Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Every time this particular window of blogger opens, the one where you actually get to type your post, I have this peculiar feeling of calmness. Kind of like I am sitting on my favourite cafe, all by myself, sipping my coffee calmly, chilling out, having it all to me.

My life is slowly getting back to normal. Slowly means:

I get to sleep with my husband in our bed instead of a hospital armchair.
I wake up and get to drink my iced coffee and read your blogs and shower in our own bath
I take my clean undies from my drawer and not from a hustily packed bag (gee...I got no clean bra!!!!)
On Saturday afternoon, my husband persuaded me to go buy new ornaments for our tree in an attempt to cheer me up. He succeeded!
We decorated our tree our bedroom and our living room and dining room. With our two best friends. Then we lit all the canddles and we watched Survivor while eating take away mixed grill and pitas and bulgur and chocolate covered raisins.
On Sunday we went groccery shopping in our favourite organic shop. WE got food at home again!!!

Slowly also means:

My mom is still vomiting a lot and that has made her very edgy. She always looks upset, angry, fed up, tired, weak. My heart aches to see her like that. And I will confess that I am so tired and depressed that sometimes it is extremelly hard for me to pamper her like she is 4 years old. And when I get this feeling, I honestly feel like a rat for having no more patience and the guilt almost chokes me.
The sound of the phone still makes me jump.
I have absolutely no desire for anything but sleep.
On the contrary, my poor husband has absolutely no desire to spend time in bed just sleeping, if you know what I mean.
I want to eat everything in site. Chocolate and sweets in particular. On Saturday and Sunday I binged to no end.

But I am trying. I managed to do a little christmas shopping. About 10% of what I have to do. And then my mom asked me to shop for her gifts as well. Only she doesn't know or want to think what she wants me to get for everyone. I can barely decide what to get them from us, let alone think of two pressies for each relative!!!

I am not too thrilled to cook for the family christmas lunch. Not right now at least. My brother came on Sunday and brought me a goose, a duck, a turkey, and 4 pounds of wild pork (? the ones in Asterix, the comic you know, don't you?) and I have to cook all these! Plus salads and side dishes and desserts.We will be sixteen people!

And unfortunately, I was in the office yesterday, and I will go soon now too, and something came up so I got to spend time there tomorrow too! So much for my free week huh?

And still all I want to do is sleep...eat...sleep...eat...sleep. Not sure I even want to shower!

Did I mention I am PMSing too?

I will see you tomorrow. I hope in better spirits. I am meeting with my two best girlfriends at 5.30 till 8, that I will have to be in the club for yet another event. One of them had her birthday yesterday, and since the other one always goes to the mountains for the holidays, it is an 18 years tradition to meet on the day after her birthday and have our own little Christmas before Christmas with pressies and all.

Posted by Argy at 1:35 pm
Blogger Tracy said...

Hello Gorgeous! Good to see you posting again - I missed your down-to-earth wisdom and warm sense of humour. Blogger calms me down too - exept when it eats my posts. Nowadays I'm prepared though and almost always have safety copies :) I can't believe you have to cook for 16 (!) people - I would not have dishes, pans and bowles big enough! Hope you'll get to sleep a little too - it's like putting money in a bank like my mother says :)

4:16 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be strong and take it one day at a time... you are truelly a real survivor to get through everything you have gone through in the last while. Hugs to you and hope you Christmas gives you lots of cheer.

Lyn :) @ www.bills-honey.diary-x.com

10:35 pm

Blogger Michelle said...

You are being so strong through all of this. I don't think I could do this myself. I hope your Christmas is full of good cheer and hope. All the best to you, your Mum and family.


1:04 am

Blogger Kimba said...

Hello my gorgeous friend. I know this is selfish of me but it's just soooooo good to read a nice long post from you! I've missed your writing a lot. It sounds like things are starting to come good for you and I'm really glad about that. The frustrations you're feeling are normal, don't feel guilty, you SO aren't a rat! I bet your Mum is thinking how lucky she is to have a wonderful daughter like you.

I hope that Christmas and the New Year bring much happiness to you and your loved ones, and that your Mum continues to get stronger and better.

Lots of love, Kimba XOX

11:28 am


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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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