The good news is the 1.2 kg is not in my body anymore. You know at the end of the day on Thursday I had all the symptoms that my period was coming in minutes...bloat beyond comparison, sore back, cramps, everything. But I woke up on Friday with no period, no bloat, not 1.2 extra weight. Which is good, cos that would have meant I would have had my period about a week early and you know how I freak out with such things.

I went and saw my holistic med yesterday. He gave me a killer of detox to start on March 7. Till March 28. Then I get to see him again. He found my body overfed on red meat. He found my body extremelly tired. He found my body lacking sex. He found my body "numb". Do you know how it feels to have someone with this kind of "authority"verify your feelings?

On the good side, he found my energy clean. I told him I am religious about the salt baths every other day. He called them my savior!

I am really looking forward to the detox. I know I will have a hard 3 days and then it will be peachy. Like it has always been. I wish I would start this Monday. But I cannot really. First, I got to order my chinese herbs prescription. They take about 3-4 days to get ready. I have to have one first day of detox with just liquids. Warm water, chinese herbs, carrot juice, beetroot juice, green tea.

Then, next weekend is the big carnival celebrations. And monday is Clean Monday, where we are supposed to eat amazing quantities of sea food, fly kytes, and drink ouzo like mad. I always host the big lunch at home. I am looking forward to it and I am not giving this up!

Now I am going to go there and do an hour of posting. And then I am going to go shopping. I decided to spend money on my vanity and go and buy things for my body and face. Creams, oils, masks, scrubs, and a new mascara cos my current one is finsihed. It has been months since I went shopping with just my own company. I am looking forward to it. It is the last day of sales today and I have a voucher of 250 euros, given to me as a birthday gift from my mom, dad and brother and sister in law, so I better use it now that the sales are still on and get the most of it!

Right, off to culinary escapades now!

I have been eating brilliantly since Monday. I have been cooking everynight. There will definetely be a cooking galore post on this neglected place during the weekend. I havenot gone over 22 points and the only "sweet thing"I have are sugarless slices of dry pineapple and papaya.

So you understand that after 3 days, one would expect to get on the scales and see a small difference. I slept so well last night, I was home earlier than ever, at 8:00 in the evening, cooked dinner, ate it before Angelos came home cos I was too ravenous to wait till 10:00, and by 11:00 i was in bed asleep. So got up at 7 today before the alarm rung, all refreshed and then got on the scales. Up 1.2 since Monday?!? I am not ovulating, I am not expecting my period, I have not done any vigorous weights to have my muscles to blame for this. This totally pissed me off and also is so very unexplainable!!!

It freaking terrifies me to see anything more than 89 in the scales. It makes me shake, it makes me want to go to extremes. And I can understand it when it is deserved because I induged. But I have been eating so well!!!! Its so unfair!!!!

I think my poor body must be in shock with three meals a day and 2 snacks, after weeks and weeks with just coffee and dinner. Do you know I am hungry all the time? I eat breakfast around 8 and then, by noon I start checking my clock to see what time it is because my stomach growl. And no way I can eat later than 9 in the evening, I come too close to getting a Ms Pacman if I go past that time.

It has been at least 2 months since we ate any chicken. I got tortured by wonderful chicken recipes sent to me recently. I have been following the avian flu madness very closely, and we got 4 possitive samples here in Greece a couple of weeks ago.

We have been eating organic/free range cickens for the last 3 years. There is no way I will eat the other birds. The non organig ones, that pop out of their eggs and after 21 days are ready to be in the butchers shop. The poor birds that are all day under immense light so they never sleep and constantly eat powdered sardines, or the intenstinesof their brothers and sisters pureed and then dried. But then, the free range chickens are the most dangerous category for the avian flu. The two organic shops we shop from do not carry them any more. They say they wait for the madness to go away.

But it is difficult when you are a carnivore like me to not eat chicken and be on a diet. Chicken is the easy thing. Clean protein, million ways to cook it, easy and versatile too.I so miss chicken! Plus it costs me more to buy lean pieces of beef or pork.

What is wrong with me today eh? I have not stopped complaining about this and that for the whole duration of this post!!!

