Thursday, March 31, 2005
Last night I ate chicken
And this morning I caught myself talking to the scales! Seriously, I realised it after I had finished my third sentense!

On Tuesday, I ate an apple for breakfast, a green salad with 4 Tsp of azuki beans for lunch, and no dinner. We had an actors' night in one of the theatres we work for. Actors' nights is when the theatre operates on a day off (Mondays and Tuesdays are off days for theatres in greece) so that other actors who also work have a chance to see the play. These nights are more fuss than the premieres, there are so many "stars" gathered together, that we have lots of cameras and photographers and glossy faces and a party afterwards. So I was in the theatre at 7.30, to organise the seating, and I left at 12.30, after I was sure that every one was in the party happy, that all the "right" photos have been taken, etc. So I was home at 1am and went straight to bed. Because to be honest, I was so ravenous that if I had one bite of anything, I would have eaten the whole house!!!

Then yesterday I woke up, very early unfortunately, had my apple, my coffee, read the blogs, and then I had mega beautification to take care off. See, yesterday it was the big press conferrence for our big festival that starts (oh shit!!!) tomorrow. I had to look super good! When I have such events that are so stressy, I always need to feel I look my best, because that makes me feel more confident. And when I feel confident like this, I can handle crisis with the journalists so much better. Because they always have something to complain for, especially about interviews when they realise that they didnt have the exclusivity. And I mainly deal with such crisis by being sweet and flirting a bit with them. Yeah...P.R. prostitution is how my partner and I call this...hehehe

My stomach was tight like a knot, so besides my morning apple, all I ate was another apple at 4 in teh afternoon when we got back to the office (after a HUGE success in the press conference thankyouverymuch).

I gathered many compliments there too. The killer one was from a journalist with whom we have been friends for as long as I am in this business. Newbies solidarity, as we started working at the very same month! He told me I am getting dangerously gorgeous! How priceless is this! hehehe

I worked for a couple of hours more, left at 6, met a girlfriend for a coffee, then had my therapy session at 8. Angelos picked me up at 9.10, and all the conversation in the car was going like this:

An: Oh god I am ravenous!
Ar: Oh you cannot possibly be more ravenous than I am!!!
An: Oh I can!
Ar: Oh no you cannnot!!!
An: What should we eat?
Ar: I dunno, I should eat my salad really
An: Oh come on, lets eat something together, its footy night together, we should get a pizza!
Ar: I don't want pizza! Go ahead, order a pizza for you, I will have my salad!
An: Ah eating pizza alone on a footy night is no fun!
Ar: I was told I am getting dangerously gorgeous today. I dont want pizza, I want to BE dangerously gorgeous!
An: Oh...you were told that huh? By who?
Ar: A journo
An: Ah it doesn't count ... journos want to have exclusivities....and you ARE dangerously gorgeous to me!
Ar: Ah...it doesn't count...hubbies want to have warm dinners and clean undies
An: Touche
Ar: Always
An: So no pizza huh?
Ar: No pizza
An: Can I suggest a compromise?
Ar: Let's hear it
An: Roasted chicken breast from Denny's for you and roasted chicken with pittas and fries and barbeque sauce for me. And I will eat all the skin before you get tempted.
Ar: Ummm....
An: wrong! You should mmmmm......
Ar: Mmmmmm.....
An: Is this a yes?
Ar: No...its a mmmmmmmmyes...lol

So we ordered the chicken, took our lucky seats, and got ready to watch the game. Greece was playing Albania for the preliminary game sfor the World Cup...oh I love Mundial!!!! And we kicked their butts too...hehehe

I ate the chicken breasts with cuccumbers, no olive oil on them.

So this morning, when I was getting my pj's off to get on the scales, I caught myself saying to her:

"Oh come on now, don't show a gain, all I ate was some chicken breast, pure clean protein, that was not bad food"

Then I realised what I was doing. Then I felt stupid. Then I got on the scales. Then I saw 88.3. Then I realised that this is the lowest I have seen in 3 and a half years. Then I got on my knees and kissed the scales.

Now tell me. Should I switch from the therapist to a psychiatrist? Am I really mad?

