I thought there was no way I could reach 10.000 steps yesterday. I was back home at 9 pm and the devilish device had 8.978 steps. My mom was not home so I could not go take the dog out for a walk, and I was really tired to just go out by myself. Angelos returned home and wanted to go rent a dvd so asked me to go with him. You know what he did? He got on the car after we took the dvd, and then started the engine and left!!!! Bastardious creature made me walk home laughing all the way. Still, I got home and it was less than 10.000 steps. 9.753! So for my little revenge, I was walking around the living room singing out loud (and not letting him start his dvd) till I saw 10.000 steps!!!

I told our landloard we are leaving at the end of the month yesterday. He was shocked and sad. He asked me how I can leave the neighbourhood. "You live here for 25 years, isn't it hard?" he asked me.

I feel like I am two people recently. There is this grown up woman who wants better quality in her life, a better place to live, a bigger place to expand her family. Angelos and I are day dreaming about the new house all excited. He tells me he is going to buy a big bbq and grill me veggies and meats and fish every night for dinner. I am getting all excited about the big balcony and tell him what new plants I will get and how I will arrange them. We are looking for balcony furniture. I even went and bought colours to paint my teracotta pots in red and green and orange and turquise and make the balcony happy. He tells me how gorgeous our christmas tree will look next to the fireplace. He is so exciting we will have a fireplace. I spend hours daily on the benjamin moore site playing with their thingy that colours the room in your colours of choice and try to decide the colours for the livingroom and kitchen and bedroom.

Then, I know my Sundays will never be the same again. On Sunday mornings, I usually wake up before him, and make my coffee, and still on my pj's, without having washed my face or brushed my teeth, I go down the stairs, get out in the street, walk for 40 seconds, go two buildings down, ring the bell, take the elevator, and I see my dad waiting for me in the door, saying always the same: "Morning dirty eyes" with a mischief in his own eyes. He teases me cos I have left over mascara in my eyes. Then I see my parents for a little while, then I go home and wake up Angelos, or he wakes up and comes and joins me in my parents' house.

Every day, when I come back from work, I pass by my mom to see her for 5 minutes. This is all the time I spent there, 5 minutes, and this makes the whole difference in my day.

I think of things like this and I feel my eyes watering. I broke down in tears late last night when Angelos said something along these lines. I was crying and crying and could not stop.

This must sound so silly and childish to you. It does sound childish and silly to me too. And it takes so much of me to try and hide it so that I won't spoil Angelos' happiness or won't upset my parents. But the truth is I feel as if my umbilical cord is about to be cut again. I know I have to go through a very emotional three weeks and I also know that the moment I will be in our new appartment I will feel fresh and new and ready to start our family.

When we moved in this appartment, five and a half years ago, my mom and Angelos used to call the second bedroom "the nursery". At that time I did not want children, ever! So one day they were saying this and I told them that this bedroom will never be a nursery and will always be my study. Because I am greek thus superstitious, I feel I need to move out from here to start a family. This is not the only reason, nor the basic one. The basic reasons for mooving actually are three: in this building there is central heating. We were paying too much for heating all winter, and yet, the heaters turned off at 9 pm. We are never home before 9 - 930. We froze last winter. The second reason is the small balconies. It might sound weird to you, but in Greece, people actually live in their balconies from late May to early Ocotber. We eat dinner there, watch tv, have parties, bbq's. Our house is full of friends and family during the winter months, but with our tiny balcony, where only a small table and two chairs fit, we had no visitors during the summer months. And the third reason is that since we are trying to have a baby, we do need the extra bedroom, and Angelos thought bettr to move now I am not pregnant yet, so we won't have to do it during the pregnancy.

I could very well erase this post and stop it while I was still counting my 10.000 steps. My girlfriend who's a psychotherapist calls my state the ultimate accession to adulthood. One would have guessed that at my 36th year of age I would be ready for this. And my therapist is on holidays!!!!!