Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Get busy!
I am obsessed with food. Seriously obsessed. I have been obsessed with food as an overeater. And I have been further obsessed with food as a dieter.
On my eat-to-test-the-expanding-abilities-of-my-stomach days, all I was thinking about was what to eat next. As I was gorging myself with every huge bite, I was contantly thinking of what to eat next. Sweet? Savoury? Both? It took me many years to realise that a big part of why this was happening was that I was just swallowing my food without actually tasting it, and that left me insatiable for a next new taste.
When I consiously entered the weightloss battle field this last time, a bit more than three and a half years ago, I became more obsessed with food. I had to make the most of my points. I had to come up with sensuous new recipes using simple and healthy increients, lots of vegetables, less olive oil, you know what I mean. But it had to be sultry and yummy, cos otherwise I would be hit by deprivation again and I would give up. Like I have done so many times in my life before.
But really, there was not much difference between me when I was eating mindlessly like a pig, and me when I was sensibly eating like a model dieter. Because I was totally obsessed with food in both situations. Even during my detox, where my choises of allowed foods is really very limited, I catch myself thinking of different varieties of apples to eat in different ways. I like my pink lady ones raw with cinammon, I boil my red apples, I have my granny smith's baked, I have the Gala ones for breakfast. And I won't even take you to the different combinations of veggies and herbs for the salad. That obsessed I am!
It is in periods like this current one, that the reality of this realisation (bad english) strikes me like the most important discovery in my life. Though it has been discovered over and over again, and manages to so easily slip my mind afterwards.
I am mad busy with this Festival. Not just because of the daily events that we have to promote and attend as well. Which means that I leave home around 10 and don't return before 1-2 am. Every day! But because there are other projects that are either running, or start in a short while, and we run like mad all day long. My partner does not do more than a couple of nights a week, since she has her baby, so I have to be in almost all events, sometimes 2 or 3 in the same evening.
And the same happened in September - October. Because my partner had just gave birth, I was working for two, I had all the theatres opening, the congress, the club, lots and lots of work!
During these times, I do not have the time to think about food. I know it is lunch time only because my stomach starts making noises. I go back home at some point, open my salad container, throw a couple of handfuls in a bowl, add olive oil and the rye rusks, and mechanically munch on them while I am going through numerous lists of still-to-do things for work.
I don't think of food. I think of work, love, when I will finally find time to repot my plants, when I will see my friends, when will spring decide to finally come and STAY, how I can fit in 20 more minutes of treadmill in my day, without sucrifising any of my little sleep time, and the likes.
When I am really busy, I don't think about food. Of course, I do not want to live my life like the last couple of weeks with such a work overload, so that I won't think about food. What I want to do though is really work on this situation of not thinking about food as if my life depends on my taste! Dieting or not!

Posted by Argy at 1:47 pm
2 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Agry I’m so with you on this one. I to think about food a lot and yet I’m so far from the point you are at. I think that I’m still at the phase where I just swallow so fast that I don’t really get the chance to fell what the food actually tastes like. You describe your sensations of taste and texture in your food in a way that I think that I have never experienced it.

And about the need to get a taste that satisfies you. When eating something that I’m not very fond of and which does not satisfy my need for taste I often catch myself unable to stop at just a small piece. I go on eating, in some stupid way thinking that somehow I will find that satisfying taste in the next piece! And lets not talk about if I enjoy the taste, then I just cant stop eating because of how god it tastes. :-)

But you know it odd because in a way I envy you for your ability to think about food. You are such a great cook (by the sound of it) and are able to think out your own divine meals with a lot of healthy ingredients. I which that I will have some of that some day.

Cathy (LadyCathy2B)

11:18 am

 
Blogger Cat said...

Argy sometimes its so hard to get my feelings out but this post copies all the things i want to say... its like we are the same person sometimes, i didnt even realise other people out there do the 'crazy' thing with apples... i also eat my pink ladies with cinnamon (nutmeg too!) i like to put golden delicious in salads with grated carrot & raisins, granny smith with a tbsp of organic peanut butter and my elstar only in the afternoon with a big bottle of water after my workout/protein coffee shake/shower.

5:11 pm

 

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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Stats
Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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