I got a phonecall last night from an old client. We have not been working together for the last 16 months, mainly because she closed her production company as she undertook the position of the managing director in one of the most important cultural organisations in greece.

She and I had a strange friendship, a weird chemistry which continued although she and my business partner got into a very bad argument right after she undertook that position.

She asked me to meet her this morning because there was an emergency.

She offered me a managerial position in this organisation with a very attractive salary and bennefits package. The position itself is a dream of mine. It is the implementation of all programs manager position. A team of 15 people to lead, and all the programs are of course big cultural productions. The finances will make Angelos and I breath with relief.

But I will have to leave my company. I will have to leave my partner. And I will have to postpone for at least 6 months the baby making process.

Our company is struggling currently. We have agreed with my partner that we will give it another year and then decide if we have to shut it down. Of course, since this company existed before me, this means that my partner will keep her basic and steady customers, whom she had before I joined in, and I will have to look for a job. In the ripe age of almost 38.

Ethically I do not feel well. But this is a great big opportunity for me. This organisation is public, which means security.

I sincerelly do not know what I should do. What my mind says is totally different from what my heart dictates. I feel excited and honoured to have been offered this position, and yet guilty and totally freaked out about what accepting it might mean.

What if this is the year that our company will make the big difference?

What if 10 months from now I am left with no company, pregnant or with a new born, and no income?

As I get more and more used to not having the scales around, I notice how much better I eat and how much more I move. And because my period is due any day now, and the bloat is here with all its greatness, I have to tell you that my mood is a lot better! Because I did not receive an insane reading on the scales due to aforementioned bloat.

I have to admit that not being able to control the damage made by a sudden urge to eat two chocolate bars has made me to simply stay away from chocolate bars.

It does feel more normal. It gives me a whole new range of things to obsess about! Like why I want to loose the remaining 19 kilos. Can you believe that I have no real answer?! Besides the need to prove to myself I am really able to provide a healthier mind without the barrier and excuse of an unhealthy weight. But none that resembles the clearness of "I want to shop from normal shops".

My task for the next few days is to give myself new goals.

The food I made was indeed much appreciated. The compliments were really flowing. I did not tell anyone that I am planning to try this in a more professional way though. I do not know what stopped me.

It was a gorgeous party and we went to bed at 6am!

The good thing about cooking so much food is that I had absolutely no appettite for eating it. Besides a few pieces of veggies dipped I had nothing else but tons of iced water. I woke up on Sunday ravenous for breakfast and this is not like me.

Work is going to be crazy the next few days, so unless I have some revellation or epiphany, I will not be back before Wednesday or so.

Have a great week!

Which is greek for good morning.

I have been up since 7 am! I was awaken by the delicious smell of tomato confit. Really, when I opened my eyes, I had this image you see in cartoons when the apple pie is left on the windowsill to cool and the smell travels in the form of smoke and enters someone's nostrills! I panicked then a little, grabbed my cell which serves as an alarm and saw the time, then relaxed and got up slowly to go check the confit. It was almost ready then, but still had another hour in the oven at least. Now, at almost 9.30, it is cooling.

Tomato confit is deliscious. Nothing brings out the flavour of tomatoes more, not even sundrying them. It just takes eons to make. You take plump tomatoes, cut them in halves, place them on your oven tray, packed really, touching each other, and you hide garlic cloves inbetween, strings of fresh oregano and basil, lotsa lotsa salt on top, and lotsa lotsa extra virgin olive oil. Then you preheat your oven in 90 C, put them in, and forget them for 8 to 9 hours. Then you wake up drooling. I made 3 big oven trays and used the air function of my oven so they all cookd together. I have used a bit more than 5 kilos of tomatoes and all I have now is 2 big-ish salad bowls of tomato confit. You think it will be enough for 100 people?

I am really nervous about tonight. And although this is not a cooking blog, I am going to to write everything down because I am seriously considering to change my career to something that revolves around cooking, and this is the first time I am not cooking just for fun and personal pleasure. I mean it still is fun, but I have cooked the most for 2 dozen people, in big christmas family/friends dinners. 100 people tonight!

My friends have ordered some stuff from a caterer. Like mini burgers, mini kebabs, mini skewers with chicken and veggies and lamb and veggies. Also different kinds of mini rolls with mince, chicken, sausage, cheeses, spinach, zuccinis and feta. They also have ordered - oops...I sunno how this is called on english - you know these little "towers" of sandwiches layered one after the other with ham and blue cheese spread, and tuna spread, and ham and cheese. These are typical things you will find in parties in Greece as finger food. And then they asked me to make a few things that will make the food in their party memorable. Panic panic panic!

There will be no plates and forks, just trays everywhere where you will serve yourself. And napkins! So this is what I am making them:

The tomato confit, which will be placed in dip bowls and then in the middle of a tray with different kinds of crisps and toasted breads to dip in

Right now I am roasting eggplant slices, which then I will fill with pine nuts roasted in herb butter, garlic, parmezan, and beef mince, and then i will sew them up with parsley and roast for a bit.

Then I will cut huge amounts of veggies in sticks for the dips I am making:

smoked eggplant dip: smoked roasted eggplant, roasted sweet red peppers, garlic, lemon juice, parsley, olive oil

blue cheese dip: blue cheese, cream cheese, yoghurt, green tabasco, chives

curry dip: cream cheese, yoghurt, curry, cumin, mustard seeds,honey, mayo

quacamole: avocado, onions, tomato, lemon juice, olive oil

sweet cheese dip: goat cheese, honey, fresh thyme, fresh grounded green pepper

Then I am making some thingies with fylo pastry, bout the size of a gifted man's middle finger ;). The fylo will be filled with different things, will be brushed with either butter or egg (depending on the filling) and will be spinkled with sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, or anice seeds, depending on the filling again.

Fillings will be:

feta, fresh basil, sun dried tomatoes, capers, bit of yoghurt, bit of egg, all in the blender so they make a smooth and thick paste

beef mince, feta, shallots, onions, dill all sauted first

chicken chunks, pecorino cheese, folded in extra thick bechamel

wild mushrooms, garlic, wine, folded in extra thick bechamel

grilled salmon, lemon zest, pistacchios, mustard, very little honey, all crumbled

red, green, yellow, orange, chilli, jalapeno peppers roasted first in a little olive oil, and then mixed with toasted walnuts, pine nuts, and almonds

Right, the oven is beeping, the eggplants are roasted, it is about time to get those peppers roasted too!!!!

Oh boy...I am really loving and dreading this at the same time!!!!!

I think that the rest of the inbetweens are totally unrelated to the basic theme of this place, so breathe, I will spare you ;)

What is really very relevant though is how my first week without the scales went.

