Saturday, October 08, 2005
How have I been lately...
My days are hard, and my nights are harder. On Thursday afternoon at 5.30 we started a conversation with my partner that lasted till 8.30 in the evening. I struggled to not say things. And I have regretted not telling them. Actually to be honest, the hurt part of me regretted this. The more mature one, the one who initially made the decision to never bring these things up again in order to maintain a pleasant environment, the "friend" part of me who really understood and decided to not create conflict over character traits that simply don't change at the age of 46 hanged on to my decision and simply stayed there listening to all the accusations.

However, ever since I keep having all these "versions" of the conversation playing in my head. What if I told her this, what if I told her that, would she then realised the whole situation for what it really is? And the tapes play as soon as my head hits the pillow. Which keeps me up till 3 or 4 am. Which gets me really tired at 8 am that my alarm rings, and has me in a weak emotional state all day long, resulting in sudden tears falling on my cheeks out of the blue.

Then, the atmosphere at work is not nice either. Heavy, really heavy. And there is going to be another round of not so nice conversation soon, because she wants us to close the company at the end of the year and my accountant told me to close it the moment I go. She needs the extra couple of months to show on the company revenues so she can get a loan to buy a house next year. With the specific profits she wants to show coming in in the last trimester of the year and the salary I will be getting the next two months I will have to pay a lot more taxes on the other hand.

We agreed however that I should be going sooner than original planned. So that means that I can start on my new job on November 1st, which is my nameday :) A fresh start on the start of my favourite month, this can't be wrong!

Tonight we have a theatre permiere and I just cant bring myself to go. Thank God Angelos is coming with me! Though I am not sure I can stop my tears even in front of him.

I am not eating well either. This means I cannot have breakfast, because I wake up with a very heavy head every morning. And then when I am at the office I cannot eat anything, my stomach is tied up the whole time. I feel no hunger and it is difficult to even swallow coffee and water. Then I come back home and after a while I become ravenous. But I cant eat that much cos my stomach is still tied up.

But on Monday bright and early I am going to sign my contract on the new place. Then I will be showing my office, and most probably meet some of my team. I hope this will make me feel better.

The truth is that what has hurt me the most is the reasons she told me I was offered the position for. Lets call the woman who offered me the position G. and my partner E. So these are the resons for the job offer according to E.:

1. G. wanted to make E mad
2. G wanted to make E jealous
3. G wanted me because of my friendship with the minister's wife, so she will have some governmental back up
through me.
4. G wanted to destroy E's company
5. G is using me to get to E
6. Many people have refused this position because they are well aware of what a "whore" G is, so I was her last choise because...well...because I am so naive to accept it.

The possibility of me being actually the right person for this job because of my background both academically - you need a Master degree for this position) and practically - 7 years experience in big productions - did not cross her mind at all.

So now I am going to take my husband (who has been so super sweet all these days, that he went out before I woke up this morning and bought me breakfast from my favourite bakery though I still can't eat it) and go out for a bit of shopping. I will need a whole new wardrobe of things to wear in the new job, like suits and stuff. P.R. in theatres and concerts has a very free dress code, but this is a very "formal" organisation for me to show up with just jeans and a jacket during the first weeks at least!

And I have to tell you that I am having serious scales withdrawls the last couple of days. I can feel a bit of a difference in my clothes and I just NEED to see a good number to cheer me up! I am going to wait till October 19 though!

And last but not least, thank you all for your support these last days. Your comments have brighten up my days and have made me feel less of a bad person!

Have a gorgeous weekend!

Posted by Argy at 10:28 am
12 Comments:
Blogger Catesa said...

#6 makes my blood boil... i still cant believe this 'friend' dares to even belittle you that way, dare try to guilt you out of a fantastic opportunity. ooooooo i see red >:-(

well they say something good always comes of something bad so you starting your new position on your name day and getting out of the toxic environment is certainly a good thing. lean on A. tonight, you may not be able to stop your tears but take comfort in his closeness
kisses luvy xox

12:04 pm

 
Blogger Mary said...

Your partner is *only* 46? There is always time to change bad character traits and not an excuse for bad behaviour. I am so glad you are going to start your new job on November 1st and go shopping for new clothes!! This will be good therapy. You're partner is simply jealous and hopefully she realises this in good time. Either way you are moving forward hon and are going to be fabulous! Be good to yourself *hugs*.

12:37 pm

 
Blogger Shannin said...

What a rough time, Argy. I think that these conversations should only reinforce your decision. You need to make sure you are taking care of you - not her.

As far as the upset tummy - make sure you are at least drinking water so you can stay hydrated. That should help with the knots.

8:00 pm

 
Blogger airlie said...

baby! i have just had this same sort of thing at my work. I was told by my so called friend that someone else was watching me through windows and kept commenting on the job i was doing. In the end it upset me so much I went to the other person and confronted her ( something I normally wouldn't do because I don't like 'rocking the boat') what I found was that it was all wrong and the other person confronted my so called friend and now SHE is on the defensive....not me!

Put your mind to rest and talk to G! You will feel so much better for it!@

hugs

10:26 am

 
Blogger M said...

Hugs & tissues *mwah*

1:24 pm

 
Blogger M@rla said...

What a shame there is so much drama associated with this move! At least, you are learning that your partner is not who you thought she was, you will have a clear conscience about leaving. Your new position will be so exciting, soon this will all be behind you.

2:59 pm

 
Blogger Emma said...

This whole story makes me so sad. I thought people grew up and stopped acting like this, and no one had any friendship dramas past, well my age. But they keep happening. Oh well, best of luck with the move, you'll be fantastic. Tell us some more about exactly what you'll be doing when you get chance (for those who haven't a clue about PR ;))

Incidently, I've added you in a link on my sidebar, thought I'd let you know more out of courtesy than anything. If you object do let me know and I'll remove you :)

Take care, update soon :P

10:58 pm

 
Blogger kathrynoh said...

Your partner sounds very bitter. Is it possible to set some kind of boundaries for your further discussions because it doesn't sounds like she is being very fair to you.

I hope you can get some sleep soon. Being overtired never helps anything.

Look after yourself :)

2:33 am

 
Blogger ms ralph said...

Oh my beautiful argy, you remind me so much of myself. I hope you feel better soon, and are at least able to see a great # on the scale! ;)

11:29 am

 
Blogger Wendy said...

Wow, E is a *real* narcissist, isn't she?! To think that G would only hire you out of motivations that involved E exclusively. Sheesh. She barely seems to notice that you exist as an independent person. I second Marla - it sounds like you have found out the very hard way that E is not the person you thought she was. This bad break shows, though, that you have very definitely made the right decision.

Good luck sorting through your understandably hurt feelings. It's difficult to do, I know. Perhaps it will help some to remember that all this negativity from E - just like her reactions to the job offer - are all really about her, not you. She seems very threatened, bitter, and jealous. And angry that you are doing what she was unable to do. most of us would likely be jealous and a bit angry, actually, but to be so nasty... there's really no excuse.

This sounds like a wonderful fresh start for you, Argy. Bask in your offer and preparing for an exciting new worklife!

12:31 am

 
Blogger Wendy said...

sorry, I should clarify my prior comment - I don't think you did anything deserving of anger - was just saying it seems natural to me to feel a bit angry at someone else's success sometimes (not necessarily that the successful person deserves it!). but to feel angry or hurt is one thing; to lash out at someone so meanly is quite another.

12:37 am

 
Blogger Mary said...

I hope you are doing okay babe!? Just been thinking of you :-)

4:30 am

 

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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

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