Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Meeting someone I used to be super fond of or else...the merits of a therapy session among other things
I did more than I announced yesterday :) Here is the list:

I walked from the office downtown to buy my Norton update. 3 km in 20 minutes. I walked back.

I walked to my therapy session, another 40 minutes!

I had my lunch (leftover chicken and bulgour)

I drunk 4 lts of water

I snacked on tangerines

I ate boiled fish and boiled herbs for dinner. Just lemon juice, no oil!!!

I smoked 13 cigarettes!!!

But this is not the best yet. The best thing is that on my walk to my therapist, I met someone I used to like so much and have missed a lot lately. As I was walking very fast, at some point I felt out of breath. I was ready to sit on a bench and get some rest, when I saw the time and realised I only had 10 minutes till my session, so I had to rush.

(I left work late because I was looking for cheap hotels in Amsterdam in the internet...hehe)

So instead of decreasing my pace, I increased it. And after a few minutes, I met her!!! Good ole Argy mates!!! She was there standing next to me. Feeling the rush of endorfins again. Her cheecks redish from the exercise. Her breathing much deeper. Her eyes sparkling!

She and I rung the bell when we reached our destination.

My therapist opened, hugged me, wished me happy year, asked me to wait 5' and went back to his room.

I was feeling so brilliantly!

When I went in and sat, he said... What is have gained weight...your body looks tensed...your pelvic area and your back look like they have been gathering tons of bad energy.

I have been depressed, I said and ate and slept and ate and slept.

Why, he asked.

I dunno...I said. I think my body and soul is catching up with all the stress and fears and anxieties and sadness of working for 3 months non stop, having all teh projects of our company in my shoulders, then my mother's illness... I have also started panicking because I have no desire for sex, yet I want a baby.

Oh...he said.

I mean...I am torn apart the entire month. Let's say I get my period. Then for the next days I am counting days and is the 10th day, I must ovulate soon, I got to have sex tonight! Then tonight I have no desire, I don't have sex, I get all sad and paranoid that I am getting old and not try and I will end up childless. This goes on every day till the day I feel like having sex and I realise that it is not possible to still be ovulating. Then I get sad because I lost this month too and I get so depressed I am not in the mood for sex again. Here. I want to loose weight yet I am eating, I want a baby and I don't feel like making love, I want to exercise and yet watch another dvd, I want to change my job and yet I make no moves!But I have had a couple of days with good eating and mooving again and now I feel tons better!

And he laughed!

He made me breath deep to relax first. Then he said. No more talking today Argyro. Get up. We will do grounding exercises, clear your energy with some more exercises, leave 10 minutes at the end to discuss your feelings during the exercises, then you will go home, and soak in a hot bath with hot water and a kilo of sea salt for 40 minutes. Every ten minutes you will do a series of breathing exercises while in the bath. You must be in the dark, with nomore than two canddles if you don't like dark dark. Now, while we will be doing the exercises, I would rather you do not think of anything. Just feel your body. And try to feel where you are now. Not where you want to be.

The result was amazing. Although till that time I was feeling all energetic and vibrant due to my walk, gradually I got to feel like 100 years old. A sad, tired, almost sick 100 years old woman.

And I realised exactly where I am.

I am in a point where I have lost most of myself. By not tending to my needs for all these months, I forgot what my needs are. By not taking the time to give myself the time to decide what she wants, I have lost me. I did not know what I wanted to eat during the holidays. Yet I was eating everything in site. And because I was not satisfied because I ended up feeling..shit,...I didn't want that pizza...I wanted something else...I would eat something else...and...and. But hastily. I would open the fridge and catch the first thing and just swallow it.

The same thing went on with everyhting.

I would open the closet, wear the first thing, then did not like it, but had no time to change, and go on with my day feeling unattractive.

I would not have the time to decide on putting on make up.

I did not have time for exercise.

Honestly, I felt guilty thinking about the things I want to do. I felt guilty thinking about things normal people think, when I had my mom that ill.

When I went home last night, Angelos look radiant! After I got out of the salt bath, he look like you are 20 years old! Then we ate, and talked about Amsterdam. Then we went to bed. I slept like a baby. And woke up in the middle of the night and "attacked" my husband. Surely I was not ovulating. But I did not think about it till just now :)

I am slowly becoming me again. 30 minutes in the treadmill this morning. A good breakfast of hot oatmeal with ff milk and cinammon and a dash of brown sugar. A container with lotsa greens and peppers and mushrooms and two boiled eggs is awaiting for me for lunch. A lean piece of meat is defrosting at home and will be minced to fill my beautiful zucchinis for dinner. Tomorrow is a public holiday. We will undo the christmas decorations after we return from the hills. We will go walking. Just the three of us. My husband, myself, and our love for each other and life.

Beware world. I am (slowly) coming back!!!!

Posted by Argy at 11:36 am
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If all therapy sessions were like this one, I do believe I would go out right now and find my own therapist to talk to. Unfortunately, I don't believe there are any around here that even come close.

I'm so glad to know that you are feeling better about *YOU*. Remember that it is ok to be selfish. If you don't take care of *YOU*, then you can't be of any use to those that need you. I know that was the absolute hardest lesson for me to learn. I'm here to tell you, though, that I'm a much better wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, friend, etc. right now because of it.


2:13 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, you sound so positive, this is great to hear :)

all the best, dg.

3:13 pm

Blogger Dazed said...

Yeah for Argy! You know, nothing makes my down in the dumps moods better than exercise. Even when I dont want to do it, dragging my heels, at the end of it all, I always feel better. I wish I could remember that everyday! Its a good feeling, try to keep it up! You can do it!

5:02 pm

Blogger Tracy said...

Wow your therapist sounds wonderful! A hot bath with sea salt in candle light is excactly what a girl needs after stressful time.
I know what you mean about loosing one's true self - I get that feeling too if I'm too busy working and catching a bus and paying the bills and going to the gym. I need time to just "be", "exist" ,and do nothing particular - that way my thoughts have time to develop and I become creative and energetic again. Doing nothing is like loading up a battery to me.

6:02 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! i just found your website and i am blown away with your honesty! You a truly an inspiration and i hope to read more of your daily antics!
i feel spirtually attached to you, it was if i was meant to find you as Greece is one of my favorite places and it holds a special place within my heart and i hope one day to come back!
keep up the good work!

10:47 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah - well said. You know you are only echoing what all women experience from time to time. You express this all so well and make me realise why I feel this way. I'd love to go to a therapist - I'm sure it would do me the world of good, but I'm reluctant. Too scared but maybe one day?

Don't stress too much about getting pregnant, your body will know when it is ready I am sure.


3:38 am

Blogger LisaB said...

Hi Argy,
You sound like you are making HEAPS of progress.
I sometimes think that our bodies don't allow us to get pregnant until we are emotionally ready to cope with another little person. Hopefully the therapist will help you to find yourself, and then that little soul out there will be able to find you too :)
Lisa xxx

10:20 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like you are having a hard time Argy, but it also sounds like you know how to get out of there - you have those positive thoughts deep inside you and they are wrestling their way to the top - you will succeed in every thing you want. You have so many people that I know of online, that support you and I can imagine you would have so many 'real life' friends that support you.

Hang in there my girl - you had a tough year and it will take time to move forward - but I HAVE NO DOUBT , YOU WILL MOVE FORWARD TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE :-)

12:30 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a beautiful entry!!! You gave me motivation and positive energy after reading this ... just like I had had a long relaxing bath! Thankyou, that even through your hard times you can give so much through your writings!

Lyn @

3:30 am


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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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