I really missed them seriously yesterday. Yesterday was one of those days that you think you lost weight while sleeping. The same jeans you wore yesterday feel looser. The stomach is nowhere to be seen when you sit, its boobs, then crotch, then thighs. Your mom who has not seen you since Sunday exclaims...look at your thighs, they have shrunk in four days!!! (my thighs??!!! SHRUNK???!!!!!). And then you go home. And you desperately want verification for all these you have felt and heard all day. And the scales are hidden! In your mom's basement too!!!

But then, two days ago, you woke up pretty sure you will get your period a week early, in the next 6 minutes actually! There is no other reason to explain the stomach protruding beyond your boobs, even when you stand up. No salty dinner the night before, 6 lt of water consumed, good veggies, lotsa parsley, grilled salmon, beautiful apples. And when you go to the bathroom you are so happy to NOT have the scales around at that moment because you know you would see about 3 kilos more than yesterday without deserving them too!

And then there is the normality.

You wake up in the morning, make your coffee, make your breakfast, and eat it! You do not sit sipping your coffee staring at it but not touching it as if it has a sigh "DO NOT TOUCH" glued on it. You do not smoke ciggie after ciggie in an attempt to accelarate the natural function of your bowels in order to finally weigh in. I am making scrumptious breakfasts every morning and love them, enjoy them, and eat them right away too!!!

*************************

I am a bit nervous about tomorrow. Sofia and Vangelis have their housewarming / 10 year anniversary party. I asked them if they have seen something they want for the house so I could get it as a present to them. They replied they really have thought about that and have a present they want me to get them. They said this evening has to be special therefore they want me to cook for the party. I asked what kind of food they have in mind. They said fingerfood mainly. I asked how many people will be there. About a hundred, they replied. I laughed saying that this was quite a joke. They said it was not. They are getting most of the stuff from a caterer, but want me to make a few extra special things for them. 100 people. I am not a bit nervous actually. I am utterly panicking right now!

Oh...and I owe you the beetroot salad from yesterday too!

You will need beetroots cut in medium pieces, a little olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, garlic, thick plain ff yoghurt, and walnuts. The quantities really depend on the amount of beetroots, and to give you an idea, the beetroots should be well "hidden" in the yoghurt, so its more yoghurt than beets.

You put the beetroots and the walnuts in a bowl with olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and the garlic crashed, let them stay for at least 2 hrs so they absorb the flavours, and then just mix them with the yoghurt. It is very healthy, very scrumptious, and has an amazing colour too! Be generous with the vinegar and use normal one, not balsamic. The beetroots are sweet already.

100 people!!!!!!!!!!

This is where I am right now:

Inbetween ditching the healthy lifestyle (I really hate this term by the way, but cant think of another one) and going back to the safety eating whatever I feel like gives me as an outlet to any emotional struggle.

Inbetween hiding the pedometer and the sneakers and going back to nice dresses and high heels for work

Inbetween starting sharing my friends' joints again in an attempt to stop feeling socially secluded and biting the bullet and go out and make new friends

Inbetween the safety of my job and company (if anyone can really call P.R. in the show biz a safe business) and risking doing something completely different but totally lovable for me

Inbetween the burning desire to have a child and the unreasonable fear of not being able to either have it or bring it up well.

Let me tell you. Inbetween stages are not fun. Who really wants to make decisions that involve a great deal of sacrifices. But when they pile up into all aspects of your life, they really genuinely give this lost and hopeless feeling I have been feeling the last month.

I was really in another inbetween stage too! I was inbetween dealing with all these inbetweens and just let them be and get depressed. And I have chosen the latter for a month now. But not anymore! I begun writing a post yesterday which I decided against posting. I saved it as a draft and this is what it said:



I don't know exactly what moved me from this last inbetween stage. Most probably a combination of things. A very intense and rough therapy session, followed by a very fun couple of hours in the house of my hairdresser who greeded me with amazing compliments, followed by a very nice trim in my hair and a much needed deforestation (amazing word I learned from Shauna) of my eyebrows, then a nice dinner of roasted chicken and yoghurt/beet salad (recipe at the end of this huge post ;), followed by a good night's sleep to be awaken from a very lustful husband who demanded his marrital right even if it was not yet my time to wake up.

But although each of these inbetween deserve a post of their own, I am slowly working my way through all of them together. Because all of them, though in different areas of my life are totally inextricable.

They all are tied with the same fear, the fear of change and what it will bring.

What will really happen when I wake up one day and weigh 69 kilos? What then? How things will be different? Well, I have been really very obsessed with this question for the better part of this year, and it shows in the way I have just maintained. It shows also in the way it has come back to haunt me with a vengence these past few weeks I am back into working harder to loose the rest of the weight. It was really very difficult for me to accept that nothing really will be different, besides the size of my trousers. I will still have to watch what I eat. I will still have to exercise. I will still wish to not have eaten the second piece of cake. I will still be self consious. I will still wonder if I should have worn the red shirt instead. I will still weigh in regularly. I will still find difficulties in finding the perfect pair of boots that fit perfectly. I will still have cellulite and whine about it. I am closer to 40 than 30 I am afraid, and the damage in my body is irreversable.

What will be different though will be the way I will value myself. Because this will be the only time that this struggle will reach its goal. And stay there. With its ups and downs. But stay. There will always be a secret smile in my heart. A smile full of satisfaction. A smile I will visit in times of self doubt. You know what? I think I have no right to deprive myself of that. I think it will be an act of disrespect to both my potential and life itself.

To be continued..... (cos I got to work too)

I walked a total of 12.838 steps yesterday, or 9.24 km, which I like better :). I ate my fish and I did not enjoy it last night. I got to come up with more recipes, because besides the way the salmon is cooked, I am now getting bored with the way I cook all other fish.

So I decided to give myself a nice dinner tonight :)

Lasagna!

I already made the mince and I am still drooling with the way it smelled this morning, and the way it tasted too (a cook got to check how the spices are in a food you know ;). I just had a small tsp to try and I quickly rushed away from the kitchen or I would have eaten the whole pot for breakfast!

Instead I had a whole grain rye rusk with a Tsp of cottage cheese and a tsp of the fig & date marmalade I made this weekend.

Have I told you I decided to count points for a while again? This is another step towards the "control - your - portions - honey" direction.

And because lasagna aint too point friendly, I did some alterations and I think I will have a very generous serving for just 6.5 points!!!

Here is the recipe:

4o0 gr raw turkey mince = 6 points
5 colourful peppers = 0 points
5 portobella mushrooms = 0 points
2 red onions = 0 points
8 tsp of olive oil = 8 points
240 gr of lasagna sheets = 12 points
2 cups of 0% fat milk = 2 points
2 Tsp of corn flour = 2 points
8 Tsp of grated parmezan = 8 points
a kilo of ripe tomatoes = 0 points
nutmeg, curry, sweet paprika, hot paprika, cumin, fresh basil, salt = 0 points

total points = 38
Serves 6 generously on 6.5 points each!

