I do my mind work. I do it once a week with my therapist. And I do it 24/7 a week alone. I do it with my husband. I do it with my friends. I do my mind work in front of the mirror, talking to myself out loud. I do it silently inside my head minutes before I drift to sleep.
I discover my demons and I confront them. And I confront them. And I confront them. With sincerity and devotion. And I confront them more. Deeper. And then, I confront them some more. And then I have a good number of successful days. And I think... aha! I confronted them! Strong and for good! Now I can forget about them!
It is then that happens. I loosen my guard, and the sneaky ones re-appear!
It took me years of yoyo-ing to finally accept the fact. My demons are unforgettable. My demons shall never go away. My demons are part of who I am. Confronting them is endless. I will have to confront them every single day. One way or another. The realisation of it made me feel tired at first. Is this something I will have to live with for the rest of my life? Isn't there a remedy? Something I will do, no matter how hard, and be done with them, for good, for ever and ever?
Then I thought of the latest confrontations. And the sweet feeling of accomplishment. And the bitter feeling of self disappointment. And how both of them make me feel alive and kicking. Each on its own way. Struggling, but with a cause.
Living a life is a full time job. I'm almost glad to announce that confronting my demons is a full - life job! It almost seems that the more things on my plate lately, the more variation I find in them.
I confronted my demon again last night. And the bastardious chocolate went from my hand to the garbage bin. Instead of second thoughts, I had a smile in my face. The scales thins morning said 90.2. Confronting a demon burns calories apparently *wink*