Eight years ago, at that time, I was getting a professional french manicure. My hair was in rollers, I was in a gorgeous brand new white silk dressing gown, my girlfriends were with me, my family was there with me, the phone was constantly ringing, flowers were arriving all the time. I was avoiding my parents' eyes, because I was not allowed to get teary, and I was trying to persuade my dog to stay out of my bedroom because he was crazy (as he still is) and he was not allowed to touch my dress.

June 28, 1997.

Our wedding day.

So we are celebrating our wedding anniversary today. The completion of the 8th year we have been spouces. Which is actually the 16th year since the first time we got together. Surely I was mad and was leaving him and returning and leaving him again to simply return yet again. It both feels like yesterday and yet like forever.I love my husband. Really genuinely love him. He is a rare man. One of the few left if I may say so. He has a concrete set of ethics of his own. He is sincere. He has a forgiving soul. He knows how to give a second chance (and a third and a forth...). He is polite. He has respect. He stands in awe in front of nature. He never breaks a promise and yet rarely gives one. He honours his word. He has a heart of gold. And the body of a god ;o).

There was a time, not too far ago, where I thought that Angelos was too good for me.This is not true. I think we are a perfect match. He is logical when I am being irrational. He is patient when I am being impatient. He is sober when I am panicking. He is acceptive when I am being inventive. He is stable when I am experimenting. He brings me down to earth and allows me to take him to the clouds. He knows how to say no to me and lets me persuade him when he feels I am right. He makes me stop smoking pot and yet share an occasional joint with me. He likes to eat the breast of the chicken, I like to eat the legs. He loves his fruit a bit unripe, I eat my fruit over-ripe. No don't shake your head! There is never fruit thrown away in our home!!!

We went though our share of hard times in our marriage. Back then, as I already said, I thought Angelos deserved better than me. At the same time I believed I was too good and deserved better than him. Because this sounds weird, I want to clear it out. I thought that Angelos was the perfect family man. And that he deserved a woman who wanted a family, children, stability, and to be worshiped by her husband and him only. And I was thinking that there are too many orange trees to get just one orange for the rest of my life. I was a thinking of all the things he was not, like naughty, or spontaneous, or ready to spend the money saved for our insurance on a luxurious weekend in Sifnos.

You know, it was really my fault. When I was thinking about the things he was not, I was missing a point. A very serious, very crucial point. I was so self centered, that I did not allow him to show me his potential. I did not trust him to let him surprise me.

I have learnt something and I want to share it with you. Do not waste your time thinking what your partner is not. Use your time to think about the things you are not letting them show you. This saved my marriage. And it really saved my life.I could go on forever about him you know. But I will spare you more mussy stuff.

Today is a long day for me. I am at work since 10 am, I have an appointment at 5.30, a therapy session at 8.00, and he is picking me afterwards and he is taking me out on a date to celebrate. Do you know what I am wearing? A very fitted white/red plaid shirt that I bought last year and dreamed of fitting into, a white skirt, and red high heeled mules. Very 60's I tell you. Angelos will like this so much!!! And yes, I am sitting in my desk at work right now, with rollers in my hair. A working girl got to do silly things when she leaves home at 9.30 am and has a date with her man at 9.30 pm and no chance to return home!

And this morning I woke up and got on the scales all impatient. Because I was a model dieter all weekend and was feeling really proud and eager to get my reward.

Actually, on Sunday evening I had Monday's post in my head, and come Monday I had no 10 minutes free at work to write it. But I will tell you very quickly what it was about, because all of you my darlings were on my mind during the weekend.Saturday night we had 2 friends over. We would eat dinner in the balcony and play cards, a game we play in couples. Our friends need to loose no weight. And Angelos seriously needs to gain a couple of kilos. And I need to loose 17.5. Oh I didn't tell you! I lost 1.5 kg this week ;o)

So I grilled pieces of sword fish with tomato, onions, and peppers on a skillet, octupus boiled in vinegar and wine, and I made a huge seasonal salad. Everyone loved it, I ate well. And then we all splurged in summer fruits: apricots, cherries, melon, water melon, peaches, nectarines.And on Sunday we did go to the beach. And my swim suit from last year is too big. And I felt comfortable wearing it. And I was happy because I was feeling alive and joyous after quite a long time! Don't get mistaken and think I look good in that swiming suit. I look awful really. But, my husband and my friends were telling me I look great. And I knew what they meant, because I felt great too: I looked so connected and appreciative of this body of mine, which I have put through so much and yet it is still here to support me and take me through this wonderful journey that is called life, that cellulite and flab and strechmarks be damned! Tis the only body I have you know. Instead of dreaming about what it used to be and all the "what if's...if I had not..." I am loving it and feeling proud of it and am determined to honour it and use it to its total potential!!!!