Cut all the vegies finely
Saute first the onions and the garlic in the olive oil, then add the mince, then the rest of the veggies
Put the tomatoes in the blender
As soon as the veggies/mince are sauted add the tomato juice
Add the spices and simmer till it really thickens

Spray your baking tin with cooking spray
Lay the lasagna
Add the mince
More lasagna
More mince
More lasagna
More mince

Take a pot. Put the milk in it, and let it come to a boil. Add the nutmeg, the 2 Tsp of corn flour and when it thickens add the grated parmezan. Pour that on top. Bake it in a 200 C oven for 25 minutes.

Enjoy!

I felt so strange this morning that there were no scales at home! My first reaction was "damn...why did I decide that!". But then, I felt a weird sense of liberation. And right now I am feeling a bit like the cat that ate the mouse. Satisfied. Content.

But I had to measure something today. So I took the measuring tape. Here are the numbers darlings.

Previous

Weight: 88.6 kg
Chest: 105 cm
Waist: 89 cm
Abdomen: 104 cm
Hips: 114 cm
Thigh: 68.5 cm
Calf: 44.5 cm
Arm: 38 cm

Current

Weight: 87.9 kg ( - 0.7 kg)
Chest: 103 cm (- 2 cm)
Waist: 88 cm (- 1 cm)
Abdomen: 103 cm ( - 1 cm)
Hips: 113 cm ( - 1cm)
Thigh: 67 cm ( - 1.5 cm)
Calf: 43 cm (- 1.5 cm)
Arm: 37 cm (- 1 cm)

Yesterday's steps with no intentional exercise were so few! 2.633! However, if this is the number of steps I take daily without any exercise, and since I was wearing the pedometer only during my walk to work and back, it means that I have been stealing a couple of thousands of daily steps from myself all last week. I will start wearing it all day long from monday, and will report the daily number here.

I do not know how I will feel on Monday about the absense of the scales. Or after a week. However I do know that I better get used to it. And I think it will be quite nice to see a big loss after a month instead of small losses each week.

I got to do my stuff here at work now. It has been raining constantly since yesterday. But I did walk to work and I did sing "Singing in the rain" by changing it to "Walking in the rain" for the whole 47 minutes! The sky seems to be clearing up a bit though, I hope my walk will be a bit drier on my way back! Tomorrow I have a girlfriends' baby's 1st bday to go to and on Sunday I got a christening to go to. But we plan to go to the beach on both days, even if it is for just a couple of hours!

Cheers :)

Well, it has been raining since I left for that appointment (on which I got the contract :) which makes me 50% happy cos it smells wonderful and also I would not have been able to walk anyways, and 50% unhappy cos its so cloudy and heavy and I am just not ready for real autumn yet!

After that appointment I went to a photo shoot and now I am back to my office.

I took the bus and the metro to all these meetings. I prefer the bus to the metro really, because I really unwind and think during the rides. Something about a tune playing in my head and watching the people in the streets make things look and feel like I am watching a moovie, the never ending documentary of life in Athens. But this somehow relaxes me and makes me think clear.

My last ride back to work lasted 50 minutes. Traffic was insane due to the first real rain.

I thought a lot during that ride. And I took some decisions. Tough ones. But they will have to be applied. Otherwise it will be another serving of the same story. The obsessive one. The one that makes every day feel like a struggle. The one that makes every day worth enjoying based on a number I see in the morning. The one that makes me a crunky person to go home to. Really, I am a lot more than these things. And I do not want to be them any longer.

There are things I have to accept. I will always adore food. The other night we were over my in laws. And I noticed a cooking magazine called Gourmet which gets out once a month and is inserted in the most popular Sunday paper. The September issue. Burgundy cover, with a gorgeous female hand (just the perfect white palm) squeezing a bunch of perfect red grapes, wearing rubby rings. Incredible photo. Lemme get my assistant scan it for you actually... (it really looks better in reality)

Anyway, I begun reading it and I had an "epiphany"! I knew exactly how all these old kinda sick blokes feel when they cannot have sex anymore and instead, they watch hard core porn all day long! I am like them with food you know. When I am dieting, I read so much about food, I surf endlessly in cooking sites, I read cooking blogs, I read my cookbooks before bed. Although it seems weird and torturous to most, to me it is not. It actually satisfies one of my two basic needs with food. Creation. Eating is the second. But creating it is the basic one. And if I can dream about actually making it then I am partially satisfied, I feel less deprived.

Anyway, I admitted that I love food. And before I start writting a couple of paragraphs about each think I have to admit to myself and you, I better make a list!

• I adore food
• I can make gorgeous food
• I can make even better food when I use fresh wonderful ingredients
• I am generally pleased with myself the way I look now
• Yet, I want to loose more weight
• I want to look drop dead gorgeous
• I want my husband's one hand to be suffice for my left buttock. And since he can't grow his hand I will have to shrink my buttocks, right?!
• I want to feel better in my body
• I want to have better health
• I want to meet physical challenges
• I want to run
• I want this to happen overnight
• There is no chance that this will happen overnight! Even if I was not against plastic surgery, and even if I had the cash, it would take at least 4 months for my body to get where it should be with all the liposuctions and tacks and all.
• I have to bite the bullet and do it on my own...with a little help from my friends :o)
• The scales usually affect me more than I have ever admitted to myself and you. Both ways. Up or down.
• The taping measure affects me less, but it affects me too.
• With the detox I was doing before I started blogging, and the lotsa kilos I shed in a small amount of time I got really very spoilt. I insist on seeing at least 300 gr off each day.
• This is unreal and unhealthy too.
• I should loose weight to live my life (better). Instead, I am living my life to loose weight better. And its cool when I do. But when I do not...
• There has not been a situation in my life that I have been dilligent and perfect through it entirely. This is who I am, perfectly human, no super powers here I am afraid. I have to admit that weight loss will be the same.
• This has not make me less of the woman I am in all situations in my life. I have to stop feeling I am less of the woman I am when I am not perfect on my weight loss efforts. Even worse than that actually. I have to stop feeling I am less of the woman I am when I am not perfect on my weight loss results despite my sincere efforts.
• I admit I have an addiction to the scales equally disasterous to my smoking addiction. (though the latter I have learned to control and have gone from almost 2 packs a day to 2 cigarettes and 3 small cigars a day)
• I admit I want to break free
• I admit this list is too long and I totally understand if you already have stopped reading.

