Friday, March 31, 2006
Spring always feels like a gift to me. It always brightens up my spirit and makes me do things I regularly do not do. Like cut on meat. I am a devoted carnivore you see. Give me a good grilled portion of lamp chops, and put next to them pizza, cheese, rich pasta, fresh baked bread, french fries, you name it, I will still choose the chops.

But when Spring enters, I turn semi-vegeterian.

I crave fresh pasta with fresh sauce. Like last night. I destroyed my little basil plants Im afraid. I got back home and looked at the salmon fillets I had taken out of the freezer to defrost for dinner, and put them back to the fridge. I took all the basil from my little plant, a banch of parsley, a bunch of mint, and a handful of leaves from my oreganon plant (fresh oregano is unbeatable...you really have to try it), put them on the blender with 3 big ripe tomatoes, and a clove of garlic, made my sauce, boiled some wholewheat penne, poured the sauce on them, and tada...dinner!

I like huge salads for dinner. With rye rusks cut in small pieces in them. And olive oil. Ah we Greeks and olive oil. You know, when our mother's exchange recipes among themselves, and give portions, they count the olive oil in water glasses. "You need 1 1/2 water glass of olive oil, 3onions, etc..." We buy our olive oil in metal vessels that have around 18 to 20 lt of olive in them. And the normal yearly consumption of a family of 4 is 6 of those. Angelos and I use a bit less than 2. 36 lt of olive oil in 11 months (cos Im not counting august, since we are always away for 3 week holidays).

We dont actually call it olive oil. We generally refer to it as oil, since we rarely use any other kind of vegetable oil. Olive oil is used everywhere. In frying too. And if you have a horrific ear infection, you will warm a tad of olive oil, take a qtip, and put it in your ear. It soothes the pain. When you get a splinter, you will put some olive oil and it will go out. When your hair gets too dry, you will put olive oil and a warm towel, and you will have baby smooth hair in an hour. When we do our red eggs for easter we will rub them with a towel soaked in olive oil to polish them and make them glow. When we were teenagers and wanted to go out for a heavy drinking night, we would eat a Tsp of olive oil and we would not get that drunk.

I dunno what caused this ode to olive oil now.

I have been very busy this week. We had our press conference about our big project yesterday. The minister of culture gave it for us. But we organised the whole thing. Smashing success. We were celebrating all day yesterday at work! 200 people, all media, photographers, cameras, glamour, I tell you. And even more responsibility now. When you have your minister of culture announce your 1.5 million project to the press it means a thing and one thing only. Everything must be perfect. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g!

And I had a therapy session yesterday too. Had not have one for 3 weeks. Still resisting. Still in obstinacy I'm afraid. And I am not looking forward to the marathon this weekend.But I will go...

I cannot add everyone in flickr. Just the people I know. And to add you, you need to make a flickr account of your own, and then give me your details and I will add you. Its not that I am hiding my face from the people I do not know who might read this blog but never comment. It is not that. But in most of my pictures there are other people too. And I feel more comfortable sharing them with the folks I have some relationship with. Which is most of you of course :)

Right, a post about olive oil, with no title and coherence. happy Friday!

Posted by Argy at 8:40 am | 7 comments

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
ewwww
First thought as I opened my eyes this morning was ewwww...work!

But its a bright sunny day and Im rested and relaxed so I will go ;)

I got a call from my therapist lat night...there is a marathon session this weekend. I should go, shouldnt I?....

Angelos and I ate like 4 pigs yesterday. But got a lot accomplished too!

There are photos from the weekend at flickr for those of you that are flickr friends. The rest who want to see them, leave me a comment and I will add you.

Right...shower now!

Posted by Argy at 8:39 am | 11 comments

Monday, March 27, 2006
Content
This is me today. Content. Relaxed. A bit sunburnt in the face too :)

We had a fantastic time! The weather was cloudy all friday and saturday, but brilliantly sunny on Sunday. What did we do?

Angelos and Sofia sleeped in each morning, while Vangelis and I woke up at between 7.30 and 8, had a fast coffee, took Kika, the dog-ess, drove for 15 minutes in quite roads with olive tree fields in both sides, me drinking in the beauty of the millions of wildflowers popping under the olive trees - this village is near Kalamata, where Sofia got me the olive oil, so its full of olive tree fields - got to the Spianza, one of the longest beach in greece, which extends for 40 kilometers, walked for 40 minutes, then another 40 minutes back, then went to the bakery, got them breakfast, and then home to wake them up. We spent a good few hours sitting in the garden, sipping coffee, teasing each other, laughing our heats out, and then went out for lunch.

