Friday, May 06, 2005
Small
I thought there was no way I could reach 10.000 steps yesterday. I was back home at 9 pm and the devilish device had 8.978 steps. My mom was not home so I could not go take the dog out for a walk, and I was really tired to just go out by myself. Angelos returned home and wanted to go rent a dvd so asked me to go with him. You know what he did? He got on the car after we took the dvd, and then started the engine and left!!!! Bastardious creature made me walk home laughing all the way. Still, I got home and it was less than 10.000 steps. 9.753! So for my little revenge, I was walking around the living room singing out loud (and not letting him start his dvd) till I saw 10.000 steps!!!

I told our landloard we are leaving at the end of the month yesterday. He was shocked and sad. He asked me how I can leave the neighbourhood. "You live here for 25 years, isn't it hard?" he asked me.

I feel like I am two people recently. There is this grown up woman who wants better quality in her life, a better place to live, a bigger place to expand her family. Angelos and I are day dreaming about the new house all excited. He tells me he is going to buy a big bbq and grill me veggies and meats and fish every night for dinner. I am getting all excited about the big balcony and tell him what new plants I will get and how I will arrange them. We are looking for balcony furniture. I even went and bought colours to paint my teracotta pots in red and green and orange and turquise and make the balcony happy. He tells me how gorgeous our christmas tree will look next to the fireplace. He is so exciting we will have a fireplace. I spend hours daily on the benjamin moore site playing with their thingy that colours the room in your colours of choice and try to decide the colours for the livingroom and kitchen and bedroom.

Then, I know my Sundays will never be the same again. On Sunday mornings, I usually wake up before him, and make my coffee, and still on my pj's, without having washed my face or brushed my teeth, I go down the stairs, get out in the street, walk for 40 seconds, go two buildings down, ring the bell, take the elevator, and I see my dad waiting for me in the door, saying always the same: "Morning dirty eyes" with a mischief in his own eyes. He teases me cos I have left over mascara in my eyes. Then I see my parents for a little while, then I go home and wake up Angelos, or he wakes up and comes and joins me in my parents' house.

Every day, when I come back from work, I pass by my mom to see her for 5 minutes. This is all the time I spent there, 5 minutes, and this makes the whole difference in my day.

I think of things like this and I feel my eyes watering. I broke down in tears late last night when Angelos said something along these lines. I was crying and crying and could not stop.

This must sound so silly and childish to you. It does sound childish and silly to me too. And it takes so much of me to try and hide it so that I won't spoil Angelos' happiness or won't upset my parents. But the truth is I feel as if my umbilical cord is about to be cut again. I know I have to go through a very emotional three weeks and I also know that the moment I will be in our new appartment I will feel fresh and new and ready to start our family.

When we moved in this appartment, five and a half years ago, my mom and Angelos used to call the second bedroom "the nursery". At that time I did not want children, ever! So one day they were saying this and I told them that this bedroom will never be a nursery and will always be my study. Because I am greek thus superstitious, I feel I need to move out from here to start a family. This is not the only reason, nor the basic one. The basic reasons for mooving actually are three: in this building there is central heating. We were paying too much for heating all winter, and yet, the heaters turned off at 9 pm. We are never home before 9 - 930. We froze last winter. The second reason is the small balconies. It might sound weird to you, but in Greece, people actually live in their balconies from late May to early Ocotber. We eat dinner there, watch tv, have parties, bbq's. Our house is full of friends and family during the winter months, but with our tiny balcony, where only a small table and two chairs fit, we had no visitors during the summer months. And the third reason is that since we are trying to have a baby, we do need the extra bedroom, and Angelos thought bettr to move now I am not pregnant yet, so we won't have to do it during the pregnancy.

I could very well erase this post and stop it while I was still counting my 10.000 steps. My girlfriend who's a psychotherapist calls my state the ultimate accession to adulthood. One would have guessed that at my 36th year of age I would be ready for this. And my therapist is on holidays!!!!!

Posted by Argy at 8:57 am
9 Comments:
Blogger buttercup55 said...

What a beautiful woman!For some time now, i have been feeding on your posts , being in pain with laughter, sad sometimes , hopeful and excited !They are my precious bites of life and truth ,drops of exitement that add colour to my days! Rarely had i come across such an emotionally alive and rich human being and thanks to you ,dear Argy ,losing weight became bearable and dare i say fun and i also had a huge revelation :it was something i had to face (rather than temporarily fix it ),fight and conquer and get out of my way so i can enjoy the most precious gift ever:life itself.Thanks to you ,i started my own blog :www.forever55.blogspot.com and although sometimes it is witticism free ,it is the best way i could come up with to reach out ! I would be delirious if anybody out there got in touch ! A million thanks Argy!!!!!!!

12:57 pm

 
Blogger Kate said...

This may sound wierd but when i read your blog I feel like I am reading a nice novel. Lol. Hearing about your life is fascinating. Is that strange? :-) I can just picture what you are talking about. I smiled thinking of you walking around your living room singing to get up to 10,000 steps. Hehe.

12:58 pm

 
Blogger ms ralph said...

Don't ever feel silly for the way you feel. I know it must be hard to leave a place that you've been in for so long. It is always hard to change.

1:20 pm

 
Anonymous dietgirl said...

ahh, argy... i just love your entries :) i don't blame you at all for feeling emotional about the move, it will be a huge adjustment! but you are the kind of woman who will get through it with flying colours.

(will we get to see photos of your new place? ;)

2:47 pm

 
Blogger Catesa said...

Ahh sweet Argy in a way it is exactly how you describe it, cutting the cord again. How far are you moving? from the sadness in your words it sounds like a million km's away but how far in reality? and honestly it doesnt sound silly, the first time i moved out was 11yrs old and even now at 24 and not having seen mum in 6 years and being so far away i feel the way you describe, its really really hard but surely you are close enough to continue some of your traditions, stopping in to say hi after work? maybe on sunday mornings just waking and go together with A. in your p'js and hang out with them :) it will be ok, its not easy after 25yrs but you are ready to become a mum yourself and soon you will have a little one of your own who feels the same for you that you do of yours.

3:40 pm

 
Blogger - u said...

i agree with everyone else. reading you is such a pleasure. its like all the books i really enjoy: you get into the life of someone. (makes me feel like a pervert, but hey! ;op) you know, i can't wait to be 36 already. i'm 26, and my mental age must easily be somewhere at 14! i'm still waiting for men to ask me on "dates" old teenage style, ask me if i want to be "their girlfriend"... he he.

5:04 pm

 
Anonymous marta said...

Reading "Bastardious creature" made me snort out loud! People in the office are looking at me funny! You are great Argy. I agree with what everyone else wrote...you are a fabulous, sensitive, and fascinating woman. You will never let the new place get between you and your family, so I know you will be okay living in your new place. Don't worry, it will all work out beautifully.

7:19 pm

 
Anonymous Trish said...

I love your writing - it is like looking in on your life, so expressive and full of emotions...wish I could write like that and there are only very few people I say this too!

As for moving, I am sure you will start new traditions that include your mom and dad in some way shape or form and when little Argy or Angelos is born, even more new traditions will start.

8:11 pm

 
Blogger Shannin said...

OK, first you had me laughing at the 10,000 step story. And then you had me crying about your move. It is going to be hard, and you shouldn't dismiss how you are feeling. It's important to go through them...

4:32 am

 

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About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Stats
Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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