So yesterday we had our healthy lunch, and then we decided to stay at home and not go to the movies. I dunno why, perhaps it was the long baths we both took that made us do not want to wear anything but pj's.
For me, it was another reason too. I got too depressed with the thought of going back to work. I have been at home since Christmas Eve, and it was hard to find the vigorousness it requires a first day of the new year at work.
So when Angelos suggested to order pita gyros, I was game easily.
After I ate them, I was wondering why it is so easy to just mindlessly eat. I was trying to remember where all this determination I had just a motnh ago went. I know all it takes is just a day. If I find my determination for just one day, then it will take its course.
The only good thing that happened yesterday was the brisk 90 minutes walk and that I smoked 13 cigarettes, 2 less than my allowed ones. But as Angelos said, the real challenge will be today at work, since I tend to smoke most of my ciggies during the working hours. I mean I usually have 2 to 4 with my coffee in the morning, and then a couple after dinner in the evening. And about 30 at work! So today I have to do with 10 at work, and I have been in the office for 50 minutes and have smoked 3 already!
I struggle inside me so much.
With eating I mean.
On February 2004, my husband, me and our two beloved friends took a 5 day shopping trip to Amsterdam. The sales there are incredible and we just love Amsterdam anyway. And Amsterdam, for a fat lady like me, is heaven to shop at, because it has lotsa shops to shop for plus sizes too.
I was 109 kilos back then. I did my fair share of shopping, but I realised that if I was thinner, I would have shopped more for less. So I promised myself that I would go back next year, and shop weighting a lot less than in February 2004.
We are going back to Amsterdam for shopping again. Angelos has some dates to check at work, but it will be either 27 of January to February 1, or February 10 - 15.
So surely, if I go back to Amsterdam now, in my 94 kilos, I will be 15 kilos less than last year. But if I went to Amsterdam in December 15 I would have been 20 kilos less! How I managed to gain 5 kilos in 3 weeks! It makes me angry and disgusted and upset and depressed and and and!!!!
Today I woke up, showered, and had breakfast. Just an apple, but I have had no breakfast in weeks!
And I got two water bottles with me to work. 3 litres have to be consumed till 6 in the evening!
And I got more fruit with me too. For lunch. And I took a chicken off the freezer to defrost so that I can grill the whole thing tonight, and hae some leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I plan to take the metro back home, and walk the 4 km that are between the last metrop station and home.
Just wish me good luck. If I walk, I know I will eat better at dinner. Grilled chicken and zucchinis.
The only good thing I did last night was packing all the remaining chocolates, cookies, cakes, and sweets for Angelos to take them to work today. Too many hungry men there will take care of them.
I must persuade myself that more chocolate and fatty foods are in no way capable of making me feel better!