Perhaps this is what the real reason for my weakness to resume my good eating is. A refusal to get back. A refusal to get back to every day life, where I have to work, tidy the house some, shop for grocceries, wake up with the alarm clock, sleep early-ish, ovulate, take advantage of ovulation, wait to see if I am pregnant this month too, trying to use the treadmill, deciding what the next plan of action should be.

I was thinking about it yesterday, while I was waiting for the bus to go to my girlfriends's house, with my bag heavy from the gifts I got for her and her kids, and I was so pleased with this, that it stroke me.

I have a problem with adjusting to reality after a great dream! And this trip was like a dream. Angelos is so wise in this. He makes the most of the dream, and then returns refreshed and recharged to his every day life. I somehow get so sad for having to wake up the next day and go to work that I manage to loose so much of the new power in my recharged batteries!

So this is something I have to work on really. Because by doing some things of what we used to do in the trip, like eat this and that, or think about more shopping, will not get me anywhere nice. I will simply wake up one morning back to the number in the scales that totally freaked me out after the holidays. And I really worked so hard to get rid of those extra kilos with the detox, that I really do not want to blow it!

But this is going to be a very difficult weekend. Tonight we are going to the house of our friends who were in Amsterdam with us. Because they have photos and we have photos too! (Denise, the shops' windows came out nice, so soon you will see them :) I was thinking of trying to make an online album with the Amsterdam trip, but I will need to find out how first...lol

Anyway, tonight is the Amsterdam gang back together, and we will try to recapture the entire atmosphere. They all want "a last smoke". And I know there will be food. And then tomorrow we will meet some friends we haven't seen in ages for lunch. And then in the evening we will go to Sofia's and Vangelis' for our regular Sunday evening meeting. Where we all get silly and say stupid things and laugh oh so much!

Angelos and I were discussing things last night (things = diet and how hard it is right now to get back to it for me) and he told me that pushing myself has never proved succesful. He said that I should take it easy, enjoy the weekend, think of it as a small extension of the trip, and then Monday resume. I just hate this "I will start my diet back on Monday" mentality yet, I am such game to it in times like this one.

And to be honest, I do not know what I want to do. WW is always on my mind, for the sole purpose of having someone weigh me in. I am also seriously considering my partner's nutritionist, but she is giving your eating program based on your blood type, and I am NOT willing to have my blood taken before to find out what my blood type is (cos I had tested for it but have forgotten it too!) I just hate needles!!!

Then, I have pages and pages of old diets that worked miracles in the past, designed for me especially by nutritionists. And I also have my old WW books, though now they just introduced Flex points in Greece. We had winning points here before. I enjoyed Core when i tried it a few months ago, but then, I love big portions, and "eat as much as you need to feel satisfied" has been dangerous for me. Because I realised that I was eating 100 gr of uncooked bulgur for dinner with meat and veggies (cooked of course...lol...the uncooked 100 gr was just to show you the enormity of my quantity).

When I was in WW a couple of years ago, I really learned to control my portions. But I feel that I have to re-learn all this again.

I know how to cook healthy. I am extremely good in making dishes that noone can tell there is no oil or butter in them. I can make rich sauces with simple tomato juice and herbs and spices that are so thick youwould swear there is at least half a pack of corn flour inside. And there is none. I can turn a boiled chicken breast to a miracle with mustard and lemon and herbs. In our freezer we have 5 pieces of 500 gr each lean organic beef, 2 whole free range organic chickens, and a half of a whole salomon fish that my dad smoked for us, should be at least 1.5 kilos! In our closet we have azuki and kidney beans, whole weat pasta, bulgur, brown rice and organic basmati, lentiles, some other legumes i do not know the names of, and organic tomato juice. In our fridge we have zuccinis, peppers, white and purpple cabbage, lettuce, herbs, shallots. And we also have onions and lemons, and oranges and apples and potatoes. Oh and a few avocados too. And feta cheese. And rice crackers. And olive oil and dry herbs and soy sauce and balsamic vinegar and mustard and spices. This is good stuff. All good food with high nutrients grown organically and enough to last us for 6 weeks! (besides the veggies of course).

And I also have the right containers. You know, my forever lasting fresh salad tupperware container. And I am looking at my treadmill as I am typing this. And my running shoes too. And I am also looking at the Amterdam photos. I have tried to find last year's photos and all I managed to find is this peice of paper that has all photos on it small like stamps, you know the Index print I think its called (we have a small cannon that uses the advantix film). And I can see the difference. I can't show you because they are too small, but I am sitting here with both index prints of this year and last year and a magnifying lense and I can see the 20 kilo difference. And in this year's photos, there are some that I look really "almost normal" but this is just the camera's angle. Because in some I can also see my huge thighs. Not due to the wrong angle I am afraid. And also, as Angelos pointed out, in some pictures, the ones from the first couple of days, I am really swallen from the flight and yes, I was wearing very loose pants so that I could also wear leggings and tights because it was cold. And I am also wearing a thermo blouse and a very heavy sweater and a very thick jacket too. But still... I am fat. I am not monsterous fat like I used to be, but fat altogehter.

Bottomline is, I love this blog. Because as I am typping all this, things begin to form in my mind. I have a house full of great food excellent for eating to kill the fat. And I have my treadmill. And I have my desire to loose weight too. Perhaps I should just stop here, and hit the kitchen. Start cooking baby! Prepare snacks for tonight to take with me! Oh really! I can do this again. I know how to do this. Plan. Prepare. Move.

This woman is moving to her kitchen now! And then, I promise I will tidy up my closet and unpack my suitcase. Time to get serious and back to business!!!!