I called Angelos as I was walking the little distance between the bus stop and the office. I asked him: "Can you do me a favour tonight?" He said "Does it involve detergents?" "No" I responded "Then I suppose I can" he said. "Can you take the scales and put them in my parents' basement?" I asked "DEAL!!!" he replied.

I never go to my parents' basement. I just don't feel good there for some reason. It has so much stuff I have to sort out from as back as my highschool years that every time I go there I really get depressed.

Really, I will weigh in when I go home tonight, and then I will again weigh in on October 15. It's a Saturday, I just checked.

Then this Saturday, September 17, I will take my measurements. And I will take them again on October 1st. Between these dates, I will not measure or weigh myself.

And to reward all of you who managed to read through the end of this long and ranting post, I will admit to you one more thing. When the scales are not hidden, I wake up, weigh in, then pee, then weigh in, then drink coffee and have a poo, then weigh in, then take my shower, then weigh in, then go to work, return home, then weigh in, then pee, then weigh in, then catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, tell myself I am sick, then weigh in, etc...etc...etc....

Actually I am a bit embarassed feeling and telling you all these. I think if I delete this post, what weigh in will show huh? After all a burdain seems to moving into the right direction to finally get OFF my poor shoulders!!!!

It is about time doing this for the real reasons, not just to weigh in!!!!

One thing that has not be happening ever since I got the pedometer and started to power - walk to work like a maniac is wearing pretty clothes to work. I wear my jeans, because they have the perfect little pocket inside the front left pocket exactly at the size of my pedometer so it stays perpendicular like the instructions say, a tshirt, and either my reebok's (sky blue and white) or my nike's (silver grey and red). Of course the above mean that I either wear sky blue, red, grey, and white t-shirts at work because I am a freak like that.

But no more nice skirts, high heels, strappy sandals, cute flip flops, business dresses, linen pants, fitted shirts. No more jewelry either. And not even mascara and the clear lipgloss that I call my daily make up.

I do not really mind - yet! These morning walks to work mean so much to me right now. Not just in terms of exercise and weight loss. There has always been a denial to walk till I started therapy. I would not walk the extra 150 meters to go to the bus stop and I would take a taxi. I would smoke cigarettes I had put out before because I would not go out and walk 500 meters to the shop to get more cigarettes till A. would come home and bring me more. Walking is so liberating for me. And I think this is why it works so well with my body too. When I walk fast and my breath is deep and steady, seriously, I feel like flying. I assume this must be the feeling running lovers have.

Today however is not walking day. I just got to work from my first appointment (9.30 am...YUCK!) with a prospect, and I have a bit of time till I have to go to a second (and hopefully closing) appointment with another prospect.

And today I had to look so super professional and gorgeous, that I really had to wear the business attire and the high heels. Mind you, a well cut suit, a nice shirt, and high heels is not my preferable business attire. It is just the one that I can wear at this weight. Years back my pro look used to be so much more different. And I so dream of being able to wear that stuff again! Designer's jeans, fashionable but really feminine sneakers (like Prada or the likes) fitted shirts inside the jeans, thin fancy belts, and a nice silk scarf. Ahhhhh...those were the times *sigh* I really feel so sad and sorry that I burnt all my thin pictures and negatives at some point of my heavy, fat, and intoxicated depression. This is the one and only thing I have really regretted in my life :(

Anyway, yesterday I finished the day in 12.672 steps. But today I will carry my pedometer in my purse and count just the steps I do on a regular day with no intensional walking for exercise.

I am really curious to see the number at the end of the day!

Right, I got to print my offer now and go see that prospect!

I often brag about my ability to cook with whatever is available and come up with magnificent meals. I used to be very shy about it, you know, hear the compliments, blush and say it was nothing really. Then I realised that admitting the compliments and acknowledging my talent in the kitchen would propably be more normal than pretending I do not have them. So now I have become the opposite. (see? I tell you its all or nothing! ;)

I did not do any shopping yesterday. It was too hot and humid for any kind of fall/winter piece of clothing to look appealing. Instead, I bought a new iron because our old one was acting up, and ordered some new herbs in small sizes to replenish the ones I have on my kitchen window.

The moment I entered home the pedometer said 11.698 steps. Pretty pleased with this! I am not actually wearing the pedometer all day long, just when I hit the road for long power walks, so I assume that there should be another 1000 random steps in my day. Do you wear your pedometer all day long, or just when you are doing "serious" walking?

Right...the dinner....

The main ingredient was the organic spinach I discovered in the freezer. Actually here are all the ingredients:

400 gr of organic baby spinach
3 pimientos (sweet red bell peppers)
1 green bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
a few mushroom of your prefferance
a bunch of parsley
a bit of dill
a handful of sun dried tomatoes (dry, not the ones in oil)
3 red onions
3 garlic cloves
6 tsp of extra virgin olive oil
200 gr of bulgur
4 Tsp of thick tomato paste
cumin, curry, sweet paprika, salt, fresh grounded black pepper

This makes at least 4 generous servings, so if you are into WW and count points, for a hearty meal you will only budget 4 points!!!

You put the oil in a pot, and saute the onions with the garlic. In the meantime you cut the peppers, the parsley and the mushrooms in small pieces and add them in when the onions are sauteed. You add the spinach, a little water, and let it simmer for a while. Then you add the bulgur, the tomato paste, the dill, the spices, and about 2-3 mins before this is done you add the sundried tomatoes. It should not have juices when you are done, it should absorb all liquids.

Then you take 6 organic eggs, 30 gr of grated parmezan, a handful of cherry tomatoes, 3-4 shallots, 2 zuccinis, a Tsp of olive oil. You beat the eggs with the shallots finely chopped and the parmezan, you put the oil in a non sticking pan and saute the thinly sliced zuccinis and the halved cherry toms. Then you add the egg mixture, cook for 5 mins till the fritatta thickens and then you put it in the oven under the grill for 5-7 minutes, or till it gets a nice golden brown colour.

You cut it in 4 pices and serve one for 4 points then add some spinach stew (tis a stew right? I never know if I am using this word correctly) and if you like it hot, like I do, you add on the stew a few drops of mild green tobasco. You need the sourness of the green one, cos I tried some reg tabasco too and it just made it hot, whereas the green brought out the tanginess of the sun dried tomatoes.

It has been ages since I was pleased so much with a meal and I had a few laughs because Angelos declared he is officially on diet since yesterday, since he wants to eat such "diet" food every night!!!

I walked home from work yesterday. It was the first time I did this. I have walked home from work before, and I have also walked to work from home, but yesterday I walked both ways! 12.889 steps! 9.28 km! And I am up to 7.263 steps so far, and I plan on some walking later too, so I hope I will go over the 10.000 steps today too.