Today is a holiday in Greece. Not the kind of holiday you take a day off work unfortunately. More of a traditional thing. It is called Tsikno - pempti. Tsikna in greek is the smoke that gets out of bbq with this deliscious smell of meat grilling. And pempti is thursday. This is the day that each and every Greek goes out in the evening and eats grilled meats: steaks, lampchops, burgers, you name it. It is a religious thing, since we have the Lent coming up soon. I am considering fasting for the whole 40 days till Easter. It will be this or back to my holistic for the regular detox. The last couple of years I always do a good cleanising end of February, beginning of March. It lasts six weeks and has a rough first 3 weeks, but then itgets easier. For the first three weeks the eating plan is hard on you babe:

breakfast: boiled red apple and 1 tsp of organic cow yoghurt
lunch: basmati rice with brocolli, onions, carrots, olive oil
dinner: baked veggies with yoghurt, or boiled apples with yoghurt
half an apple before and after lunch and dinner
no water or other liquid 1 to 2 hrs before and after any meal

But the worst of all is the chinese herbs I have to boil and drink twice a day. They smell and taste like dirty socks!

Have I told you I have stopped wearing foundation in my face for a month now? It makes me look younger ;)

I think I better get to the shower now.This post cannot be any more incoherent!!!!

The last couple of weeks I have been cooperating with a guy at work whom I've never met before. There are around 200 employees in the Organisation I work, and I barely know 1/3 of them. This is a cure guy, very small and funny, and he has lived for 14 years in Brussels, which gives us a lot to talk about (I lived in Brussels for a year studying for my Master).

He usually comes at my office, in an attempt to follow the etiquette - he is a consultant, I am a director, he has to come to me - but yesterday I went to his office because I simply despise this kind of ettiquette (right...how many t's in there?)

In the door of the office, which is shared among 4 people, there is this print out sign saying "Smoke Free Zone". So after an hour and a half full of numbers, and since it was just him and I left in there, I asked him: "Do you mind if I smoke?"

His reply shocked the hell out of me!

"Not at all. It's your body!"

!!!!!!!

It's your body.

These three words have been ringing in my ears since yesterday, constantly, all the time.

Dont get excited just yet, I am not considering quitting smoking now. But a million things have crossed my mind since I heard him saying this yesterday. All in the form of questions really...

What does it take to look after my body the way I look after someone I love? Can I honestly remind myself that this is MY body I'm putting crap into before I actually eat or drink the crap and not afterwards? If this is my body and this body is the true indication I am alive, how important this is for me and how this can be honoured? What does it take for me to take full responsibility of the very thing I am the only responsible person for? You know, noone else is responsible for my body or yours, but me and you. Can I stand naked in front of the mirror and say with love and pride "This is my body"?

This week will be all about the quality. The goodness. It becomes more and more aparent now...

In other words, I was hungry all day yesterday. Its funny, the more meals I have a day the hungrier I am. When I wake up and just have coffee and then more coffee and water and smokes at work, and forget to eat, I can come back home at 9 in the evening and just begin to feel hungry. And Im certain this happens in a very pavlovian way. I know its dinner time, I start feeling the hunger. But with breakfast and an apple as a snack a couple of hours later, I suddenly got ravenous for lunch yesterday. This is what I ate yesterday:

red apple and 4 walnut halves
a pink lady apple
a slice of whole grain sourdough bread
100 gr tuna in spring water, tomato, cucumber
an orange and a red apple
240 gr of cooked bulgur
onions, shallots, brocolli, peppers, mushrooms, garlic, cabbage, zuccinis (stir fried with a tad of olive oil and sesame oil) and a bit of hoisin sauce.
A fage 0% with 2 tsp of the grape spoon sweet

22 points worth of goodness.

After all, this is MY body we are talking about!!!

I just had a banana and half a slice of bread for breakfast and Im bringing more fruit to work, along with leftover bulgur and veggies for lunch. Dinner will be tricky since I won't be home before 10, but hey, if I defrost 2 beed fillets now, how lond will they take to cook eh?

I'm boring talking about my meals, but I need to do this now.

I swear, his voice still rings in my ears... it's your body!

for this week is simple:

3 meals, 2 snacks per day, all of them should add to 22 points. No more than that!

The hardest meal of the day is already eaten. You have no idea how hard for me it is to eat breakfast. It has to be something small, not too savory, never sweet. I just had an apple and 4 walnut halves.

And I have prepared lunch to take with me. Tuna in water, a cucumber, a tomato, a slice of wholegrain bread. And I've also prepared a bag with fruit to snack on.

Tonight I will make a vegie stir fry and eat it with bulgur instead of rice. I need the extra fibre and I prefer bulgur to rice anyway.

Angelos wants to eat cleaner. He has upped the weights in the gym and wants to support his body with better food. This will be very helpful for me.