Some liquid was always over-consumed. One day it was beer, the other day it was ouzo, the last it was wine. Then back home, and all of them would go for a nap, besides me. I would either take my book, wear a jacket, and got out in the garden to read my book, sipping on some iced coffee, hearing nothing but the sound of the icecubes dancing in the glass each time I brought it to my lips, and the birds singing. This quietness did miracles to my head and soul. At the end of the second day, I finally begun to hear my thoughts.

Then the rest would wake up, and we would all go for a walk, either back to that beach, or around the olive tree fields, and would walk for around 5 km to a near by village, and would go for a coffee, or a drink. Then we would walk back, take showers, get dressed and would go out to dinner. Where more liquids would be consumed...along with gorgeous simple food, in sufficient quantities too ;)

But do you know that in this village they still take the potato, peel it, cut it, and then fry it? In olive oil? This is how chips were made and still are there. No frozen chips you throw in vegetable oil to fry. Real potatoes in really good olive oil. When you come across this once every few years, do you think you can show ANY power? Actually, do you think you WANT to show ANY power? Not me darling. For starters we had slices of homemade bread, fresh tomatoes from the ladies garden, which she put in the blender, and she would bring you the fresh bread slightly toasted, a bowl of olive oil with garlic cloves in it, the fresh tomato "paste", and a small plate with fresh oregano leaves, and you would take pieces of bread, put a spoonful of this garlic olive oil on it, then some tomato, then the oregano, and then, of course, would moan from freshness, aromas, and health!

Then we would go back home, would built a huge fire, and would play scrabble, or start the long conversations about life, diet, dreams, children, work, money, football, makeup brands, new styles in clothes, the world hunger, organic produce, poisons in the air we breath, strechmarks, newest car models, you name it. And at some point, after a good laugh that would leave us all breathless, or a serious point that would leave us all frowing and speechless for minutes, we would look at each other, and would thank god for our luck to be a "family" of four for all the years we have had as couples.

I have told you the story, havent I?

Sophia and I met when we were 11. We were the first two families to buy apartments in the new appartment building. I met Vangelis when I was 13 or 14 in Lagonissi, where we have a summer house. I became best friends with both instantly. Sophia met Vangelis when they were around 17-18. Sophia were classmates with Angelos since the end of primary school. They were good friends. I met Angelos when I was around 18. Then, Sophia and Vangelis, in their early 20's started dating. So did we. They got married 2 years before us. We always spend christmas and easter together.We are in each others'house at least 3 times a week. We have gone through every rough and smooth spot together. She packed my underwear when we moved last May. I chose the plants for her garden without her being with me.

Yesterday was so warm and sunny. We woke them up early and we all went to the beach to walk. I wore the top of my bathing suit to walk hoping for a bit of colour in my upper body and face. Something to enhance my white shirts to work ;)

I am a bit sunburnt and I love it. We left the village at 8 in the evening, adoring the first day of daylight savings. Longer light. Spring.

I woke up this morning with a red face and a warm heart. We both have the day off. We have a ton of things to do that we did not have the time to do:

I have to cancel my internet connection. I should have done this since December. I was given a yearly free connection as a gift when I bought the laptop, and had not had the time to go and cancel the one I alrady had. So I pay 18 euros a month for nothing!

We have to go grocerry shopping

We have to go to the police station and get the paper for when they broke our car and stole our car stereo, 3 months ago, take it to the insurance company, get our money.

We have to go to the garden centre and buy colourful plants and flowers

I have to plant the tomato seeds, and the irish wildflower seeds I bought

All this time I am writting this post I have been waiting for photos to upload to blogger. No luck. I have also tried to use flickr. No luck either.

I will try again after the chores. I have taken so many pictures for you!

Right...gotta go wake up this sleepyhead man of mine and get started!!!!

I feel good!

Posted by Argy at 9:07 am | 0 comments

Content
This is me today. Content. Relaxed. A bit sunburnt in the face too :)

We had a fantastic time! The weather was cloudy all friday and saturday, but brilliantly sunny on Sunday. What did we do?

Angelos and Sofia sleeped in each morning, while Vangelis and I woke up at between 7.30 and 8, had a fast coffee, took Kika, the dog-ess, drove for 15 minutes in quite roads with olive tree fields in both sides, me drinking in the beauty of the millions of wildflowers popping under the olive trees - this village is near Kalamata, where Sofia got me the olive oil, so its full of olive tree fields - got to the Spianza, one of the longest beach in greece, which extends for 40 kilometers, walked for 40 minutes, then another 40 minutes back, then went to the bakery, got them breakfast, and then home to wake them up. We spent a good few hours sitting in the garden, sipping coffee, teasing each other, laughing our heats out, and then went out for lunch.