Right...gotta go back to work. Long post again, but I have missed talking to you!!!!

oh and...!

I found a very badly scanned photo of that day here in my pc at work. And because you are my friends, I am sharing it with you. I really feel you as my friends you know. You shauna and you Kimba and you Cat and you Tracy and you Denise and You and You and All of you. Angelos feels you are my friends too you know. He asks about you: "How is Shauna? How is Kimba? Will we meet Cat next time in Amsterdam? Do you feel sorry you did not know Denise when we were in San Diego so you could have a latte with her" etc...

I am really emotional today, because I am happy to celebrate our anniversary, because I am happy to weigh 86.5, because it is summer and my face is a tad sunburnt, because I am alive and I have been given the gift of life, the gift of love and the gift of friendship.

Thank you all for hugging me you know. Because your support and sweetness surely feel like hugs to me!

I am delighted it is Friday. This has been such a long week, although Monday was not a working day!

This morning I was up at 7 am, cos I heard Angelos alarm ringing. Although I was a tad grumpy at first, I got up immediately and spend a gorgeous 15 minutes with Angelos in the quietness of the morning having coffee in our balcony. Precious 15 minutes, I don't usually get with him in the morning.

Then, from 7.30 am till 11.30 am I was working hard on the balcony again. I re-potted plants I bought yesterday, run out of compost and went to the shop near on foot, and returned home carrying 30 lts of compost in each hand. Who needs weights? lol It was less than 300 m distance and took me ages to return!

Now there is only one side of the balcony that is not too nice. But I am waiting for some more plants during the week and then this will be done too! Soon our little oasis will be complete and it won't be later than the next weekend that our bbq will arrive! I am soooo looking forward to it!

My challenge comes along nicely too. Eating healthy feels natural, exercising needs a bit of improvement, at least in terms of my desire to do it, I still have to drag myself every morning! The firming cream is generously applied morning and night, and I am not keen on ice-cream at all at the moment. Instead I can devour massive quantities of my beloved summer fruits: water melon, cantaloupe, cherries, apricots, peaches.

My body feels less bloated and I am actually looking forward to weigh in on Tuesday.

Sometimes, one has to let themselves go you know. Like I did the last couple of weeks. When I push myself to do something that I am not into with my heart the rebel inside me wakes up and messes with the "you have to", resulting in the complete different outcome than the desired one.

But when I get my time, then one day magically everything returns where it should really be.

I am going back to do some work now. Have a gorgeous weekend. I am going to the beach tomorrow. Nothing is stopping this flesh from getting some colour!!!

Yep, I gathered my courage this morning, as I am at the end of my period, and got in the scales. This is the amount of grammars I have gained the last 13 days and I have to tell you, I felt as pleased with my body as if I had seen a massive loss.

I do not know about you, but the worst problem I have ever felt I had as an obese woman was eating a lot for two days and gaining two kilos. For almost a year now, I have more or less maintained for long periods of time, and this has made me feel like a normal person again. I seriously do not consider this a plateau. A plateau is when you exercise 4 times a week, stay every day within your calorie/points range, eat the good stuff and still maintain the same weight. In simpler words, work your butt off and see no results. My butt has been working a little, but not enough to even dare and call my situation a plateau. But it is really wonderful to splurge in all the yumminess your heart desires and gain a normal amount of weight! Though it is utterly more wonderful to be a wise woman and get back on your treadmill and use your cooking skills to make diet yumminess and shrink the size of your well shaped but oversized arse!

Speaking of my arse, I decided to add a little something to my challenge, and this is using this firming/slimming cream I have got ages ago. Morning and evening. I started this morning. Don't I look firmer already? heheh

I'm in a funny mood today, as you may have noticed. (You did not? tsk tsk tsk). I am trying to remain positive and not get out in the balcony and start screaming all the "french" words I know. Things keep on coming up in my plate. My brand new stove who came on May 25, to be connected on May 30 and to be found defective during the show, to be replaced on June 2, is now acting up again. It took me 55 mins to boil water for Angelos' pasta last night! (look how subtly I distinguished Angelos' dinner from mine). So I spent an hour on the phone this morning (on the cell phone because do you think that the phone company has any sensitivity to even give me the date that they will finally grant me with the merits of a phone line?) with the after sales service of the bloody appliance and all I was left with was "Someone will contact you shortly". Well, this shortly has not come yet!

