I could not come up with a title. How can you choose the right words for what words do not exist for? I spoke to my mother's doctor. A few hours ago. The news are not good. Yes the tumor was cancerous. And yes it has affected her gall bladder. Yes, there are things towards treating it. But from what the doctor's experience says, we will have to have her gall bladder removed in a few months.
We decided with the doctor that it is best to not tell her that her gall bladder is affected. To tell her that because the little tumour was cancerous she will have to go through the effusions for precautionary reasons. And we will take it from here.
She sounded great when she called and said to me her news. That was of course after I had spoken to her doctor. She said...honey I wish I could tell you that the biopsy was not positive, but this little thing was cancerous after all. However it is all removed and there is no problem with me now.
I do not feel strong. I do not feel. I am numb and pretend to work but my mind cannot concentrate on anything.
I do not know how to break the news to my brother. I have decided not to tell my father and have asked the doctor to not tell him anything more either. He has his own health problems and I am afraid he won't take it well.
Horrible images feel my mind. And as usual, like every day when I go home from work, I will have to stop by her house (we live very close) and pretend I am happy that the worst is over. I fear the moment I see her. I fear I will burst into tears.
I must be strong.