My plan is to walk as close to 70.000 steps a week, and since weekends are filled with so many chores and leisure I want to walk more during weekdays.

I ate my fish last night again. I think M was right on her comment last week, fish definetely had something to do with last weeks loss. Tonight I am going to experiment with some spinach though. I discovered a box of organic frozen spinach in my freezer this morning when I was going to take out some more fish for tonight, and I thought that it has been ages since I had a totally veggie dish.

What I am doing as far as eating is concerned, is a bit of a combination. I eat fruit for breakfast, I eat fruits and veggies for lunch, and when I eat fish for dinner I eat as much fish and salad as I want (which is safe with fish because I never want too much) and 30 gr of feta. Dessert is always a bowl with 200 gr of frozen grapes. I counted them once, found a bowl that fills up with this exact quantity, and use the same bowl every evening. But if I am eating meat or legumes or pittas or rice, I count points on those days. I have given myself a 20 points/day allowance and this is what I am eating on my carnivore or carb eating days.

I hope this will go on working because seriously, I want it to work more than ever. I know myself too well, and I can feel that I need to be strict for as long as I can otherwise I will give up. I want to loose at least 10 kilos by christmas. I want to buy my new year's eve's dress in a bloody 14. European 14 too!

There are a lot of changes in our life right now. Changes that affect Angelos and me both practically and emotionally. So much has happened in the last two weeks that I have not mentioned and we both need to figure out ways to deal with them. These changes are probably the reason for me being crancy and moody all the time. These changes are probably the reason for my constant desire to binge. It is difficult for me to feel good and proud right now for eating fish and yucky pizza, because, honestly, I feel miserable each time I do it. I feel sorry for myself. But I know I am acting up because of the stuff happening. And no, I am not pregnant, and thank god it has nothing to do with the health of us and ours. When I get a bit calmer I will talk about it.

But I am acknowledging the fact that I am doing it anyways. Eating right and moving I mean. No matter how hard I find it right now, I bite the bullet and go along with it. The real reason is that I cannot afford any negative feelings concerning myself right now. So I walk, I eat fish, and I whine here. And when I see the good weigh in I feel accomplished. When I show Angelos the daily number of steps on the pedometer, I feel accomplished. Right now, this is most probably the one thing in my life I can control 100%. And because I am doing very well at it, and by very well I mean that I am doing the bestest I could do concerning the way I feel, I am rewarding myself today with a nice green 100 euro bill worth of personal shopping. I do not know what I will buy, but I am leaving the office now to go and get it.

Thank you for bearing with me through these ranting posts.

There are many things that occupy my mind all day long. It is a chain of things that follow me all day and then visit me in different forms of dreams all night.

All of them are related to weightloss. And most of them if not all have started ever since I returned home from holidays.

Is there something I should be doing different? Will there ever be a time where I will be able to conquer weekends? Should I be less "into" it all week so that I will not feel fed up about it come Saturday night? Will I ever be able to enjoy a pizza with my husband on a Saturday night like a normal person? Is it ok that I did a round of 11.000 steps on Friday and then just 3.456 on Saturday and then none on Sunday? And if there was a waterproof pedometer, would my swiming on Sunday have counted for a few thousands of steps? Am I really different than I used to be or this is just a role I am currently playing?

I have been having all these thoughts all day long for the past week or more perhaps.

I am ashamed to tell you that it is not more than a few minutes back that made me realise the reason. And this is the reason I am posting, although I should be going home, since today was a surprisingly quiet day at work, and I should go home early while I can.

The reason for all these thoughts is plain, simple, and ugly.

I am really wishing for a quick fix. A fairy god mother that will come with her magic spells and take away 19 kilos of lard from my body. Overnight. Actually in 3 ickle seconds. Cos her spell should be that quick. I want to be normal and not have to obsess about diet. I do not want to feel proud of eating fish and watching my portions and working out. I just want to not to have to do all these!!!

I do not know what is wrong with me really. But I have to admit that something is. I do not feel guilty because I had not a good weekend eating wise. I actually was really very diligent. And because of this I suspect I had a bad weekend. Living - wise.

Saturday was big cleaning day. I cleaned the house spotless. Then Angelos came home from work and we went to the farmers' market. Then to my brother's shop for more fish. Then to the supermarket for detergents and napkins and the likes. Then to the organic shop for pasta and flour and yogurt and eggs and seeds and feta. Then home finally at 5 in the afternoon. I was up since 8 am!

We ate some grilled fish for a late lunch and then took a nap for a couple of hours and when we woke up we were both still knackered. Our late Friday night with the girls (for me) and the boys (for him) combined with all these chores really had us both feeling like zombies.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked him. "Stay in, eat pizza and watch any dvd" he said. "Fine" I said, I'll ring for the pizza and I'll go get it to walk some more, and you go get the dvd's"

So I called Pizza Hat, ordered his pizza (family classic crust half of it peperoni lovers and half of it cyprus lovers) and mine (medium thin and crispy crust margarita with onions and mushrooms and please, put as little cheese as possible, if you could actually put just 1/5 of the cheese you usually put I would really be thankful).

And I walked to the shop to take them and he went to the video club to get the movies.

And ever since I see more of that kind of dreams and feel really frustrated.

Yet, I am going to walk now on my way home and go and cook some fish for dinner! And wonder if it is just my hormones as I am approaching ovulation, or the stress I am having concerning the results of my ovulation, or simply the fact that I am a spoiled brat and deep deep inside still hoped that a bit more than 4 years back I had never eaten myself to 130 kilos so that I would not have to work hard and loose 60 of them!!!!!

Thanks to Katey I had to read the pedometer manual this morning. I mean, I read it yesterday too, to set the pedometer. But I assumed stuff, because I read it the usual way I read manuals. Just the bold letters...lol

So at the bold Set the stride I read ... If you walk 5.5 meters in 10 steps then your stride is .55 cm. And I assumed that mine would be 50 cm.

I also had to set my weight. I also assumed that my weight is 91 (cos it was 91.3 on Monday).

I did not had to assume the time, I checked my clock. But Katey commented yesterday that her 3 km loop is only 4000. And Angelos always complains when we walk together because he says I walk too fast and have a long stride. Which counts for no romantic holding hands walks...hehe

So today I had to reset the pedometer. I had to look for the measuring tape, put a sign where I started, walk 10 steps, put another sign there, and then count the distance. 7.2 meters! Which makes my stride 72 cm and not 50!

Then I had to call Angelos. And explain why he HAD to tell me where he has hidden the scales. I persuaded him. Then I laughed with his creativity! He has hidden the scales inside the basket with his dirty gym clothes. It's his turn to do the laundry this week and he was sure I would not peak into his dirty socks!