Some liquid was always over-consumed. One day it was beer, the other day it was ouzo, the last it was wine. Then back home, and all of them would go for a nap, besides me. I would either take my book, wear a jacket, and got out in the garden to read my book, sipping on some iced coffee, hearing nothing but the sound of the icecubes dancing in the glass each time I brought it to my lips, and the birds singing. This quietness did miracles to my head and soul. At the end of the second day, I finally begun to hear my thoughts.

Then the rest would wake up, and we would all go for a walk, either back to that beach, or around the olive tree fields, and would walk for around 5 km to a near by village, and would go for a coffee, or a drink. Then we would walk back, take showers, get dressed and would go out to dinner. Where more liquids would be consumed...along with gorgeous simple food, in sufficient quantities too ;)

But do you know that in this village they still take the potato, peel it, cut it, and then fry it? In olive oil? This is how chips were made and still are there. No frozen chips you throw in vegetable oil to fry. Real potatoes in really good olive oil. When you come across this once every few years, do you think you can show ANY power? Actually, do you think you WANT to show ANY power? Not me darling. For starters we had slices of homemade bread, fresh tomatoes from the ladies garden, which she put in the blender, and she would bring you the fresh bread slightly toasted, a bowl of olive oil with garlic cloves in it, the fresh tomato "paste", and a small plate with fresh oregano leaves, and you would take pieces of bread, put a spoonful of this garlic olive oil on it, then some tomato, then the oregano, and then, of course, would moan from freshness, aromas, and health!

Then we would go back home, would built a huge fire, and would play scrabble, or start the long conversations about life, diet, dreams, children, work, money, football, makeup brands, new styles in clothes, the world hunger, organic produce, poisons in the air we breath, strechmarks, newest car models, you name it. And at some point, after a good laugh that would leave us all breathless, or a serious point that would leave us all frowing and speechless for minutes, we would look at each other, and would thank god for our luck to be a "family" of four for all the years we have had as couples.

I have told you the story, havent I?

Sophia and I met when we were 11. We were the first two families to buy apartments in the new appartment building. I met Vangelis when I was 13 or 14 in Lagonissi, where we have a summer house. I became best friends with both instantly. Sophia met Vangelis when they were around 17-18. Sophia were classmates with Angelos since the end of primary school. They were good friends. I met Angelos when I was around 18. Then, Sophia and Vangelis, in their early 20's started dating. So did we. They got married 2 years before us. We always spend christmas and easter together.We are in each others'house at least 3 times a week. We have gone through every rough and smooth spot together. She packed my underwear when we moved last May. I chose the plants for her garden without her being with me.

Yesterday was so warm and sunny. We woke them up early and we all went to the beach to walk. I wore the top of my bathing suit to walk hoping for a bit of colour in my upper body and face. Something to enhance my white shirts to work ;)

I am a bit sunburnt and I love it. We left the village at 8 in the evening, adoring the first day of daylight savings. Longer light. Spring.

I woke up this morning with a red face and a warm heart. We both have the day off. We have a ton of things to do that we did not have the time to do:

I have to cancel my internet connection. I should have done this since December. I was given a yearly free connection as a gift when I bought the laptop, and had not had the time to go and cancel the one I alrady had. So I pay 18 euros a month for nothing!

We have to go grocerry shopping

We have to go to the police station and get the paper for when they broke our car and stole our car stereo, 3 months ago, take it to the insurance company, get our money.

We have to go to the garden centre and buy colourful plants and flowers

I have to plant the tomato seeds, and the irish wildflower seeds I bought

All this time I am writting this post I have been waiting for photos to upload to blogger. No luck. I have also tried to use flickr. No luck either.

I will try again after the chores. I have taken so many pictures for you!

Right...gotta go wake up this sleepyhead man of mine and get started!!!!

I feel good!