Anyway, I have the suspicion that today won't be that awful at work, since the boss will be away, and since I did a lot of work duing the weekend. If this proves to be the case, I will be able to be at home at a descent time, around 8. The one good thing we did over the weekend was a big super market shop, and a good fridge clean up. We got rid of all rich foods (by eating them or feeding them to others of course ;) and now we have a fridge stoked with colourful fresh yumminess:

All colours of peppers, zuccinis, mushrooms, brocolli, cauliflower, salad greens, shallots, leeks, herbs, and more herbs! our freezer is stocked with lean beef and a bit of fish. And the cupboard holds a very rich selection of legumes.

Let the goodness begin!!!!

and more on the scales I'm afraid. Remember the 1,5 kilo gain I saw on Monday? Well, it has another .3 added to it today I must say. 88.8. Oh I just remembered now how ecstatic I was the first time I saw it as I was moving downwards. Now its not such a nice number...

Dont go ahead and tell me sweet things to make me feel better. There is no reason for this really. As much as we all despise the gains, I have to tell you that I am ok with this.

Don't go ahead and try to talk reason into me either. Fear not that I will go on gaining. But I need to do this now.

See, I took last week's post to my therapist. I dont mean I carried my laptop or a printout there. I just discussed it with him. And while he pretended he did not understood and made me talk about it over and over again, the moment of enlightment and raw truth indeed happened again.

It was actually when I said the magical sentence "I feel like I am in the last few hours of a long journey in a ferry boat, and suddenly I feel like it is so pleasant here, in the deck, seeing the ocean all around me, the familiar ocean with its sweet embrace, that suddenly reaching the port feels very sad, very uncertain. It is like I want to get there and yet I am unsure of finishing the journey, because I will miss the anticipation, I will get there and then what?!"

"Right"he replied. "It would be as devastating and as earth shuttering as it would be for you to end your therapy, make the final decision, lose the rest of the weight, become a mother, have your ownn family instead of just belonging to one"

Bastard knows how to press the right buttons. I just adore this man with all my heart!!!

What he said is the absolute truth. The hardest thing I am dealing with in therapy is not the incident with that old man. It is not the trauma. The truth is that the hardest thing Im dealing with and the thing that really holds me back is my attachment to my past. For some reason we are yet to discover, I simply cannot seem to just let go. I cannot forgive and forget. I need to remember. I need to have an excuse...

It is all so much more clear now.

If you go back in the last 4 years, amazing things were happening in my mind and soul as things were settling, as questions were being answered, as realisations were being made. The result was the weight loss. You do want to take care of your body when you take care of your mind and soul. You simply want to. You do it naturally. Let me tell you something. This wonderful woman will lose all her weight and become a hotter mama than she already is because she found the secret ingredient in that post of hers.

So I take back what I said in the last post. I take back my need for a carrot. That was just another well formed excuse for me. And I will tell you why. Look at this:

Yep, I am the woman in red. Some of you must have seen this picture in my "private"ones in flickr. I must weigh 130 kilos in this one. Or a couple of more. Have I ever told you I went on a very strict diet of lettuce leaves and boiled zuccinis and rice with no protein for 2 weeks before I went to that dietician? I tried to minimise the heart attack I was about to have....Anyway, this picture was taken about a month or so before I went to the dietician back in the dark ages...

Now look at this bad picture my niece (!!!) took of me last week:

She made me pose, then she deheaded me...lol. And you can see the basic problem area, the thighs. But you know what? I feel pretty proud for the current size of the thighs if you compare them to the woman's- in- red thighs. I am really very happy with the waist and the rest, when compared to the past. The bad past, because you know, before that, there was a past that I was still curvey, but in a very delectable way:

I probably weigh somewhere between 70 and 74 kilos here. Its 2000 I think. I had gained weight due to summer nights with lots of booz and wanted to loose five kilos I remember.

I kid myself when I say I need a carrot. What I really need is to make a very concsious decision. To become the woman I am still a bit afraid to be.

When I manage this decision, when the fear subsides and the first step will be taken, the weightloss will reach its goal.

Now look what my angel of Angelos brought me for Valentines day. With proof too that this was the 17th Valentine's Day we celebrated today! I thought it was something like the 15th!!!