Another surprise. Super pleasant one too! The scales gave me gorgeous number my friends! 88.6!!! This is 2.7 kilos LESS than Monday!!! Which means I most probably lost something last week too, and Monday's 91.3 was bloatbloatbloat!

So after all this I rushed to the shower, put on my clothes, and hit the road. I walked to work!

Now, there is something else than needs reset I think. Our car's spedometer! Because I had calculated some distances with it and they seem to be a lot less calculated through the pedometer! Which is good, cos that means that our car has run less km than the spedometer says, and bad cos I have been walking smaller distances than I thought!

Anywa, as per my pedometer, the route from home to work is 5.3 km. And it took me 63 minutes during which I walked 7,116 aerobic steps and 245 plain steps, a total of 7361 steps! So I guess if I take a 30 minute walk after work, I will be all set for the day!!!

I know I am making you sick and tired of my pedometer, but its so new and fun to me, that I am really really finding so hard to sit in my office and work. All I want to do is make this number of steps bigger and bigger!!!!

Tonight I am seeing my two bestest girlfriends! We met when we were 18, on the orientation day in college, and have been extremely close ever since. We still call each other from 2 to 10 times a day after 18 years. So the one who is hosting the gathering today called me and asked me what I want to eat for dinner. And I screamed MEAAAAAAT!!!!!!! hehehe

Actually my fish was deliscious yesterday, it was the first fishy meal I really enjoyed very very much!

Right, gotta go and get some more work done! Have a great Friday girlies!!!

According to my new cadget my morning walk turned to be more of a work out than I always thought it was! So what I thought was a 3 K walk actually was 3.75 K. And they took me 6,939 steps to complete! But the good thing is that out of these steps 6,207 steps were recorded as aerobic steps. Fast, steady pace ...woooohoooo!!!! All this work and at the end I read in the pedometer that I burnt 14.1 grammars of fat! Big success I tells ya ;0)!

It also says in the manual that the 10,000 steps are to maintain good health and to loose weight one should do from 12 to 15 thousand steps!!!!

But I really love it, it is fun and it makes me already to go out and walk more and more!!!

Which I am going to actually, since I have my therapy session this evening and I am going there on foot! And if the mood is good afterwards, I think I am going to walk some of the distance home too!

Guess what our friends grilled in their bbq last night? Yep, veggies, corn, potatoes, shrimp kebabs and FISH!!!! It is a conspiracy!! I was so looking forward to a fat big juicy steak!!!!

So today I got more fish out of the freezer and I am going to bake then in the oven with lemon juice, garlic, fresh oregano and fresh thyme. They are gorgeous big red mullets, actually a kind of fish I really enjoy (deep fried but oh well ;). And I boiled beets this morning for a salad with a garlicky vinegraitte. And then, mmm...frozen grapes!

I am actually looking forward to dinner today. I am proud for sticking to eating fish for dinner 4 times a week! (It's sort of a challenge for me Beck, to eat fish 4 times a week for the whole of September). Then I can dream of a weekend of being my usual carnivore self ;)

I decided I will weigh in on Saturday. Angelos has hidden the scales and I cannot peak till then. But I feel my clothes getting back to where they were a couple of weeks ago, and as my period is almost over, I am seriously thinking that most of that gain should have been water retention.

Ah well...we will all see in less than two days now :)

My shins still ache but milder, and actually the pain goes away after 10 mins of walking and comes back when I am getting up from my desk after sitting for a long time. So I guess my feet are getting used to working out again. Now gotta get back to work!

Have a gorgeous afternoon/evening. And Shauna, its about time you post something, don't you think? hehehe

You know what is happening lately? I am forced to work again! I mean, I worked last week too, but it was more like this: come to the office at noon, make a coffee, chat with my partner about her son, my plants, the size of our arses, and the likes, then surf in the net, make a couple of phonecalls, see a few regular clients and exchange holiday stories, and that was it. Nice, smooth, un-demanding.

But everyone woke up this week and needs stuff!!! So I really got to work. And I don't really feel like it!

But then, I really don't feel like eating fish either, and yet I had another fishy dinner last night!!! I dunno what kind of fish I ate to tell you, actually I do know but I could not find a casual name for it in english. I can tell you that I ate a Serranus Scriba though and sound all posh and that. Anyway, it was a fresh big white fillet that got very well camouflaged and was edible for me too, though Angelos loved it.

So if you want the camouflage for it here it goes:

4 garlic cloves
5 tomatoes
a HUGE bunch or parsley
A bit of fresh basil and fresh oregano
Salt, Pepper

All of them in the blender form a nice thick paste. Put your fish on a deep ish tray, and then pour this on top. You should see no fish, just this thick sauce. No olive oil or any other fat. Bake it for half an hour in a hot oven and tada!!!!

However Angelos told me at some point that he was feeling very sorry for me. And he said it with real concern and care too. So I asked him why. And he said it must be really awful to eat a dinner that is simply edible, something I do not at all enjoy, just manage to swallow without disgust.

He is right you know. The only thing I am looking forward and enjoying right now is my bowl of frozen grapes after dinner. But right now, I got to go on eating fish. Because eating fish has the following advantages for me:

1. It will help me shrink my stomach a bit again. There is absolutely no chance of me eating too much fish, while I can eat too much chicken, or too much of any meat really. So I will get used to smaller portions.

2. It teaches me to eat slower. I am not my usual Pacman (yes, I eat as fast as he devours the dots) self when fish is at my plate. I eat it so slowly that I get bored chewing.

3. It is helping me eat less carbs. I do not want to eat any pasta or rice or bulgur or even pitta bread when I am eating fish. Just a tiny insy piece of feta.

4. It will help me save some money, because I am putting the money I would have spend on meat in a nice box that says "A Day In A Spa" and will spend them on myself at the end of the month! Which means the more times I eat fish in a week, the more times I get to put a bit of money on me sacred box!

5. It will make my father and brother happy for a while. Then they will realise how much fish I am eating lately, will do the math, see how much it costs them, and will stop bugging me with the eternal "you should eat more fish darling"! (or at least I hope so!)

6. It will make each steak or skinless chicken leg fillet so much more worthy!!!

See? I got 6 reasons to eat more fish!!!!

Now my shins are still killing me. So I took today off. Sort of off really, but don't tell Angelos cos he said he will kill me if I power walked today! I just did 3 k in the morning before work, and then I got back home and got dressed and wore high heels too. I am meeting Angelos in a friend's house tonight for a BBQ after work so I had to wear something that would persuade him I did no walking at all...hehehe.

And I am looking at my new pedometer right now! Am soooo excited!!!! Tis an 0mr0n wa1king sty1e II "step counter". Step counter sounds funny to me.