Posted by Argy at 9:07 am | 7 comments

Thursday, March 23, 2006
this and that
You know who found out that has gained weight? Nooooo...not me! I weighed in on Tuesday and was so pleased to see 88.5. That was a tiny .2 loss from the last weigh in, which means my good eating in Belfast and the long miles I walked each and every day were not destroyed by the chocolate feast of last weekend. I wont go into the "shit, that means if I had not eaten the chocolate I would have lost another kilo" territory. For me it is brilliant I had my cake and ate it too ;)

But my gym bunny of a husband found out he has gained 3 kilos in the last 2 months. Has he changed his eating habbits? Nope! Has he stopped his daily visits in the gym? Nope! Has he been running less km in the treadmill or has he been using less weights in his strength trainning? Nope!

What has happened is really an eye opener.

Angelos is a driving instructor, with a specialty in motor cycle driving. You know how the first lessons are done? In a designateted area, with him running around the newbies, practically running next to them while they slowly ride.

For the last 2 months he changed his focus and now he is giving car driving lessons. More people need a car driver's licence than a motor cycle one, which means that business is perking up for him.

So instead of chasing motor cyclers to be, he sits on his (gorgeous) arse all day in a car. And this added 3 kilos in his body!

It is interesting, isnt it? And good too, cos I like a bit more of him anyway ;)

...................................................

So I had the long talk on Monday. Things are a tad better. She understood, apologised, and gave me a few days off. She actually offered them to me. We are leaving tomorrow morning for a a little village in the Peloponese. We will be back on Monday. I just did not feel like Amsterdam or any other place. I just did not want to see anything new. I just want to be close to nature, near the sea, with my husband and Vangelis and Sofia, sleep in in the mornings, take long naps in the afternoons, soak in the sunshine during the day, and play scrabble (females vs males) every night. I do not really feel like anything else at the moment!

..................................................

I did some shopping in Belfast. On Saturday morning I put my alarm on early, and by 9 am I was in the shops. I had to be in the airport at noon, I had my stuff packed, and a couple of hours to spare.

I just went to one shop. Not top quality, but nice clothes. Sort of Zara quality, if you know what I mean. Primark.Really cheap stuff. I bought many things for me and Angelos and spend only 120 pounds for:

Angelos stuff: a swiming suit (yes...he laughed his heart our when I got him a swiming suit from Belfast...lol), 3 tshirs, 2 shirts, 2 belts, some socks, a jeans jacket

My stuff: a skirt, 2 shirts, a white cotton trenchcoat, a pair of jeans, a pair of cargo pants, 2 work pants, a work jacket, a dress, and a pair of pj's!

The thing that does not stop to amaze me is that I did not try anything on. I did not have than much time.So I just got my 16's, in cuts and styles that I know are good for me, and did not try them but on Sunday morning, when I unpacked my bags. Some of the 16's (shirts and skirt and jackets) were roomier than i'd want them, and the pants are some ok, some a bit tight, one a bit roomy.

.............................................................

Food this week has been brilliant. I am having a big bowl of organic muesli (3 different kinds of oats, bran flakes, raisins, almonds and walnuts) made by Angelos with 0% milk, I am having some sushi at work (6 small salmon maki rols, 2 small avocado maki rolls) and a well balanced meal for dinner. I get back home every day and cook with pleasure. I had missed this.

...........................................................

If you have not noticed it yet, it is Spring. Celebrate the rebirth by being extra nice to yourself, you hear me? ;)

Posted by Argy at 8:57 am | 9 comments

Monday, March 20, 2006
What if....
I had never reached 130 kilos? What if I started now? What if I had spent the last british pounds I had in Heathrow airport buying all the different cadbury chocolates I had never seen in my life - just like I did - brought them home, ate them all durig the weekend, woke up this very Monday sick with myself, afraid to get on the scales, and decided its about time to lose some weight?

Would I then start with a fresh approach and a new zest?

We will see....

For your information, the cadburry I scoffed down like a maniac all weekend was:

Fruit 'n' nuts
Bubble
orange chips
mint chips
caramel
turkish delight
shortbread

Oh, and guiness infused milk chocolate truffles!

It is really very stupid of me. I ate so well in Belfast and walked an average of 13,000 steps a day, to come here and destroy it all in a breath.

I'm really nervous to go to the office today. I do not want to work there anymore and yet I know I will stay till june at least, to finish this project. I have worked very hard to put the foundation for it and I do not want someone else take the credit for it.

Yet, thinking about getting up and to the shower to get ready for work makes me want to eat more chocolate.

Angelos went shopping on saturday morning and bought all nice organic ingredients and made his own musli: 3 kinds of oats, wholewheat flakes, almonds, raisins, walnuts. I woke up this morning and he had left me a bowl of this by the bed with the note "just add milk".

Im going to have this for breakfast. If I stick to a diet for more than week, perhaps I will have one area of my life under control and then get some internal satisfaction.

