I am not sure... I mean, how would posting from work at the dawn of the second week could be described?
But ladies, I have had enough!!!!
My puter at home although resurrected still does not give me enough time online to post or comment, and I have things to tell you all the time in my mind which apparently will become last week's news. Additionally, I have been lucky till Friday, when I got on the scales, and saw a 0.5 kg loss, yes, I saw the magic 85.5, so I decided that my new lifestyle is adequate for losing weight without actually any effort. Beware of such conclusions!
The first week at work was illuminative of all sorts. First, I know now I can do the job. I knew that before actually, but I was really worried about the managerial part of my position. I can do this too, and I think I can do it alright too!
First week on the job also brought me the emotional eating saga again. This means that I am - was till yesterday actually - eating nothing during the day. I really can live on coffee and smokes while working, especially when there is stress, and there is lots of it. I guess this is something that I have been used to since I was a student. Then, once a day, usually late in the evening and after letting some of the daily steam out, my appettite returns with a vengence. Ms PcMan is me. At that time I really dont mind what I am eating as soon as I chew and swallow, chew and shallow.
The days from Friday evening to Monday evening were disasterous. I ate like 3 pigs. And today suddenly my pants fit perfectly. Which is very bad, because on Friday the same pants were loose. I know its the bloat and all the excuses I can certify here, but the truth is that although I can tell now that its only 3-4 days sensible eating and I'll be back where I was on Friday evening, but the truth is that I am in serious trouble.
I do not seem to be able to eat during the day. Not even chocolate! Today for instance an employee had her birthday and brought in sweets. I almost gagged at the mere view of them. Come 10 in the evening, I will search the entire house for chocolate.
What I really have to work towards is nothing but my mental state. I have really to be truth to myself and accept why although I am already enjoying the merits of being a smaller size, although I know all the tricks (and treats) of succesful weight loss, why I do not give myself the 3-4 months it needs for the big task to finally be completed!
It makes me angry sometimes when I remind myself that I have managed to lose almost 44 kilos. Loosing the remaining 17 seems like nothing compared to that. Still, I am kidding myself and you and keep a weight loss journal. I really feel ashamed at times when I real wonderful accomplishments of yours and I semi-try half the week to kill it all the remaining of the week. It is really a bad excuse. I tricked myself all this time by telling me I am just practising and perfecting the art of maintenance. But get serious Argy, maintenance is a word to be used when you need to maintain. Right now you need to LOSE!!!
86 kilos is grand compared to 130 kilos. I will accept the roses, thankyouverymuch, but hold the drum roll and the chocolates too! 86 kilos is just 4 kilos away from the 90's and these are so close to the 100's. I do not want to get back there. And yet I want my cake and the dog fed too!Ah I am getting angry again...lol
Now I got to go back to working.
But I will be back soon. I really really miss you!