Friday, January 21, 2005
Day Twelve - and a bit sad
Last night we went to our friends' house, Vangelis and Sofia. I came home from work, packed the remaining food from last night (there was a ton of leftovers, I find it hard still to cook for one, lol), prepared my salad, and left.

Perhaps you remember that Sofia has a bit of weight to loose too, around 10 to 15 kilos, and Vangelis has a ton of weight to loose, he weighs 180 kilos. Last spring, when I started with the detox and the serious exercise - good eating plan, they gradually followed me to my holistic med, and they were both doing so wonderfully. Sofia lost about 10 kilos, Vangelis lost about 35. That was till August. From then, Sofia gained about 5 (like me) and Vangelis gained them all back :(

I have tried forever to talk to him. He and I are so much alike. Sofia and Angelos say we were twins seperated in birth! So if someone can talk to him, this used to be me.

The day before yesterday, they had a disagreement and I spoke with my girlfriend about it. Truth is that she was too rough on him. So I was trying to explain this, untill she burted into tears. She told me that she cannot stand this anymore. Watching him at night puffing while he sleeps, hearing his breath stop at times, being constantly afraid he might not wake up. She is tired of having to plan sex ahead so that they can find that position that might work. She is tired of him never wanting to go anywhere but in our house or some other friends' house. he is always edgy, tired.

Now the peculiar thing with Vangelis, and the great big alibi he uses is that he works out daily. he really is. The first time Angelos went with him for a work out years ago (cos Angelos goes to a gym near his work which is very far from where all of us live) I remember him coming home in awe of his vigorous work out. Full body weight training for an hour, then 45 mins in the treadmil walking in a fast rate.Every single day. Weekends too!

But he eats so damn much :(

3 years ago I think, he went for a gastric by-pass. They cut him open, and then realised that for some reason - I dunno the terminology again - they could not proceed with the operation. So they sewed him and sent him back home :(

Last night however, when we went, the first thing he did was comment on me having lost some weight. I had not seen him for a week or so. Then he said that an old friend of ours, whom A. and I had not seen for years and saw during the holidays, was asking him if I had a gastric by-pass too. This man is also in the 180 - 200 kilos range, and thought it was impossible for me to have lost all this weight with diet only.

I tried to talk to him again. He was not responding. He said that they are both way too busy and that he could not cook. (Sofia doesn't cook either). I told him that I would cook for him every day, all his meals besides breakfast. He told me if I want to do anything for him at all, was find him a gastrenderologist that would do him the gastric by-pass.

In the past, it was so easy for me to persuade him to eat better. All it took was to bring food to their house that was totally yummy and still very "diet". Then I'd loose some weight, he'd feel a bit jealous, we would go on a diet together. But not this time. He told me he does not feel we are the same wave anymore. He said I cannot understand his struggle because I have moved forward and do not have the same issues we used to have. I told him that therapy did this to me. He refused to continue the conversation.

My heart aches. He is like a brother to me and I know so well what goes inside him right now. Yet, I cannot approach him this time. I know I cannot. We used to cry in each other's shoulder in the past, when I was 130 kilos heavy, and then go and buy a huge box of dunkin dougnats to console orselves. But I am not that person anymore. And he feels he has lost his ally. Back at that times, he used to call me in the morning, and tell me what he had thought of eating, and then I'd go home and cook and cook and take my pots and my husband and we would go over their house and we would smoke pot and binge every single night. We all gained so much more weight then. All besides my husband the gym rat, lol. Then we would go on diet together for a month or two, loose some weight, felt good and begun the big party again.

I am really so very sad. I love him so much. And I know he can do it only if he sets his heart on it. I was thinking of printing out dietgirl's first and last entry and show them to him. I have spent time in the past showing him in my computer pictures of before and after of dieters that had lost as much weight as he needs to loose. Even Fred did not persuade him :(

I know this is not my battle. I know this is a very personal thing. I know this too well coming from my own core. But I just cannot handdle with it now. I have feelings of betraying him that I know are totally irrational but still have them. I have feelings of inability to do something for such a beloved one. I am so sorry for my girlfriend that wants to start a family and is afraid that if he goes on like that and they have a child, that he won't be around much to see the kid grow.

I was eating my sald last night and I could feel him watching every bit going into my mouth. He told me at a time. "Now you think what you are eating is normal after a long hard day?" And I did not know what to say. So I lied to him. I said "but I had a big lunch" Sofia and Angelos who both know I had apples for both breakfast and lunch looked at me with understanding and said nothing. But I just felt like a rat for lying to make him feel better.