This is what I miss the most lately.Some internal satisfaction!

Posted by Argy at 9:22 am | 7 comments

Friday, March 17, 2006
How has it been so far love?


I simply adore it when everyone here calls me love. I get on the taxi, and the driver asks me... where can I take you love? I go to macey's to buy nurofen, and the woman in the cashier asks me ... do you have a headache love?

Im just back from the end of the conference, and I have an hour till I have to meet the rest. They are taking tus o the belfast castle for a traditional irish dinner, with pipers and irish dancing and st patrick's celebrations. Im looking forward to it. I was wrong not wanting to go to Belfast. I had quite an experience and I really found the people of northern ireland absolutely adorable. Sweet, with a delectable singing accent, a sharp sense of humour, and a sense of regeneration in everything. But they don't know how to cook!!!

On my way here I faced a crisis. I got a phonecall from the boss when I was waiting for my connect flight in hethrow. 26 minutes of her yelling and me listening. And as soon as I got in the hotel and turned on my cell phone, there were 3 voicemails where she was yelling again.

Between Hethrow and Belfast, I decided to quit. When I heard her voice mails, my decision got final. I spoke with Angelos, and spent the night sleepless trying to work on a budget to see how we will be able to make ends meet without me working. I wrote an email to her with my two weeks notice. I got a long phonecall from her again the next morning. All sweet and apologetic. And an een longer email. Of the same flavour.

So I will meet with her on Monday and will discuss things.

I have to pack my things now, cos Im flying home tomorrow and I hope to wake up early in the morning, leave the hotel, wander around for a couple of hrs, then return, get my luggage, and go to the airport. I have to be there at noon.

I leave you with a nice view of Belfast's gorgeous city Hall, and the only picture of me in Belfast, where I teach the delegates how to dance "syrtaki" on the greek night they organised to honour our organisation as their partner for next year's conference.

Posted by Argy at 7:46 pm | 6 comments

Saturday, March 11, 2006
Change of plans
I got a shock last night.

My boss is supposed to go to Belfast next Tuesday evening, to an international conference, of a cultural network. She will do a presentation in front of 300 delegates, she will host a round table for half of them. She will be the delegate of honour, since our organisation won the bid and we are hosting the 2007 conference in Athens. There is a Greek night planned to honour her. She will be back next Sunday.

She had a very serious appointment scheduled on Tuesday morning. Very serious one. They resceduled her appointment for Friday morning. The flight to Athens that leaves on thursday arrives at 4am on Friday.

She called me last night when she got the news about her appointment and told me I have to go in her place. I gave her other options. She insisted on me.

I am panicked. I dont want to go. How on earth am I supposed to do her presentation or her round table????? Where am I going to boil my apples and steam my brocolli? And I think there is no way she will give me the two days off I want to go to Amsterdam on the 23rd, since I'll be away from work all next week?

**********************

I weighed in this morning. 88.7. Nice 1.8 kilo of sea food and ouzo has gone down the toilette ;)

***********************

My nephew gets 3 years old tomorrow. Baby birthday party at 10.30 in the morning. Then back home, to post the already taken bathroom pics here and the traditional lunch of last monday pics there. Stay tuned!

**********************

I so dont want to go to Belfast!!!! Anyone cares to join me????

Posted by Argy at 12:49 pm | 6 comments

Friday, March 10, 2006
In all honesty...
I do not mean to blow my own horn here. So don't think so. I am just going to say what has been happening to me since Tuesday. So restrain from thinking I'm playing Ms KnowsItAll, cos to be at this point of knowing what I know, I have really worked hard, I have really shed an ocean of tears, I have really fought with myself almost every week trying to persuade myself to go past all the excuses and go to yet another therapy session. And this happens every week for the past 4 years and a half. Every week, when 7 in the evening arrives, and its the therapy evening, I begin to make excuses.I begin to think I have more work to do and cant leave the office in half an hour. I begin to think I would rathergo home an hour earlier and how much more beneficial this would be for me. Yet, I gather myself and go. And I am proud for it. And more than proud, I am thankful.

What I have learned with therapy is to observe myself. When I have an erge to binge, I observe myself. Like I am watching another person. When I get insane and throw a hissy fit to my husband, I observe myself at the same point. And this makes me stop before it is too late. This makes me "enjoy" the binge because I acknowledge it for what it is and it stops in one meal, so theh guilt is spared.It makes me stop at the point where my voice begins to dangerously rise and laugh and apologise to Angelos and explain to him that this was not targeted directly to him and tell him immediately why I reacted the way I did and this sends me right back in his arm and we stay like this in the sofa for hours.

