Thursday, December 01, 2005
When the "tool" became my excuse
In loosing weight I have mainly used 3 tools:


Each of them has been used in a different way.


Therapy has been my major tool. Being a woman who has lost substantial amounts of weight a bit more than a couple of times, I realised that loosing is not the real pain. Maintaining is. And there should be a reason why I did not maintain before. As well as there is a reason why I eat so much to begin with. There should be no reason to lose it again if I was to regain it sooner than later. Of course, we really never had sessions "dedicated" to my fatness. However, in each and every session the fatness made herself present. As things became clearer, patterns of behaviour became more obvious, self destructive practices begun to eliminate themselves, some knowledge was aquired, some character traits smoothened, a lot of anger and sadness and pain were released, and acknowledged, and things in the dieting front became simpler, in a weird way, they became almost natural.


Then eating entered the scheme. I begun to eat better, and most importantly, I begun to eat less. I was not really a big junk food lover. I really gained most of my weight (s) eating mostly the good stuff. Grilled chicken. But almost the whole bird. Olive oil, perhaps a cup a day. Brown rice, certainly the equivalent of 10 points worth of rice per meal. Huge quantities of vegetables, but with the aforementioned cup of olive oil on them. Whole wheat pasta. The whole pack in a sitting. You get the point.

Cooking scrumptious dishes with less density, in fats, carbs, etc, became an art for me. I became really obsessed with achieving a 4 points per serving perfect lasagna. I made it my week's purpose to make spoon sweets with 150 gr of sugar per kilo of fruit, instead of a kilo of sugar per kilo of fruit. I used vegetables like never before. I was spending hours a day cutting and cleaning veggies for salads, stir fries. I dedicated an extra cupboard to spices and herbs.

And I did well.


Then the need to move (a result of therapy and eating right - see weighing less) rose. I suddenly wanted to walk instead of taking the taxi. Then I joined a gym. Then I bought a treadmill. Then my summer holidays stopped being all about the books I'd read while laying on the beach for hours and hours till I aquired the perfect tan. My summer holidays became more and more about snorkeling, long walks, hiking, swimming, racket ball, beach volley. Then I begun walking to work.

But you know, I have been thinking a lot lately. Along with all the changes inside me, it is quite expecting for the realisations to come too.

During all these months I have been toying with the same 3-4 kilos, gaining them, loosing them, gaining them, loosing them, I have done nothing but using my tools as my excuses.


After a very demanding and draining session, I have gone home to an already prepared dinner, to which I add things that increase its caloric/point-y value, with the excuse of me being really very stressed/sad/upset. Or have eaten the good dinner, and then have ordered icecream.


I have used my ability to cook really well although extremely low fat to trick me back into bigger portions. With the "oh this is just bulgur and veggies oh so good stuff" in mind, I have eaten portions 3 times bigger than I should.


Because I walked 10 k today, I have gained activity points/burnt more calories, so I deserve an extra piece of lasagna.

All these examples have happened during the last year on a daily basis. One way or another, I have managed to trick myself in using my tools as my excuses. Now that I can see back with a more clear and most importantly a more objective eye, I can reassure you that if I was to rank the three, eating would be the first.

In the previous attempts I had in loosing weight, I never exercised. I did a very sedentary life. But I managed to lose around 30 kilos twice just by eating well. There is no point in exercising if one needs to eat more to compensate, right?

Second would be therapy. But beware. Although therapy gave me the insight into many personal issues that had a direct relationship to my overeating, issues I never thought had anything to do with the extra weight, it also worked a bit like homeopathy does in the beginning of each cycle. Same way homeopathy tends to increase the symptoms at first.

And exercing makes me hungrier.

I do not know if all this post is clear to you. What I want to state is that I have been using my tools as excuses many times really. And while doing it, honestly it really never occured to me that I was doing it. So the reason for talking about it here is that perhaps, I am not the only one who did it, and if you did it too, perhaps it is also time to acknowledge it.

Posted by Argy at 3:25 pm
Anonymous Carla said...

I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to post something right when I need to hear it! Thank you so much for sharing!

9:29 pm

Blogger Denise said...

You have such great insights into your behavior - I'm envious!

11:38 pm

Blogger M said...

Absolutely!! At the beginning I made it a point never to eat more because I was exercising. And I lost weight quickly. Now if I run, walk, swim, I think I can have that extra piece of meat. Or have an icecream. Or get away with eating pizza. But I can't. It is a trick.

Thank you for making it very clear. I had already started this week again like I did at the beginning and this has helped to validate it for me.

Have a great weekend beautiful :D

11:50 pm

Blogger Catesa said...

mhmmm that exercising so deserve to eat a little extra rings some bells here, this week ive tried really hard not to do it but still used all my hard earnt fitness efforts in ice cream 'because im oh so stressed' might as well... its making me sick of my own logic

11:45 am


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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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