Then my mom has some little problems, my dad will have surgery on August, and my sister in law has problems with her pregnancy, she's due in 2 weeks and the baby has not gained weight in a month. Poor fetus is only 2.4 kg and on Saturday we will find out if she will have a premature c-section. Economy is tight, clients postpone payments, and I have to go to a premiere in a theatre tonight, because, hey, you are in PR, you do this kind of stuff.

Anyway, I should get back to work really. This post has been written in 3 hours and 16 minutes. As the time and date in the bottom of the screen says, I started it at 1.27 pm and it is 4.43 pm now. So I been writting a paragraph every ...ummm....39 minutes and two seconds. And this will be my excuse for its incoherency.

Cheers sugars!

means one thing to me and one thing only: it is the biggest day of the year. The most day light. The confirmation of summer. I love this day :o)

I did not go to the beach this long weekend. Instead I was suffering from cramps and a period a bit too early. And horrible horrible cravings for the most unsual and unually fattening things. Which I made and ate. Angelos was working a good part of the weekend too, but had arranged to have Monday off. Which was great because by Monday the cramps that were torturing me for 2 whole days had subsided some, so we were able to go out and look some more for balcony furniture. This morning I had breakfast in the balcony :)

I am not in love with the furniture really. It was sort of a compromise. We looked at so many sets, so many different kinds, and the one I fell in love with was out of stock and had a possible delivery date between August 7 and 21! However I am in love with the fact that we finally HAVE balcony furniture and tonight we can have dinner in our brand new table in our beautiful balcony!

While I was miserable at home all weekend, in pain and alone most of the time, I was trying to amuse or ease myself by thinking of food and making it and eating it too!

I have been silently thinking for a long time now. Silently thinking means not consciously thinking. In the back back of my head, I have had thoughts that feel like a dream, and up to Sunday, were treated as such. I mean that I was either pushing them away, or let them be silent and not deal with them.

I have been reading religiously all the blogs lately. And I have realised that by not typing a comment at the time I read the blog, the point that the blog made me think of, follows me in my head all day.

I read this gorgeous post for instance, and kept it in my head since then. Many others like this too.

The problem with me lately is the new house. I absolutely adore it. I spent all my free time making it prettier. Rearranging stuff, looking for the right flowers, the right places to put them, trying to add a personal touch here and there and make it feel really like home. We have company almost every night. Angelos teases me and tells me I want to show off the new things I add here and there all the time.

And every night I cook. Which I always do anyway. But lately I cook to entertain. Which is a different kind of cooking. Because it has at least 3 courses plus desert.

Angelos also tells me that my cooking has reached its peak lately. I come up with all kinds of new recipes. All kinds of new ways to serve food. I have been utilising every serving plate and bowl I have had since we got married and never used before. I have go nuts! The last mad thing I did was to take orange and lemon peel and stiched them together with linen thread to make individual salad bowls for a green salad with orange vinegraitte! Yes...that nuts I've become!!!!

And although I am loving and enjoying the domestic goddess part of me, I am not happy with it. Because it lacks balance. When I become like this it is all about the kingdom and not the queen I'm afraid. I am so consumed by the house, the cooking, the guests, the plants, the perfect vase for the yellow roses, that I forget about me.

I realised this morning that for a week now I have run out of cream for my face. I am using a cheap hydrating cream I get from the organic shop. I do not believe in anti-wrinkle expensive stuff. And every morning I wake up, wash my face and put on the cream. And every day for almost a week now, I wake up, wash my face, see I have no cream, and forget it by the time I get out of the bathroom, because my mind is usually set on things I need to get for the house.

In the same note, I cook all these rich and deliscious meals, thinking about my husband and guests, and not once I think about the size of my arse!!! Which is holding nicely, thank you very much, but will soon expand unless I do something about it! Not that I have dared to get on the scales. But I know that the gain is no more than 2 kilos. Because of my jeans and how they fit me. I am not getting on the scales before I'm done with my periiod either.