But the most amazing thing is that I can do the same thing for the third time and I might think I know it by now, I might think I have understood the mechanism, I might think that I know the complications, and yet, I get myself again in unknown territory.

This is how this "should-be-familiar-by-now" detox is going. All new. All discovering.

The first time I did it, I had absolutely no food at home but the allowed stuff. For the first week, I asked Angelos to go to his mum, or my mum for dinner. I could not even see food or smell food. I was afraid that I would inhale the first loaf of bread Id see in front of me, and I am not even a bread eater.

After the first week, I begun cooking his dinner for him. Stuff he likes and I do not. Bean soup. Fish soup. A lot of fish. This happened for the first 3-4 days.

Then one day he came home and he moaned from the smells. I had begun to cook normal again. Just for him. As i went further and further from wanting to eat something else besides the rice and veggies, I begun to get back in touch with my love for cooking. Oh how I played then. I cooked new dishes, I found new exciting combination of herbs and spices, I went past the depression of first week, and played with food without the danger of eating it.

Then the second time I did the detox, I was indifferent. I would grill him a steak, would make a salad, would fry him some potatoes, and that was it. I even went to dinner out once, and ordered grilled veggies for first, grilled veggies for main. You should have seen the waitress' face...heheh

This time is all new again.

Tuesday, after the shock of the weigh in first thing in the morning, and the rationalisation about it that followed (oh 90.5 is not your real weight babe, you ate half the ocean's seafood yesterday and drank almost an entire bottle of ouzo too), I boiled my apple and I could not eat it. I thought it tasted awful. So I boiled another. Same. But I ate it.

I made my rice with brocolli and carrots, and when the time to eat it for lunch came, I despised it. I really felt like thowing up at some point. I felt the brocolli (one of my fav veggies ever) smell penetrating my whole being and it felt disgusting. But I ate it. Same with dinner. The baked veggies felt dry, like paper. The yoghurt tasted tangy. Last year the baked veggies and yoghurt were the highlight of my day!

In the meantime, all day I was thinking about food. I could smell eggs and bacon. I rarely eat eggs and bacon. Perhaps a couple of times a year, in the summer, when on holidays and having breakfast out. I was asking my team if anyone had spag bol for lunch cos I could so smell it.

Then on Wesdnesday, another awful day with lotsa stress at work, I was walking to get a taxi at 10 in the evening, thinking that Id be home around 10.45, thinking the veggies would need at least an hr to be ready (doctor's orders have me cook the food in very low temp), and thinking how I "need" a tasty dinner to cheer me up from the fucking day I had. So in the taxi,I was going mentally through all the take away catalogues we have at home, ordering things in my brain, and then, I got home, while still "ordering" food, and I went in the kitchen straigh away, with a suit and high heels, and chopped zuccinis and onions and grilled them. Still, thinking of eating pitta bread with gyros.

The highlight, however, was yesterday. All day, while working, I had a window open and read through food and cooking blogs all day. I was talking on the phone while literally drooling over luscious pictures of sweets and pies, of savory dishes with cheese, and I am not too fond of cheese either!

Then I came home, at 10 again, and cooked rice with tomato sauce, porcini mushrooms, and tuna. For me. For dinner. And as soon as it was ready, I threw it in the garbagge, I boiled myself 3 apples and had them with yoghurt.

It all is very weird. Very different like the previous two times. My therapist says I am on denial lately. On denial about my basic needs, and on denial about certain issues concerning my sexuality. I do not need him to say it. I feel and know it too! And this is reflected on the detox too. I go on all day thinking about food, thinking about cooking, making up new recipes in my head. I walk to the bus or the metro or the taxi station and try to decide what to eat. I am determined that I need to eat something to sustain me. I am ready to take a break and eat grilled meat and start the detox again the next day. I am in denial about both things actually. My need to soothe myself with food, and my need to tend to my basic needs. My basic need right now is to feel healthy. Strong. Sexy. Gorgeous. Accomplished. I have weird thoughts like... if someone, a doctor lets say, told me tomorrow I have a terminal disease and have only 3months to live, how would I feel? I tell you, I think crazy stuff. But the first thing I replied to myself was ... shit...3more months to live, I am going to die fat, I will leave this life without ever feeling that I finally did it, I finally reached my goal.

