I had a good weekend in therapy. The marathon was a gift, as always. Since I take private sessions, I am always looking forward to the interaction of a group. And with these people, we been having marathons together for about 2 years. We do 4 a year, so it feels like a close group of friends now.
Body Psychotherapy is so different and so holistic than any other form of therapy ou might have had.
It treats the human being as a whole. Mind, Heart, and Body.
In the work we did in this marathon, the issue that came out for me was touch. Apparently, at some point in my childhood, I got cranky and refused to be touched, hugged, kissed, etc. I checked this with my mom later and this happened about a year and a half after my brother's birth. She said that for a long time I did not want to be held, or kissed, or have any kind of affection physically showed to me. I was three years old.
Not being touched grow us away from our bodies. Touch is the only medium to maintain contact with our bodies. Loosing contact results in strain, traction, and disturbed flow of energy. When energy is stagnant in parts of our bodies, these parts are like they are in winter sleep.
The therapists used the example of fat. Some women maintain their fat in their stomachs and bellies. For the school of therapy I follow this is a result of a surpressed sexuality. A big stomach hides our genitals. This is good news according to them. It means that the individual had the potential of a very sensual self, that was somehow scared in early childhood. Same goes for big fat thighs (just like mine).
(actually this was written yesterday, saved at the time to continue later, but later never came for blogging, due to meetings and appointments and the usual madness at work. Then, at 6 p.m., a girlfriend called me and asked me to meet her to our favourite shop so she could get me my nameday pressie. While I was on the phone with her, the owner of the shop called me to tell me that the trousers I had ordered arrived. So I left the office with lots of undone work and absolutely no regrets, and went there)
Boudoir D' Or
This is the name of the boutique. It is a big apartment actually, decorated with lots of gold and Luis XV furniture, where you book an appointment, you sit in a fancy sofa, have pralines and cookies and coffee and tea served to you, and then say...I want a shirt that I can wear all day to work and yet I want it to be somehow dressy so that I can go right away to the theatre without having to change. The two wonderful women who own the shop magically bring you just the right thing. They have sizes from xxs to xxl. They are on the high price range but not on the insane price range. And since both my friend and I always bring them new customers - I bring them my actresses and singers and all - we get a good 30% off, which makes things buyable for us.
The good thing about these ladies is that they know me and my body too well and always come up with things to show me that compliment my figure. So, one of them took the initiative to order a pair of trousers in my size, and call me after the pants arrived.
So when we arrived, she took me right in the other room, gave me the trousers and ordered me: Put this on!
I was holding the trousers in my hands telling her "Are you insane? There is no way I will fit in those!!!"
But the trousers were gorgeous. Black soft suede from top to bottom in the front side. Black silky elastic fabric from top to bottom in the back side.
So I squeezed myself in them, and looked in the mirror. I looked good! The elastic fabric made my thighs look smaller! I need to loose a couple of kilos for the waistline to be totally comfy, but it is not too tight to wear now!
I went to the main room so that my girlfriend could tell me what she thinks. And when she saw me she exclaimed...omg Argy! You lost at least 5 kilos since you went in the dressing room! Which made us all laugh, but which also was not an exaggeration. Some clothes are just cut perfectly and make you forget the lotsa euros paid for them. I mean...whoever designed these trousers acted like a liposunction expert. Squeeze a bit there and tada!
I am nervous.
The biopsy results have not come out yet. But they will today. By three o clock.
Breathe in....Breathe out...