So tomorrow I will have numbers darlings, numbers of steps! And this little gadget also counts calories burnt, fat, and distance too! I ain't sure it does them all at once though! Wouldn't that be supercool?! I still got to read the manual...and I hate manuals!!!!

Right, an over the place post from me. My brain feels a bit scattered right now. You think its all this fish?!

Because of the school of therapy I follow, I have some very strong moments at times. I will do the same thing that I have been doing all of my life, and suddenly, I will know why I do it. It comes like a light - bulb on the top of my head and the realisation will always stun me. This happens because in Body Psychotherapy, when you finally start to get in contact with your body, your body eventually will start "telling" you things. Or things well hidden or supressed inside your body will suddenly surface with a vengence.

Lately, for instance, I cry after sex. It just happens. After I reach my peak, I feel a sudden rush of sadness and tears will start falling. My shame and pain were realeased after that last marathon experience and they need to express themselves. They need to get out. At first I was shocked and it kind of put me off for a few days, but I realised that this has to be done, so I am not fighting it anymore. I try to be as silent as possible so that I do not freak out my poor husband, but I let it out while I sent him to fetch my smokes or a glass of water or whatever I can think of at the time.

My last appointment got re-scheduled at an earlier time yesterday, so I had to go back to the office. I worked till 6.30 and then left and walked 3 k, then took the bus and got home. I had a big piece of salmon defrosting for dinner. Fish. Yuck. I put it in an oven tray, and then suddenly remembered an old recipe I had thought of years ago for salmon and tada! I actually had a superyummy dinner of fish! The zest of 3 lemons, the juice of one, a banch of parsley, 3 Tsp of dijon mustard, curry powder, garlic powder, and sweet paprika all blended together form a nice paste to cover the salmon, and when it is baked, all this yuminess sort of stabilises the fishy smell and it was really very very good, eaten with steamed brocolli and cherry tomatoes!

After I put the fish in the oven, I washed some grapes, dried them and put them in a small plastic bag to freeze them for dessert. Angelos came around 9.30 really very tired, we ate dinner and we were teasing each other about who would fall asleep first. I was too very tired from too much walking for a first day. So I took the remaining of my grapes to bed, while Angelos were watching telly, to finish them while reading my book.

At the back of my mind was the thought that I overdid it on walking. My shins were killing me after I got home. They still ache this morning. Which made me think again what of an all or nothing type I am. I can be either dieting hard or eating bad. I can either walk like a maniac or not walk at all. And as I was thinking about these, I was eating my grapes my favourite way. I put as many grapes as I can in my mouth, and after touching them each and every one with my tongue, I would try and press my teeth around them all to feel my mouth filling with their sweet juice. As I was doing this last night I was telling to myself all cocky "why take a peice at a time when you can enjoy such fullness?!" And the next thought was "why just have an orgasm at a time when all parts of your body can feast together?" Light-bulb switched on!

I realised that the reason I want big mouthfulls of combined food, like a small piece of pitta bread with a small peice of feta with a small piece of tomato with a small piece of onion is my supressed sexuality as a teenager. When this body of mine was really aching to feel the touch, when this body of mine was aching to be fully explored. Because really, the pleasure I feel when the grape juice feels my mouth is the same pleasure I feel when a big tsp of nutella fills my mouth, which is the identical plesure I feel when I am making wild love. Not sweet, tender, loving love. Not when love making is a statement of the deep feelings between two people. The kind of love that is based on a primeval need. And I realised that no number of combined big mouthfulls will ever ease this feeling unless I treat it at its core. It was really very hard for me afterwards to eat the remaining 8 grapes one by one. Slowly. Not putting one after the other in my mouth as fast as I could.

I know I am about to go through some really very tough and interesting therapy sessions soon. And I also know I am finally heading towards the end of my road there. Which is both exciting and scary. What I really need to admit and accept though is that noone but me can decide when the end will come. I am the one to speed or slow the process. I have to consciously take the decision to stop procastinating and go for the last headlong dive that will give me all the freedom and happiness diving into finally clear blue waters can give.

Now I will take my achy shins and take them for a 4 k walk. And I just thought I will save this post as a draft and post it as soon as I go to work. I just thought of the perfect photo from the island that would do for this post!

(amazing moonlight as seen from our balcony a few days before the moon was full)

Who would have thought that spending a week eating fruit, grilled proteins and salads, 2 servings of bulgur, and two pitta breads would result in a 800 gr gain?! Righto, my period would have something to do with it, don't you think? Or the kilo and a half of grapes that I ate all week as a dessert after dinner?

A challenge is due ladies. Seeing a number in the scales starting with 9 was not too good a feeling you know! Even if I am pretty close to the conclusion that it might be due to water retention from my period, still, it pissed me off.

However, the possitive thing that happened during last week is that I am back at eating healthy and enjoying it too! The bread and ice-cream craves have almost gone away, and the desire to loose weight is strong again. But 91.3?!!! Seriously, I do not think I did anything to deserve this!!! (You really think its the grapes? ;o)

So here I am on this gorgeous Monday morning, with a fine breeze, clear skies, and my beloved temperature of 23 C. At work, taking a bit of time before actually start working! I am feeling extremely energetic and in very high spirits too! And you know why? Because this morning I got up and got in the scales and felt really low. And felt extremelly angry that due to cramps I did not swim or walked on the treadmill during the weekend. Granted, on Sunday afternoon I spent a good 2 hours cleaning the house (actually I let the cleaning lady off her duties last week in an attempt to save some money, I will see how it goes) but this aint a real work out, just a bit of sweat.

So I was determined to do something this morning. But the weather was so gorgeous to walk inside! So I took all my stuff (handbag, lunch, snacks for work) in a back pack, put on my Nike's, and hit the road. I walked 5 k to work, then I took the bus for the remaining of the distance. It took me 42 minutes and I held a fast pace, which did not kill me! I have my last appointment at 5 in our client's office, which is about 6 km from home. I plan on walking home too! The pedometer is broken, but I just ordered one online and it will be delivered on Wednesday!

I got more fish from my brother on Saturday. A whole lot more fish. And a whole lot of fresh produce from the farmers' market on Saturday. So my challenge for this week is the following:

Eat fish for dinner 4/7
Control portions
Eat no more than 4 tsp of olive oil per day
Cut on the frozen grapes
Walk at least 10.000 steps a day, with a minimum of 40 mins as a morning walk.

If I ever see 9 as a first digit in my scales let me turn to a frog!!!

Have a great week!!!!

that I did not do any exercise this week because I was hopping I would be pregnant. And I got my period today. Which is making me a bit unhappy, and a lot happy at the same time.