This is how this detox has been so far dear Mar!a. It plays with my head like no other time. But it is really a trip in itself. It really gets me down. It really tears all the nice wrapping, it really takes the ribbons and bows away and shows you the real package. It bears your soul in front of your very eyes. Even when on diet, the food is yummy. The choises are here. I use my herbs and spices. I make my low fat pizza. I subsitute sour cream with Fage 0% and it works. Its like eating rich. While eating lean. But the tricks and treats are there.

Now is only apples, rice, veggies. And feelings. Sadness. Emptiness. All this I am still occasionally trying to fill up with food. Childhood fears that my mom will die. Childhood guilts of me not being good enough. Hidden passion and supressed sexuality. They have all come to visit in just 3 days.

But this morning, my boiled apples tasted sweet. I could feel them going down my thoat with a warm caress. I could feel my body loving them.

No fat suit is worn because someone simply loves food. Every fat suit has a reason. In the heart. In the soul. And no fat suit will be gone for good, unless the heart and the soul heals. Unless the heart and the soul stop being in denial. Unless the heart and the soul realise that no matter how difficult and painful the process, living in denial and not dealing with the core is a lot more hurtful and damaging in the long run.

I am writting this and its 10 am. I should be in the office right now. What the heck. I felt like writting this this morning. And now, all I can think of is still douple peperroni pizza, with extra onions and cheese crust!!! Yet, I am going to eat the bloody rice for lunch. And yes, brocolli still smells like a soccer player's socks. And he has not changed them in three days!!!!

Posted by Argy at 9:04 am | 3 comments

Saturday, March 04, 2006
I still owe you..
the bathroom photos. I promise to do them during the long weekend. Monday is a holiday and I have three days to myself. Bliss!

I woke up at 11.00

I have slept for 12 hours straight! My head feels clear! I have missed this so much!

Angelos will be back home from work in about an hour and we will go shopping for food (I host the big traditional lunch on Monday), and perhaps a few tshirts me thinks. Some shops still have clearance and I think perhaps I ought to go and have a look at the bargains ;) And I am aslo going to be extra sweet to A. and do all the things and rounds he wants, so that at the end of the shopping I will sweetly ask him to take me to the garden centre. I feel like planting lately! I feel Spring in the air.

Which is magnificent and scary. It has always been like this you know. March enters and the same feeling climbs at my head and occupies it for the first few days and then forms itself to a very specific thought that stresses me and makes me feel I wasted a good 4 - 5 months: In less than 4 months I will have to wear a bathing suit and hit the beach!

You know, weight has never kept me away from the beach. I am Greek. I am an aquarian. I need to be in the sea. My body needs it, my mind needs it, my soul needs it.

And for some funny reason, it is always horrible at the first few visits. But after the first horror, and after getting a bit tanned, I seem to forget all about my weight. After the first few swims, I almost feel like a normal person, no matter of the size of my fat suit.

So come March, since I remember myself, I begin to count the months to the first swim, count the excess of kilos, start doing the math. Divisions after divisions. So many kilos devided by so many months, oh I need to loose X kilos per month. So many kilos per month devided by 4 weeks a month, I need to lose Y kilos per week.

Then I do subtractions. If I have to lose X kilos per month, and I have a bad week and gain Z kilos, then my loss for that month will be X-Z. And I wont bore you more with my arithmetic skills, cos you get the point ;)

So much energy spent on just panicking and counting!!!

I want this to be the last March that I will be like this. I do not just want it. I have decided it. I am going on the detox on Tuesday. I know that some of you remember the hard detox I did last year before Amsterdam. Its the same thing. Extreme. But this detox has another task besides cleaning my insides. A more important one. It plays with the head. It brings up issues. It makes you see.

Unlike any other detox, this is scheduled for me by both my holistic med and my therapist. I found this out last night. See, my holistic med and my therapist are friends. Its funny really. I first met the holistic med. Who had his practice in a different part of Athens to my therapist. Then, I met my therapist. At some point after the first year, my therapist commented to me that I seem a lot stronger physically. I told him I saw my hol med again and he gave me a treatment. He asked me who he is. He said...but he is my friend and we work together sometimes!!!

So when the holistic designed this detox for me, he spoke with my therapist. And he gave him some hints. This is a cumulative torment for me ;)

Most of the detox you will find around gives you choise. There are NO foods, and there are YES foods. One can decide what's for dinner. One can decide what legumes to have for lunch. One can decide the fruit they fancy for breakie.

Not me. Not in this detox.