I don't really know when. The only thing I know is that to be that scared, it must mean I am seriously considering to take the first step to wherever the final destination is meant to be. Are you with me? Are you as excited as I am? Because I am really excited, no matter how scared. I take this as a bit of a cold feet period. But there is my husband, my friends, my therapist, my desire and you my precious to warm them up. I tell you. I am going to do walk that path sooner than later, even if that means I have to change my panties every 5 minutes cos I shit myself with fear for every little step I take!

It has been a while again. Work got too unreal the last week I'm afraid. Working till 10 in the evening every day except Tuesday (I left at 8 cos I had my therapy session) and Friday (I left at 11.30!!!). There was an extra reason for the long hours this week.I was determined not to work on Saturday. Angelos worked super late all week days this week too, in order to not work on Saturday either. We planned a shopping spree on Saturday, a small compensation for our cancelled trip to London.

I had to give the estimated budget of our big project to my boss on Saturday morning.So I emailed it to her on Friday night. Before I left home on Saturday I called her but she had not seen it yet. By the time we were outside the parking lot of the first shopping centre we had planned to visit, my mobile rung, it was her, and she needed me to revise the budget. I was only 10 mins away from the office, she was there already, so off I went.

I left the office at 2.3o in the afternoon. Met Angelos who was window shopping till then, went to Camper so he got his shoes, and although we went to a couple of women shops, I felt like buying nothing. So off to IKEA we went, for canddles and napkins and silly stuff. We left IKEA at 5.30, unfortunately with two bags of IKEA sour cream chips (They are better than KETTLE chips!), two packs of smoked salmon, and linconberry marmalade.

We were back home at 6.30, and we ate a very late lunch, watched a bit of a DVD and felt like a nap. So we decided to nap for an hour or so. HA! Angelos woke up at 12.30 and I got up at 1 am!!! What did we do? We pretended it was 9 in the evening! Angelos built a fire, I went to the kitchen to cook dinner.

I made a big salad with mixed greens: lettuce, rocket, baby spinach, dill and shallots. Then, I made a nice dressing with olive oil and lemon juice, and cut the salmon in big pieces and put them in the salad too. We had this with one bag of chips shared between us. We played scrabble, we watched two episodes of "Without a Trace", and went to bed at 6 am!

We woke up at noon on Sunday. Each went to their bathrooms, and spend an hour showering. Sofia called right on time, and we met them for coffee. Two iced espressos later, we decided to go for lunch. We went to a small fish tavern near the beach, sat right next to the glass windows so we were looking at the sea with all its glamorous waves (very cold and windy on sunday here) and ate too much...lol All kinds of fried fish and sea food with many bottles of ouzo to wash them down. Then Sofia and Vangelis complained about never seeing us during week nights anymore, thus demanded to continue our day together at their house. So we went over, built a huge fire (they have an enormous fireplace) and chit chatted for hours. Then Angelos got hungry again, so we ordered some food. Grilled pork souvlaki with grilled onions and tomatoes on grilled pitta bread. Super yummy I tell ya!

So although my weigh in on Saturday showed a good maintenance, I was up a kilo and a half yesterday morning. Ouzo ouzo...lol

I dont sweat over it too much you know. I made a very consious decision to eat and drink on Sunday. Waking up at 1 am on saturday night and feeling refreshed was something that really made me feel great. And the way we approached it, especially the way Angelos approached it, because when we sleep in on Saturdays and wake up late after a nap (and late for him is usually around 8.30 in the evening) he panicks and thinks he wont be able to sleep in the night, really made me feel great. It really made me forget all the long days of last week, the tension and immense responsibillity of turning in a budget a bit over 2 million euros.

This, however, did not make me feel less yucky and bloated when I woke up on Monday. And although I was expecting it and had chose for it to happen, it did not made me think less about it.

There is something missing. There are goals missing I think. Yet, last night when I was talking about it with Angelos, he reminded me of a few things, that really made me see some progress.

You must have understood by now that I am really a bit of a workacholic. I have been working for 14 years now in this field. I have changed 4 companies, then started my own, and you know the rest. Angelos has been witnessing all the job changes in my life. He has agreed that the last one has been the most challenging. What he reminded me last night was the amount of weight I gained each time I changed my job. Even when I was not overweight, I would gain weight the first 3-4 months in a new job. I would spend the day working like a maniac then return home and eat my stress out. The less I would end up with is a good 5 kilos gain. When my partner and I started our company, both of us gained about 8 kilos each in less than 3 months.

This time, I have gained and lost the same couple of kilos since I went to this job. What does this tells me? That I have indeed mastered the art of maintenance. I mean, I have maintained this weight for what, a year and a half? This is enough time, don't you think?

