I am feeling better today, thanks to you all and not the scales. They have not being nicer to me. Still the same 91.6, Although yesterdays eating consisted of 4 apples and the salad, with a lot less olive oil, and 2 ryr rusks.
I did many things to cheer me up. First, I tried reminding myself that in 16 days, at 91.6 I managed to loose 4.2 kilos (9.2 lb). This is a lot! Then my doggedness replied that last year in 16 days I had lost 7 kilos (15.4 lb) doing the same thing. I tried to tell her that this is only good news. It only means that my body has a lot less toxins than a year ago. She said "Bah". I told her it is so! In the first days I was going to the toilette 3 - 4 times a day, now I am back to my morning routine. She said "BAH". I stopped trying to persuade her.
Then I wore a pair of trousers I have taken in three times. It is a very beloved pair of cargo pants in a wonderfuly thin denim. The last time I took them to the dress maker to take them in, she was so tired of seeing this pants that she took them in a few centimeters more than she should, so when I took them and tried them on in her shop they almost cut my body in half. I was complaining to her and she said "Shut up, you will loose more weight and bring them again. Now you have something to look forward to wearing when you loose more!" (my dress maker is a dictator but I adore her!) I tried them on yesterday and they fitted perfectly. Which made me clamer but not happier.
Then Angelos was such a sweetheart yesterday. He was chasing me all evening, calling me sexy ass, grabbing certain body parts and saying...ohhhh...yuuuummmyyyy.....you are soooo yuuummmyyyy in a funny tune, which made me laugh but did not make me happier. He then sat me down and talked to me seriously. He went back and told me the story of my achievements in weightloss, in therapy, he said how much I have changed, how proud he is of my doings, how important it is for me to having incorporated exercise in my life, he made me wear the same skirt I wore on Sunday to show me again how much weight I have lost since Amsterdam last year, started naming all my favourite shops there and said that I will shop so much more easily this year.
And I was listening to him, fully aware of how right he was, and yet, it was like a big part of me was just not there. Or was in denial of all the good stuff and had stomped her feet and was hanging from the dredfull 91.6. He understood this I think, because he got up, went to the study, and came back with a white paper and a pen.
And he wrote down in big red numbers:
result: 59 +
result: 38.4 -
result: 4.2 -
END OF SILLY DISCUSSION
lol...he cracked me up, then I had tears because he is just so simply perfect.
Of course, in my mind I could still see 23.01.05 90.5 and 25.01.05 91.6, but I realised that I was simply being a bastardious hysterical creature and erased this from my mind.
I also seriously considered ovulation. Not for the gain. But for my mood. I am really having severe PMS moodiness and it can be it. I told him this and he said that lately, I seem to be more pmsing during ovulation than during my period. Poor man the things he sustains...lol
But he also told me that this is the first winter I have actually lost some weight instead of gaining 5-8 kilos. And this is true. Winter is not a good time for me. March to October is my best, with the bestest months being April to July. Then in November I always loose track, then its the holidays, then its january the birthday month, then its February with so many birthdays and valentine chocolate and the carnival, and thn March I resume. This is what has happened since 2001 I started on this weight loss saga.If it wasn't for the winters, I would have been in the 70's by now.
It is just that I so wanted to be 89 kilos when I step in Amsterdam this year. Because for some peculiar reason only the body knows these 2 kilos seem to go off my lower legs. When I was 89.5 kilos a little tme ago (grrrr now I am getting mad with all the food and alcohol I had during the holidays depression), my boots were zipping so much better and I could wear them with thick woolen tights too! And Amsterdam is boots. And as I was telling him this he was laughing and said...so? Get the boots and wear them easily a couple of weeks after we return!!! Amsterdam is not the end of time you know! Remember how last year you bought stuff that was tight? And remember the joy you had when a few weeks later they were perfect on you? Don't you want to have this feeling again?
I tell you girlfriends, I have gotten me a wise, gorgeous wonderful husband!!!
Now I got to go get dressed and leave for work. In a certainly better mood than last night's. And earlier this morning too!