Last night, at the end of the session I told my therapist I am thinking of starting detox on Tuesday. I told him I have plans of indulgense for the long weekend. Chocolate sorbet. A gallon. Lamp chops. A kilo. And then Tuesday comes the cleanse.

He told me about him and yannis (the med) designing the detox together. He told me why. I got a bit angry at first for never have been told. Brat. lol. Then I got the concept. And felt thankful they care so much to spend the time together working for me! Princess. lol.

I can have as huge quantities as I want for lunch and dinner. Of the same food. With no spices. No salt. For 21 days. Have you any idea how boring this is?

The concept is simple. And now I am aware of it, I will go along and work with it.

For a palate hedonist and emotional eater like me, if you take away the plesure of taste, this is what happens: All issues that are covered with this pleasure, all the things I exchange or hide or deny or cover or trade with food, all of them arise.

The detox is designed to slow my internal process. Slow my digestion. Slow slow slow. Bring me down. Bring the core out. My experience so far with this detox (I have done it both in 2004 and 2005) is this:

First few days I am ravenous and eat huge quantities of rice and veggies for lunch and huge quantities of baked veggies and yoghurt for dinner. After a few days, I do not want to eat much. I am tired of the taste, I begin to dislike the food. Food becomes fuel and then a depression starts to appear. If only I knew the scheme....

The repetition of the same food has exactly this task. To help all the feelings subsided by the pleasure of a tasty meal resurface. Example:

Get back at 10 from a very stressful day at work. In the meantime, due to said stress and overworked weeks, there is a distance built from my basic needs. Like making love for instance. Instead of sitting down and think of this, recognising the need, I cook a delish dinner, eat it and moan, and get to bed for a very needed 6 hrs of sleep. So on and so forth.

Now I won't have this.And I will have to deal with the gaps. The holes. The missing things. Now I am aware I am going to take it one step deeper.

My boss is leaving on Monday. For business purposes. She will be traveling around Europe till March 19. Of course I have brought a lot of work to do at home. I have a plan. Noone knows about this. Not even my husband. I have done something. I booked tickets to Amsterdam yesterday. March 16 out, March 19 back. Without the boss around, a lot more work will be done. In a lot calmer way too. The tickets must be purchased on March 13. If by then the work is at the place I want it to be, then i will contact my boss and announce to her how far ahead in the project I've been, and announce her that I will take Thursday and Friday off. I will let her know how much I need the 4 days off, to be able to work refreshed and with recharged batteries after she is back. I have even contacted my husband's boss (with whom we have become friends all these years A works there) and told him to not schedule exams for A's driving students on these two days, 16 and 17 of march. I told him to keep this a secret. he agreed!

So now I am going to go shopping! Cos he, the man of this house, is back!

Posted by Argy at 11:47 am | 10 comments

Thursday, March 02, 2006
this and that
Nothing exciting really.

Work has been amazingly busy, as you already know. Just got my period with severe cramps and imense moodiness.

I have been eating clean since Monday. Fish has come to visit again. It has been fish and veggies most of this week. My body appreciates it so my tastebuds have been patient. I really wish I liked fish. It would be so easy with a brother and father in the fish business. But I always try to eat it. I always try to make something nice on the side, and always end up eating the side dish more than the main. Like the day before yesteday that I cooked this beauty. And ate most of it instead of eating my nice fish. Smart ;)

I had a very good day on Saturday though. Which has helped me maintain some s(v)anity all week. My shopping escapade went so well. I spent a bit more than I initially have decided. My first decision was to not spend a euro more than my gift vouvher. But I ended up spending a bit too. I so deserved it my friends! I got me the whole line ... hehhe

I got my first eye anti-wrinkle cream! My first night anti-wrinkle cream! And a morning one too. I got a face mask, a face scrub, a face soap.

Also...hehe...I got a bitter almond bubble bath. A nutmeg body water. A cedar showergel. A sandal wood massage cream. Is it obvious now that I love woods and spices on my body?

I think I will do a fun tour in my bathroom for you on saturday. I finally tackled this room during the weekend and now it is "mine"! I mean, it was just a bathroom till then, with nothing personal in it, besides a toothbrush. Now I put little decorating things, arranged all my little treasures in nice boxes, and that leaves me with JUST our bedroom and spare room to decorate.

Bedroom will be a March project me thinks :)

Then this house will be finely over!!!

I'm incoherent again. And tired. And I do not want to go to work today. I want to get a couple of pain killers to easy the cramps and sleep the morning away. But I wont :(

Posted by Argy at 8:26 am | 7 comments

About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Stats
Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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