During the month of July I did 3 sessions with a different alternative holistic med concerning my female issues. Not that I have too many. Besides an obsession that something might not be functioning properly. Truth is that when I tested my hormone levels about a year and a half ago, they were either on the lower or the higher end of the normal range. For holistics this is not normal. So I went and did some things about it with someone who is famous about his fertility treatments among the circles of alternative med practitioners.

I am a bit unhappy not just because I am not pregnant. Mainly because of the closeness sex had while we were in the island, the peaceful love we made in the beach, I really hoped I had conceived under that circumstances. I would then had wonderful stories to tell my baby when they would grow up, I would take them there and show them. I mean, it is quite different to show your kid your bed and tell them they were conceived there than to show them a gorgeous beach and tell them they were the product of love and amazing moonlight. Yep, I am crazy I know.

But I am happy because after a year and a half it is the first month I got my period in 28 days. My full circle seems to be coming back. I have had a very stable 28 days cycle all my life, but for the last year and a half it got crazy. 25 days, 23 days, 24 days. It caused me a lot of stress and no gynaecologist could give me any answer besides the "I assume it's normal for a woman's cycle to change when she is getting older". Getting older is not something a woman at her 36 wants to hear when she wants to have her first child you know!

Also, another thing I am happy for is that although I had cravings the past few days, which might be PMS related or first-week-back-on-track-after-a-month-of-piginess related, I had no mood swings and my cramps are minimal too! Please dear hormones, let this mean you have been stabilised!!!

But the most important thing that comes along with my period is a September of extreme dieting and exercise. I am really going to work my best and try and loose as much as I can this month. Getting pregnant at a lower weight is very strong an incentive for me. Because along with the sweetness filling my body on the thought of me actually being pregnant this last week, also came a feeling of guilt. Guilt for not having tried to loose some weight for my body to be a better place for my baby to grow in. Fear that no matter how diligent I would be during a pregnancy I would still give birth close to 100 kilos. It can naturally and easily happen you know when you get pregnant close to the 90's!

I will not spend more time contemplating different forms of exercising. Fun ones like a pool or dance classes. Tomorrow morning the treadmill gets plugged in again. And the training from the coutch to 5k begins! Before going to the beach. After all I am not sure I will be able to swim too much on the second day of my period. And if tomorrow I am feeling as sleepy and bloated as I feel this morning, I may postpone the training for a day, but the treadmill will still be pluged in, and I will get to it even for a slow walking session.

And it is time for portion controll too. I think I will eat the same way I ate this week, but in order to control my portions I will count points. 20 to 22 points a day will be good for a start, don't you think?

Wish me a good dieting September my friends. My reason for it is really very serious!!!!

I have really tried to load the rest of the photos to blogger, but it is not co-operating! I can do one but not all for some reason. And I thought that I will do one in each post, so that I will keep a bit of summer in my posts for as long as I can. Autumn brings me always a bit of a melancholy. I am really a summer girl!



You've seen parts of this place in the previous posts, but now here is the whole gorgeousness!!!

So how have things been, you may ask.

On the eating better front, I have to tell you I am really struggling. There is one item that never gets in our house and this is bread. Any kind of bread actually, besides 5 pittas a week. Three for Angelos and two for me. And they are usually eaten with grilled meats on a Friday or Saturday night as a treat. But while on holidays we both ate too much bread. We greeks have a very special way of eating our bread. We almost never put butter on it. Instead, we take pieces of it and we sop it in the olive oil of our greek salads, or the sauce of our food. Think of this: ripe tomatoes that drop their juice in the plenitude of extra virgin olive oil, strong red onions and scented oregano, tiny feta crumps, and a piece of white breadcrump sopped in all this yuminess! You can so easily eat a whole loaf like this. Angelos and I indulged in this yuminess during the holidays. So we both miss bread like crazy. In the evenings, after dinner, I usually ask him what I should cook tomorrow, and he always says he doesn't mind, he always says that anything will do. This week he always replies the same. 5 loafs of white bread with a huge greek salad...lol. However, I have stucked to my plan and I have had already the two pitta breads yesterday and my bulgur the day before, so no more carbs for me. But I have to admit that I am eating larger quantities of protein and fruits and veggies than I used to. Larger enough to not expect a spectalular loss on Monday's weigh in, but I have to start from somewhere. Right now my goal for this week is to get back to healthy eating, get rid of the ice cream addiction, and cut on olive oil. Till now, I have been really proud of myself. I have had moments at work dreaming of pepperoni slices the size of a car tyre, I have had moments in the bus contemplating getting off at a previous bus stop where a very good bakery is and buy white bread and go home and soak it in olive oil, put salt, pepper and oregano on it and drink the whole loaf, and I have had moments at home that I would sing to Angelos for 10 minutes "buy me an ice-cream..lalala...I will only do you for an ice-cream...lalala...my world will collapse without icecream...lalala...you will never have cleab underwear unless you buy me icecream ...lalala...oh you heartless man GET ME MY ICE CREAM...LALALA!!!!" Fun...lol But I have not eaten the pepperoni, nor the bread, nor the icecream. Not that he would ever go get me any. I have told him I won't do him for a month if he brings home anything remotely tempting...hehehe

Exercising is still out of the scheme. I walk a bit, but that's all. We will swim during the weekend, but that will be all too. One thing at a time.

I am also trying to gather my head together and work. I am day dreaming all the time I am afraid!!! But I will get to it sooner than later, cos I simply have to!

So this is all more or less at my world. I got a show to attend tonight for work and I am just so bored to go. And we are a bit broke too. But Angelos told me that if I stuck to my eating all week, he would take me shopping for a few treats on Saturday. No matter how I adore the sun, I have to admit that my skin needs extra care now. It is so dry!!!! And since I cannot have any kind of chocolat, I think that some chocolaty scented body scrub and body moisturiser would do for now.

You think I will be able to stop myself from digging a finger into the luscious creams and lick it clean?

Oh...I almost forgot!!!! I got a recipe for whoever loves eggplants/aubergines! Coming straight from the island too!

Take 4 big eggplants. Put them in the oven as they are, no peeling or anything. Bake them till soft. Wait till they cool down. Then peel them and put the flesh in the blender with a bunch of parsley, 3-4 garlic gloves, a medium onion, a red bell pepper, the juice of 2 lemons, a tad olive oil, salt and pepper, and puree them all together. It makes an excellent dip for roasted veggies, rice crackers, or a side dish for any grilled meat!

Happy weekend!!!

A favourite beach

Beloved Aegean

Countless ickle churches like this one exist in all Greek islands

Late afternoon sun dropping diamonds into the water



Simple and pure

The kind of art only nature can create

More tomorrow ....

Arriving to our little village

The path from our rooms to the beach

A small traditional fishing boat

Those thorns are called donkeyhorns because donkeys find them a rare delicacy. Incredible water again!

Sunset