I feel better than earlier today. I have had a very bad weekend. Friday morning we had the bad news. All Friday and all the weekend my mother was in full denial. She was discussing seeing other doctors, seaking other chemo procedures, and the likes. I was telling her to find the two best doctors who do this kind of surgery and decide which one to use, and she was telling me, sure, because you know he can suggest further treatment instead of surgery.

The bad thing is that my dad was in the same ship. Let's see more doctors and then decide. He would suggest too.

And my brother could not agree more.

I had to be the bastard of the family and bring the reality in the party. At some point, on Sunday morning, where my brother with his wife and the kids were there, me and my husband and my parents were all gathered in the kitchen, and they were all saying such wise suggestions, I had to stop them and say...

"Sure, we can go to many doctors and ask for further chemo, and radiation and alternative medicine and and and. Of course, this way we can have the miracle and cure mom's cyst cancer. But since the cancer cells have started to penetrate the last layer of her cyst, which means that they will sooner or later have access to the rest of her vital organs, we will have to come up with such plans for whatever we might have to face next"

They hated me you know. I did hate myself too. They were having this casual conversation and I so wanted to be part of it. and feel hope, and dream that she won't have to go thru the cystectomy. But I had to be the bastard.

I am just back to the office after visiting her doctor with her. He was very thorough in describing the procedure. He reassured her that he will go for the option of not having the plastic bag, he said he will try to recreate the cyst in a way that she will go to the toilette like a normal person. Providing that her body allows him to do so. He told her that this is done so that she will get rid of cancer, and that she should treat this surgery as a way to a better health and not as an amputation.

We left and she was indeed better. So I am better too :)

Tomorrow we will go see the number 1 specialist in these kinds of operations. I had to use some vip's I know to get to him. I have never done this in my life before. But I would beg for anyone's health, let alone my mother's.

So tomorrow she will decide which doctor. But today I think she finally got in terms with the surgery. She feels hope. I do too.

Half the weekend I ate nothing. Nothing on Friday. Nothing on Saturday. Then on Saturday evening, I had a pizza binge.

I will let you know more tomorrow. I am so grateful that I begun blogging. I have used this to express many feelings and have been blessed with some wonderful women who show sincere concern and support. I have no words to thank you all.