Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I am not sure... I mean, how would posting from work at the dawn of the second week could be described?

But ladies, I have had enough!!!!

My puter at home although resurrected still does not give me enough time online to post or comment, and I have things to tell you all the time in my mind which apparently will become last week's news. Additionally, I have been lucky till Friday, when I got on the scales, and saw a 0.5 kg loss, yes, I saw the magic 85.5, so I decided that my new lifestyle is adequate for losing weight without actually any effort. Beware of such conclusions!

The first week at work was illuminative of all sorts. First, I know now I can do the job. I knew that before actually, but I was really worried about the managerial part of my position. I can do this too, and I think I can do it alright too!

First week on the job also brought me the emotional eating saga again. This means that I am - was till yesterday actually - eating nothing during the day. I really can live on coffee and smokes while working, especially when there is stress, and there is lots of it. I guess this is something that I have been used to since I was a student. Then, once a day, usually late in the evening and after letting some of the daily steam out, my appettite returns with a vengence. Ms PcMan is me. At that time I really dont mind what I am eating as soon as I chew and swallow, chew and shallow.

The days from Friday evening to Monday evening were disasterous. I ate like 3 pigs. And today suddenly my pants fit perfectly. Which is very bad, because on Friday the same pants were loose. I know its the bloat and all the excuses I can certify here, but the truth is that although I can tell now that its only 3-4 days sensible eating and I'll be back where I was on Friday evening, but the truth is that I am in serious trouble.

I do not seem to be able to eat during the day. Not even chocolate! Today for instance an employee had her birthday and brought in sweets. I almost gagged at the mere view of them. Come 10 in the evening, I will search the entire house for chocolate.

What I really have to work towards is nothing but my mental state. I have really to be truth to myself and accept why although I am already enjoying the merits of being a smaller size, although I know all the tricks (and treats) of succesful weight loss, why I do not give myself the 3-4 months it needs for the big task to finally be completed!

It makes me angry sometimes when I remind myself that I have managed to lose almost 44 kilos. Loosing the remaining 17 seems like nothing compared to that. Still, I am kidding myself and you and keep a weight loss journal. I really feel ashamed at times when I real wonderful accomplishments of yours and I semi-try half the week to kill it all the remaining of the week. It is really a bad excuse. I tricked myself all this time by telling me I am just practising and perfecting the art of maintenance. But get serious Argy, maintenance is a word to be used when you need to maintain. Right now you need to LOSE!!!

86 kilos is grand compared to 130 kilos. I will accept the roses, thankyouverymuch, but hold the drum roll and the chocolates too! 86 kilos is just 4 kilos away from the 90's and these are so close to the 100's. I do not want to get back there. And yet I want my cake and the dog fed too!Ah I am getting angry again...lol

Now I got to go back to working.

But I will be back soon. I really really miss you!

Posted by Argy at 5:29 pm
Blogger kathrynoh said...

Good to see you back. It's a difficult time, starting a new job. Not just the stress but getting used to new routines as well. At least you know where the problems lie. I'm sure you'll be kicking butt again soon.

11:29 pm

Blogger ms ralph said...

Hi sweetie. We seem to be in the same holding pattern, but with different numbers. Hopefully after being at your new job a while you will settle in and then be able to have a healthy lunch and snack during the day. I am sending you lots of hugs.

11:37 pm

Blogger Denise said...

Love you, too, dearest Argy! Don't you get too down on yourself for the eating because you'll soon settle in and figure out how things work together and then you'll go back to it again. :)

12:39 am

Blogger Tracy said...

Congrats on getting hold of the new job, sounds like it's going great! I know what you mean, not being able to eat when it's stressful and busy. What I do - I force myself to eat little something every three hours. I have an alarm telling me to eat. Pathetic - but hey, whatever works :)

3:11 pm

Anonymous dg said...

so glad to feel like you can do the new job :)

i nearly cried reading the last bit, as we are around the same weight and the same to go, and both enjoying being smaller but unable to do the last push... i am finding this part so very hard... so just to let you know i understand completely! xxox

3:17 pm

Blogger M said...

Starting a new job brings with it many challenges. I remember that one of the things I did to fit in with the new crowd was to go to the take out place with them every lunch - because that is what they do. Only now am I comfortable enough here to bring in my own food, eat my way, without fear of being left out or made fun of.

It is great to hear that you are getting into the job. That it is hard but going well for you. If at all possible you need to try to break through the non-eating at work. To establish a better habit now before the other one is just to strong to break. Perhaps even start by making one of your super delicious energy smoothies and bringing that in with you. That will at least take some of the edge of the hunger in the evening.

As much as some people don't think it does - working on weight loss takes a lot of time and a lot of mind space. It is hard to comprimise on as the results are then not as good. You have done so many wonderful things and I am always mindful of the struggles you have been through to get where you are. This helps me pull my head in when I start feeling sorry for myself :)

I hope you have a lovely day and that you give yourself permission to have a break during the day, to give yourself sustenance for your body. You never know, you could be the breath of fresh air that the company needs *mwah*

11:56 pm

Blogger Kate said...

Big kisses - you are gorgeous and amazing no matter how much you are losing or not losing. I can understand how you are feeling (I've just gained back 8kgs of my 12kg weight loss in a matter of weeks!!) - I hope that life settles down a little for you soon!

8:27 am

Blogger Mary said...

LOL yes, beware of such conclusions. I have been in the same predicament ;-) I have missed reading your posts Argy but I am going to make time now. I started a new job too.

Well done for losing another 500g! Be good to yourself with your eating though. I am in a very deadline driven stressful environment also and eating well is so so important. It helps to settle your mind and body. I think we are able to deal with situations better when we are well nourished. Even if you just have a banana here, an apple there, do it for your mind, body and spirit.

I must dash again now but I'll catch up during the day. Cheers.

8:48 pm


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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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