However, I do not have the same feeling of my body I used to have a year ago. A year ago, my body was happy with this weight. It felt lighter. Naturally missus, you might add. Your poor body had shedded 42 kilos to get the 88 kilos. It was expected to feel lighter, livier. Staying to this weight for ever though has brought to both my body and mind the reality. This is not the healthy weight for this body. So my body now has started to feel a bit heavy again. Not the heavy it felt at 130 kilos. But the real heavy it is now. I guess my whole system has stabilised now to this weight and it does not want it anymore. The merits of my weightloss have been plenty but they do not change the fact that there is still work to be done.

I have to work. This last week was all about me. Besides the long working hours, I managed to do the following: I had my hair cut, I went and had a manicure and pedicure. Every morning I took long showers, twice I took salt baths in the evening. I did my hair and my make up every morning and took time to dress nicely and wear accessories to work. I bought flowers again for the house. I set the coffee table with linens and porcelain dishes and candles and crystal glasses for dinner every night. I cooked each and every night no matter how late I return except Friday. I took half an hour break for lunch and although I did not eat lunch or left the office, I called my girlfriends and chit chatted for 30 minutes each day.

So I sort of have the taking care of me under control again. The woman in me to be more precise. Now I have to tackle the fat. It is in the back of my head all the time. I need to push it forward and deal with it. I have a very lame answer to the question "Why do you want to lose the rest of the weight?" Angelos posed last night. "Because I have to finish with what I started". This is not a good one for me you know. And I could not come up with anything else. Lond gone are the days with the long lists of why I want to lose weight. Shop in regular shops? I do it already. Wear high heels and not have to go to the foot doctor the next day? Easy peasy! Walk up the stairs without puffing? Yes ma'am! Done too!

So my half - arsed efforts really reflect my lack of goals and the lack of goals clearly reflect my lack of motivation, and the lack of motivation clearly reflects my lack of reasons to do it. I do not know what my carrot should be. But I miss my carrot and I am determined to find it! So this week will be all about this. I will slowly work my way to the reasons I want to lose the rest of the weight for. Along with the reasons will come the goals I need to set for myself.

I have gotten half the day off work today. I still have not replaced the my ID that was lost in July. I had my passport. Which expires on Thursday. So I need to go get a new ID asap! Which means I have to go now and take photos, then go through the amazing beauracracy it requires to get a birth certificate and then got to go to the police station and get the ID. Nice eh?

Then its off to the office, till 7.30, then off to therapy at 8.15, till 9.15, and then Angelos will pick me up and take me to my Valentine's surprise :)

So I better get ready huh?

Happy Valentines my dearest darlings. Spread the love!

Let me tell you something.

Do not neglect yourself. Do not! Especially when life gets tough. Especially when you work too much. Especially when you get too busy. Especially when everyone around you becomes too demanding. Especially then!

When you push yourself to your limits, and you take no time to make it up to you, you take no time to pamper yourself, there is one thing certain to happen. You accumulate a great anger. First you think you are tired and depressed. Then you realise you are angry towards the circumstances. Then you think you are angry towards the people who form the circumstances. Then you have a therapy session totally out of this world and you realise your anger is 100% pointed towards yourself for letting everything happen the way it happens.

In the last two weeks I have had a million things happening.

To begin with, from Sunday january 22 till yesterday I worked a total of 134 hours. Not counting the commute to work. I should have worked only 80 hours. And no, there is no overtime where I work. Our salaries there are a bit over the market value to sort of include any overtime needed. But 54 hours in two weeks?!

Then I had to cancel our trip to London. I should be in front of an open suitcase right now trying to find what to wear to look good for our day out with Shauna. Instead, I paid half the price of our tickets because when I cancelled the trip the tickets were already purchased and were only 50% refundable.

Speaking of money lost, I had returned 89 euros worth of things to IKEA, and they had given me this credit receipt valid till February 1st. Well it is still in my purse and is out of use now. Also, I returned a few christmas presents to a shopping centre where they give you a cumulative receipt. 232 euros. Valid till January 31st. I missed this deadline too.

