Let me tell you something.
Do not neglect yourself. Do not! Especially when life gets tough. Especially when you work too much. Especially when you get too busy. Especially when everyone around you becomes too demanding. Especially then!
When you push yourself to your limits, and you take no time to make it up to you, you take no time to pamper yourself, there is one thing certain to happen. You accumulate a great anger. First you think you are tired and depressed. Then you realise you are angry towards the circumstances. Then you think you are angry towards the people who form the circumstances. Then you have a therapy session totally out of this world and you realise your anger is 100% pointed towards yourself for letting everything happen the way it happens.
In the last two weeks I have had a million things happening.
To begin with, from Sunday january 22 till yesterday I worked a total of 134 hours. Not counting the commute to work. I should have worked only 80 hours. And no, there is no overtime where I work. Our salaries there are a bit over the market value to sort of include any overtime needed. But 54 hours in two weeks?!
Then I had to cancel our trip to London. I should be in front of an open suitcase right now trying to find what to wear to look good for our day out with Shauna
. Instead, I paid half the price of our tickets because when I cancelled the trip the tickets were already purchased and were only 50% refundable.
Speaking of money lost, I had returned 89 euros worth of things to IKEA, and they had given me this credit receipt valid till February 1st. Well it is still in my purse and is out of use now. Also, I returned a few christmas presents to a shopping centre where they give you a cumulative receipt. 232 euros. Valid till January 31st. I missed this deadline too.
I have been cancelling for 3 weeks straight the weekly "date"with my niece. She called me the other day and asked why. I told her work is too much. I tried to apologise. To a 5 year old. You know what she told me? "If you cancel another date, you will not be "my" auntie, you will be just an aunt"
I woke up last Sunday with a horrid pain on my kidneys. But I still went to work. And the pain got worst on Monday, so I saw a doctor. General practitioner who has his office in the building I live. I never see general practitioners. I always go to holistic ones. But I got scared and he was here when I returned from work on Monday evening, so I rung his bell. His first question? Do you have anyone in your family with history on their urinary system? Well, yes, my mom had her bladder removed last year due to cancer. Ohhhhhhh I see...was the response with the obligatory horour in his eyes. Apparently I am ok. I did not do any tests really, but when I got home on Monday after the doc, I remembered a herb my holistic had given me once to clean my kidneys, took the herb for two days and Im as good as new. I do not feel as panicked, because I realised that instead of my usual 4-6 lt of water daily I probaby drunk the equivalent in coffee the last three days before last sunday.
Then I turned 37 on Tuesday. Did I celebrate my birthday? Well, I woke up and tears started falling down my eyes. Uncontrollably. I was sad and feeling horrible all day. I smilled when 37 long steamed roses arrived at work (yep, my gorgeous husband) but to tell you the truth, when I saw them I thought to myself...shit...even in roses this is a big number! 37 years old and still no babies. How much time is really left for me? I returned home from work at 10.45 in the evening. Angelos asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I begun to cry and could not stop.
I stopped my Cto5K training on January 26. Have not managed one single workout since then.
Sofia came back from Chicago, where she was since December 22, and she brought me a whole assortment of Reeses peanut butter cups (miniature with white choclate, big with milk chocolate, cookies with peanut butter and chocolate). In Greece you will find nothing with peanutbutter and chocolate. Nothing at all. I had tried those when I was in LA and had fallen in love. We were together with Sofia there and she remembered and brought me some. I ate them. In two days. She also brought me the highest shoes I've ever worn! 10 cm heels. I wear them to work and regret it every minute. But they are gorgeous and they make me feel so much more tall and thinner. Look at them!
Then, Thursday I had my therapy session. The moment I entered the room my therapist said: take your shoes and socks off and lie down NOW!
So my body and I had a talk. Boy was it something! When I left, Angelos was waiting for me to drive me home. When he saw me he exclaimed: WOW...what did he do to you? I laughed and asked him why he asks this. He said...Well...you look like you again! hehe
We got home at 10. I cooked bulgur with veggies and ate it with A. Then, as per the therapist's order, I run myself a very hot bath where I put 3 pounds of thick sea salt. And stayed there for 40 minutes, while A went to sleep. This bath has the ability to clean your energy, while it relaxes you. The order is to have it at least every second day.
It is silly really. I know all these stuff. I know how to take care of me. I know the tricks I need to get small pleasures during the hard times. A manicure. A long bubble bath. A good meal that wont make me feel guilty. A bit of shopping out of the blue. Like a cheap shirt from Zara to wear to work the next morning. Tending to my plants.
After the salt bath, I did everything. Re-filled the tub with more hot water, put my fav bubblebath on, I exfoliated my body, shaved my legs, put cucumber patches in my eyes, washed my hair, applied a mask on my hair, rinsed me well, wore my fluffly bath robe, put on a face mask, went to the living room, light canddles, smothered my body with brasil nut body butter, drunk a glass of wine, put on some music, smoked a cigarette, and smiled the whole time. I really felt human again. I did not go to bed before 2am, but I woke up yesterday feeling and looking a million times better!
Besides all the peanut butter cups i have lost 1.3 since the last time I recorded my weight here. I weighed in at 87.0 sharp this morning.
Tonight I have a small gathering for my birthday. I decided it yesterday. So does it matter to blow my canddles 4 days late? It will only be us, my brother and sister in law, and vangelis and sofia. There will be glorious food, glorious wine, and I am going to make my birthday cake myself. I thought about it last night. I will experiment a bit. I hope it will turn out good!
I am back really. I do not mean in blogging just. Blogging will most probably happen on Saturdays for February. But I am back in the land of living. I will never do this to myself again. Never!
The joy a happy and appreciative body gives you is the best cure for any depression. Never forget that. Never underestimate your body's feelings. They are the true ones. The rest is just a silly mind game.
Now I am going to get dressed and go pick up my niece. We will do grocerry shopping together, and then she will "help"me cook for tonight. And in return, i will help her make necklaces with the kit with beads and stuff I got for her yesterday during my lunch break. Cos yes ladies, since November 1st that I am in this job, yesterday I took my FIRST lunch break, although things were fantic!
It feels good to be back. I have missed you!!!!