I feel so sad and unable to do anything it really hurts :(

On a brighter tone - because I got to feel better and drag myself to the shower soon! - I am dong great with the detox. Today I weighed in at 91.4. I just hope that the weekend doesn't hold any surprises for me.

And today is the big day I utilise my New Year's present from Angelos. OMG...Did I ever tell you what he got me for the holidays? I think I didn't!

He bought me the following from a spa center: 75 minutes of aromatherapy massage, a manicure and pedicure, and a facial! So I have an appointment there at 4.30 and will be spoiled till 10 in the evening! Then Angelos will pick me up and bring me home to sleeeeeeeeeeeep!

So now it is shower time, because I need to deforest those legs before going there!!!!!

Posted by Argy at 8:49 am
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear Argy... firstly, this man has sleep apnea and needs one of those breathing machines at night. My brother-in-law has one and it has changed his life.

Secondly don't ever cave into him giving you the guilts for YOU getting your life turned around. He is jealous of you and I understand what you must feel that you are betraying him by you taking charge of your life and his going the other way. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Good luck with this but at the end of the day HE must do it for himself. Have you been to the site That man was way overweight and has just kicked ass to lose it all.

Lynda -

10:26 am

Blogger Kimba said...

Can I tell you once again what a beautiful and special soul you are? (hug)

It must be really difficult to see someone you're so close to becoming so unhealthy, living in denial and making excuses not to help themselves, and looking for a drastic 'quick way out', like gastric bypass.

Please don't feel guilty though. You aren't betraying him - if anything, you're showing him the way, while not pushing him. I know it's hard but you really can't do much more than be his friend, while showing him that it CAN be done.

You're so right when you say that he can only make it happen if he sets his heart on it. But maybe when he sees you continue to succeed and become even healthier and more energised, he'll get over his feelings about that, and follow you. I hope so.

Anyway well done on your continued success with YOUR weightloss, detox is sure agreeing with you! And I hope you have a fabulous time at the spa - you really REALLY deserve it. I hope you come out feeling 100% like a Greek Goddess! *kisses*

12:57 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Hugs* to you, my sweet Greek soul.

I can totally relate to this. More than you know. Unfortunately, those loved ones that are so near and dear to us when we are heavy and low (because it's something we share) find it difficult to maintain that relationship when we lose that "bond".

It's truly a shame, though, isn't it? That being overweight, unhealthy, and miserable with the way you feel can actually be the glue that holds a friendship together.

I will simply echo what the others have said:

Don't let him "guilt" you into feeling bad for all that you've done. What you are doing is right for YOU and that is all that matters. This is not YOUR issue to deal with, it is HIS.

Continue leading by example, sweetie. Keep bringing him healthy food to eat. Keep showing him the way. Right now he is probably extremely discouraged and, yes, extremely jealous. And there is probably a slight piece of him that would like to see you fail. But don't hold that against him. Don't let that stop you from continuing to live a healthy and happy life. One day he'll snap out of it and realize what needs to be done and that HE is the only one who can make that change for HIS life.

I hope you enjoyed the heck out of that spa day. What a nice gift. :)


2:11 pm

Blogger Denise said...

It's so frustrating when we see someone we love hurting themselves with food and we are unable to help. I just have to tell myself that I had to get to a certain place in my head before I could make the changes I've made and they have to do the same. Sadly, none of us can make the changes for anyone else, so just be there and love him and pray/hope that his heart and mind are touched and changed.

10:55 pm

Blogger Steffany said...

Oh, Argy, this post just breaks my heart--it reminds me of my dad. He has Type II diabetes and absolutely no desire to lose weight. He has even of late taken up saying, "When it's time to go, it's time to go"--can you imagine such a morbid thing? He truly believes that quality of life is about food, and has no interest in lengthening his life span by decreasing the pleasure he gets on a daily basis from foods that are not good for him. It saddens me so much, particularly because--as with your friend--the hurt it causes his loved ones does not make him want to change his ways. How can this be? I wonder so often. Anyway, I'm so proud of you for soldiering on despite his attempt to derail you--your enthusiasm and courage and example will make a difference in the long run, I have faith in that.
Meanwhile, it blesses me so much to know that you are enjoying your wonderful spa treatment! Ah, bliss. You have certainly earned it with your steadfastness during this detox, and I hope you have the very best time imaginable, being pampered and pummeled and treated like a queen. :)

11:14 pm

Blogger ms ralph said...

My two best friends in America are both endangering their health with their weight. I have tried to encourage them to diet and exercise but they haven't really wanted to listen to me. After they saw me a few months ago and saw how much I lost they seemed a little more interested, but not enough. It is sad when we know someone we love is letting their health continue to be at risk. A big hug for you, because you care.

4:48 am


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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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