I have been cancelling for 3 weeks straight the weekly "date"with my niece. She called me the other day and asked why. I told her work is too much. I tried to apologise. To a 5 year old. You know what she told me? "If you cancel another date, you will not be "my" auntie, you will be just an aunt"

I woke up last Sunday with a horrid pain on my kidneys. But I still went to work. And the pain got worst on Monday, so I saw a doctor. General practitioner who has his office in the building I live. I never see general practitioners. I always go to holistic ones. But I got scared and he was here when I returned from work on Monday evening, so I rung his bell. His first question? Do you have anyone in your family with history on their urinary system? Well, yes, my mom had her bladder removed last year due to cancer. Ohhhhhhh I see...was the response with the obligatory horour in his eyes. Apparently I am ok. I did not do any tests really, but when I got home on Monday after the doc, I remembered a herb my holistic had given me once to clean my kidneys, took the herb for two days and Im as good as new. I do not feel as panicked, because I realised that instead of my usual 4-6 lt of water daily I probaby drunk the equivalent in coffee the last three days before last sunday.

Then I turned 37 on Tuesday. Did I celebrate my birthday? Well, I woke up and tears started falling down my eyes. Uncontrollably. I was sad and feeling horrible all day. I smilled when 37 long steamed roses arrived at work (yep, my gorgeous husband) but to tell you the truth, when I saw them I thought to myself...shit...even in roses this is a big number! 37 years old and still no babies. How much time is really left for me? I returned home from work at 10.45 in the evening. Angelos asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I begun to cry and could not stop.

I stopped my Cto5K training on January 26. Have not managed one single workout since then.

Sofia came back from Chicago, where she was since December 22, and she brought me a whole assortment of Reeses peanut butter cups (miniature with white choclate, big with milk chocolate, cookies with peanut butter and chocolate). In Greece you will find nothing with peanutbutter and chocolate. Nothing at all. I had tried those when I was in LA and had fallen in love. We were together with Sofia there and she remembered and brought me some. I ate them. In two days. She also brought me the highest shoes I've ever worn! 10 cm heels. I wear them to work and regret it every minute. But they are gorgeous and they make me feel so much more tall and thinner. Look at them!

Then, Thursday I had my therapy session. The moment I entered the room my therapist said: take your shoes and socks off and lie down NOW!

So my body and I had a talk. Boy was it something! When I left, Angelos was waiting for me to drive me home. When he saw me he exclaimed: WOW...what did he do to you? I laughed and asked him why he asks this. He said...Well...you look like you again! hehe

We got home at 10. I cooked bulgur with veggies and ate it with A. Then, as per the therapist's order, I run myself a very hot bath where I put 3 pounds of thick sea salt. And stayed there for 40 minutes, while A went to sleep. This bath has the ability to clean your energy, while it relaxes you. The order is to have it at least every second day.

It is silly really. I know all these stuff. I know how to take care of me. I know the tricks I need to get small pleasures during the hard times. A manicure. A long bubble bath. A good meal that wont make me feel guilty. A bit of shopping out of the blue. Like a cheap shirt from Zara to wear to work the next morning. Tending to my plants.

After the salt bath, I did everything. Re-filled the tub with more hot water, put my fav bubblebath on, I exfoliated my body, shaved my legs, put cucumber patches in my eyes, washed my hair, applied a mask on my hair, rinsed me well, wore my fluffly bath robe, put on a face mask, went to the living room, light canddles, smothered my body with brasil nut body butter, drunk a glass of wine, put on some music, smoked a cigarette, and smiled the whole time. I really felt human again. I did not go to bed before 2am, but I woke up yesterday feeling and looking a million times better!

Besides all the peanut butter cups i have lost 1.3 since the last time I recorded my weight here. I weighed in at 87.0 sharp this morning.

Tonight I have a small gathering for my birthday. I decided it yesterday. So does it matter to blow my canddles 4 days late? It will only be us, my brother and sister in law, and vangelis and sofia. There will be glorious food, glorious wine, and I am going to make my birthday cake myself. I thought about it last night. I will experiment a bit. I hope it will turn out good!

I am back really. I do not mean in blogging just. Blogging will most probably happen on Saturdays for February. But I am back in the land of living. I will never do this to myself again. Never!

The joy a happy and appreciative body gives you is the best cure for any depression. Never forget that. Never underestimate your body's feelings. They are the true ones. The rest is just a silly mind game.

Now I am going to get dressed and go pick up my niece. We will do grocerry shopping together, and then she will "help"me cook for tonight. And in return, i will help her make necklaces with the kit with beads and stuff I got for her yesterday during my lunch break. Cos yes ladies, since November 1st that I am in this job, yesterday I took my FIRST lunch break, although things were fantic!

It feels good to be back. I have missed you!!!!