I have the date for our summer holidays. August 7 we will be on a boat to some island and we will return on the 28 :)

I have 7 weeks. As of today, I started using the treadmill again. Boy have I lost at least 50% of my fitness! And as of today I am on a 7-week challenge. Which consists of the following "rules":

• at least 40 minutes on the treadmill every day, unless I am going to the beach, where I am swimming for at least 30 mins non - stop for evey hour I stay there
• eat breakfast every day, even if it is just a piece of fruit
• no sweets
• one very unhealthy but diet friendly 0% fat 0% sugar ice cream once a week

If I am still close to the gorgeous 86.7 I saw 12 days ago, wouldn't it be marvelous to leave on holidays in the magnificent 70's?

I am determined you know!

Food:

Not bad, not perfect. Part of me is pleased with the fact that I get to eat my icecream or other naughtiness and still loose a bit of weight with all the work I do at the house. The other part is a bit upset thinking about the loads of weight I could have lost if I still did all this hard housework and still eat perfectly!

Exercise:

More unintentional exercise than planned one. But let me tell you something. Housework and moving is really a very intense work out. Angelos was complaining this morning about how sore his legs are. And he is the man who runs 10 K daily. So imagine how sore I am! All my muscles ache! Even those I never new existed!!!

Boxes:

Still 13 of them left. I expect to get rid of most of them tonight, since we put our new bookcase up yesterday evening, and most of the boxes contain books and stuff to go there. If I manage to unpack those tonight, I think I will have a functional study again! And just one more room to go!

IKEA

Lots and lots of fun! We spent 5 hours there! And we have to return 1/3 of the stuff back too... So we are on for another long saturday in IKEA next week!!!

Problems

Everyone was trying to warn me: You are going to a brand new appartment, there will be problems till everything is set and functioning, so you got to be patient!

This was a true understatement. Everything has to come and go and come again. The brand new stove came and left and came again. The man to connect my dishwasher came, connected half of it, then told me I need a plumper to open the water thingy, then the plumper came and fixed this, then the dishawater was connected, and on sunday morning I woke up after having the gang over on Saturday night, loaded the dishwasher, which did not work because there was no water connection. So now I am looking for plumpers again! You get the picture, I do not need to go on complaining..lol

The worst thing is the phone though. (I decided I will go on nagging a tad more). The phone company informed us that they need to do some construction work on the building first, which means that it will most prolly take us till the end of June to finally have a phone line! This means overloaded cell phone bills and NO internet!!!! I got my study almost set, I wanna drink my iced espresso reading blogs!!!

Life

Life goes on regardless my obsession with perfecting the new home. Work is getting really busy again, and all I think about is when I will fix my balcony! I seriously feel I could just be a housewife for the rest of the summer!!! I see more of my mom now than before, and she might have to go through another operation soon. There is one problem with one tube in her left kidney and they might need to re-adjust it. I hope it won't have to be done, but we will know tomorrow. I do not want her to go through the knife again. We'll see...

I got to get ready for a meeting now, but I am just so very tired! And there is no chance for resting this coming weekenf either. Saturday will be more IKEA, and Sunday my partner is christening her son at 6 in the afternoon and then she throws a big party at 9 in the evening. I simply do not want to go!!!! All I need to soothe myself is a day in the beach! And this aint seem to be coming soon enough!!!

Cheers for now!

June 1st, and besides the clouds and the showers, this can only mean one thing for this hemisphere. Summer is really here!

I just love summer. I love the sea, the sun, the sand that sticks to my toes, the open air movie theatres with the jasmines that make the air so sweet, the informal gatherings of friends in the balconies, the bbq's, the bare feet, the watering of the plants at night and the games with the water, the promise of the island holidays, the anticipation.

Since last summer, I also love summer clothes again. Soft fabrics that hug the body, colours that brighten the skin, perfectly pedicured toes in high heel strappy sandals, leaving an extra button off on my shirt, a bit of skin showing between the blouse and skirt, sun dresses, dare I say tank tops too!

Sometimes I feel like I am comitting sacrilege. There are some clothes I really feel should not be maltreated. Clothes designed for fit bodies. Like a short skirt. A singlet. A tank top. Low waist trousers. Plus I think that a person with extra weight should not wear things that will stress the problem. Surely I disagree with the tent concept. I really think that well fitted clothes look better on an overweight person than really roomy loose ones. But I am weird and peculiar like that. So I feel I should not wear tank tops. Or jeans. And then, I also feel I have earned the right to wear jeans again. Tank tops again. But as I said, I am really weird like that...he hee he

Things at home are still semi - functional. I will give it another week. Then I will fully resume, cos I'm sort of slacking now, regardless the hard work with the boxes!