The truth is...
that I did not do any exercise this week because I was hopping I would be pregnant. And I got my period today. Which is making me a bit unhappy, and a lot happy at the same time.
During the month of July I did 3 sessions with a different alternative holistic med concerning my female issues. Not that I have too many. Besides an obsession that something might not be functioning properly. Truth is that when I tested my hormone levels about a year and a half ago, they were either on the lower or the higher end of the normal range. For holistics this is not normal. So I went and did some things about it with someone who is famous about his fertility treatments among the circles of alternative med practitioners.
I am a bit unhappy not just because I am not pregnant. Mainly because of the closeness sex had while we were in the island, the peaceful love we made in the beach, I really hoped I had conceived under that circumstances. I would then had wonderful stories to tell my baby when they would grow up, I would take them there and show them. I mean, it is quite different to show your kid your bed and tell them they were conceived there than to show them a gorgeous beach and tell them they were the product of love and amazing moonlight. Yep, I am crazy I know.
But I am happy because after a year and a half it is the first month I got my period in 28 days. My full circle seems to be coming back. I have had a very stable 28 days cycle all my life, but for the last year and a half it got crazy. 25 days, 23 days, 24 days. It caused me a lot of stress and no gynaecologist could give me any answer besides the "I assume it's normal for a woman's cycle to change when she is getting older". Getting older is not something a woman at her 36 wants to hear when she wants to have her first child you know!
Also, another thing I am happy for is that although I had cravings the past few days, which might be PMS related or first-week-back-on-track-after-a-month-of-piginess related, I had no mood swings and my cramps are minimal too! Please dear hormones, let this mean you have been stabilised!!!
But the most important thing that comes along with my period is a September of extreme dieting and exercise. I am really going to work my best and try and loose as much as I can this month. Getting pregnant at a lower weight is very strong an incentive for me. Because along with the sweetness filling my body on the thought of me actually being pregnant this last week, also came a feeling of guilt. Guilt for not having tried to loose some weight for my body to be a better place for my baby to grow in. Fear that no matter how diligent I would be during a pregnancy I would still give birth close to 100 kilos. It can naturally and easily happen you know when you get pregnant close to the 90's!
I will not spend more time contemplating different forms of exercising. Fun ones like a pool or dance classes. Tomorrow morning the treadmill gets plugged in again. And the training from the coutch to 5k begins! Before going to the beach. After all I am not sure I will be able to swim too much on the second day of my period. And if tomorrow I am feeling as sleepy and bloated as I feel this morning, I may postpone the training for a day, but the treadmill will still be pluged in, and I will get to it even for a slow walking session.
And it is time for portion controll too. I think I will eat the same way I ate this week, but in order to control my portions I will count points. 20 to 22 points a day will be good for a start, don't you think?
Wish me a good dieting September my friends. My reason for it is really very serious!!!!