Posted by Argy at 8:39 am | 11 comments

Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Thoughts
The place we went is called Rovies. Its a village by the sea, in Northern Evoia. The magic of Northern Evoia is that it combines gorgeous sea villages and amazing mountain villages. In less than 30 minutes by car you find yourself from the pine and fir forrest with the rivers and the waterfalls to the gorgeous sea side, with lacey beaches and cute fish villages.
The most amazing thing was nature. The rebirth was everywhere. First, all the ground was covered by a green carpet of fresh grass. Then, the wildflowers were colouring the carpet with all colours you can imagine. Yellow and orange daisies, red poppies, purple and blue anemones, pink stars, anthemis that sweetened the scent of the air, and so many others that I only have the "unofficial" names in greek. Like red "starlets", small red flowers in a shape of a star, orange "tangerines" that are like tiny tiny tangerines and are fluffy, purple drops, that are really very short flowers with a bright green stem and purple drops forming a tiny bunch like grapes, bell flowers of all colours....ah you can only understand when you see, my description is too poor to give it justice really.
Then the pine and the fir trees green and glorious, and the poplars and the platans with their bear brunches full of newly formed tiny leaves, the ivy hugging their trunks.
And then, in 30 minutes, to be in the beach, the sea breeze filling your nostrils, the sun shinning, the small fish boats in the sea, ouzo smelling everywhere from the small tavers by the beach...it was really really beautiful.
We had not been there for about 4 years. Last time we were there, Angelos and the rest decided to follow the creek and find the water falls. We had been told that it was a rough path, but it was doable. I remember struggling for half the distance, and then not continuing. I saw the water falls about a week later, in the photos. I was angry, I was sad, I was depressed.
But this year, I saw the water falls. I walked all the hard path. I puffed. I struggled. I had to cross the creek at various instances by jumping from rock to rock, something I have been afraid to do all my life. But I saw the waterfalls! I have the photos to prove it!!!! And you know what? We walked for 2 hours to get there, to discover that the municipality had built a path and had curved stairs in the ground, and had put ropes on the side, so that people could go down there from the top of the hill. We were a bit disappointed to see people there! But we climbed up the stairs and took the road down to where we had left our car, so we didn't have to go all the hard path back again. It only took us 30 minutes to get back to the car, while it had taken us 4 times more to get to the waterfall!
What was a frequent image while Angelos was driving around the mountain, an image that stuck to my head really, was that in some places, under very high and huge trees, where the sun was not really getting to the ground, there were small ponds of snow. It was really strange, because of all the spring evidence, the warmth of the sun, the wildflowers.
It really made me feel like I was watching myself. Like I was watching my soul there. Like I was watching the way I feel. It was strange really, because I know how I feel of course. But to see my feelings and myself depicted like this was really sureal.
In my soul, and in most of my body there is spring. There is this strong feeling of emergence, of rebirth, of life. There is colour inside me. There is light. There is the strong willingness to live. To create. To multiply. To feel and experience. But there are dark corners still. Frozen corners. Stagnant energy. There is still snow. There is the eagerness to move. And there is the frost that sometimes makes me unable to move.
Yesterday I said that sometimes I feel like I am possessed for the way I so mindlessly eat at times. I think fear does this to me mainly. Fear of loss of life. Although I was a shiny example of eating just my apples and my veggies and rye rusks all day friday and saturday, in the taverns where Angelos was eating all kinds of yummy local delicacies and drinking wine or ouzo, I returned to Athens after the bad news and ate souvlaki on Saturday night, and lots of finger food I prepared at my inlaws house on Sunday for a "farewell" meal for the uncle amongst close relatives. And I had icecream for dinner too. And lots of sex as well. Angelos told me last night that he too felt like doing all the things alive people do in excess. But this is not a good reason to pig out :o(
It was a good day yesterday. The funeral was quiet with the sadness of the loss but the relief of him resting now instead of suffering. We saw many relatives of Angelos who do not live in Athens. We laughed after the funeral sharing funny stories of the deseased. In Greece we say that there is no wedding without tears and no funeral without laughter. I walked for 7 km in an hour in the treadmill when I woke up, I had breakfast before coffee and blogs, I ate well, I even walked for half an hour on my way home from work.
But the image of the snow under the darkness of the strong big trees stayed constantly in my mind.
I think it is about time to aknowledge those dark, frosted spots, and let the light warm them.

Posted by Argy at 11:42 am | 4 comments

Monday, March 28, 2005
Quickie
The weekend could have been great. But it wasn't. Not all of it at least.

We left happily on Friday, Angelos did an awesome job with packing my bag, besides one thing. I had to wear black bras with white shirts...lol He never thought that I'd need a lighter bra for the lighter shirts. But no extravagant clothes or undies. Very sensible, and a lot less clothes than I would have gotten myself.

But on Saturday afternoon we received a phonecall from his dad. His brother (Angelos' uncle) died, so we had to come back.

It's not long that I came to work, the funeral was this morning. He was in his middle 70's and died from the horrid desease. It was expected. But he had a good life, and he rested in peace.

I am in a frantic at work, and don't know when I will have the time for a proper post.

I just want to tell you that although all the time we were away I was brilliant with eating and I refused all local delicacies, I walked so much in the forest and in the beach, from the moment we went at his parents' house, all I was doing was eating and cooking and eating and cooking.

This morning I woke up an hour earlier just to "punish" myself and walk for an hour in the treadmill.

I dunno what happens sometimes, and I eat so mindlessly, it makes me feel I am possessed!!!

Take care all, I will try to post tomorrow morning.

Posted by Argy at 2:59 pm | 2 comments

Friday, March 25, 2005
Off we go !!!
Angelos is packing our bags as I type this! He is going to choose all the clothes and undies for me! He has been in gorgeous spirits after his first therapy session yesterday, he asked me to pack things for me, and I just couldn't resist him. I only had to tell me how many of each he was supposed to take, cos I don't want an overpacked bag...lol. But it will be fun I think to go there and open my bag to see what he feels like I should wear on a long weekend with him. The only item I told him he HAD to pack were my Nikes, because there will be LOTS of walking involved.

Where we are going there is a gorgeous combination of mountain and small rivers and the gorgeous beach as well. I am taking my bathing suit. I don't plan on swimming, it is just a week that the temperature has gone around 20-22, and the water will be freezing, but if it gets too sunny it will be nice to walk in the (empty) beach and get some colour on those cheecks :)

I'm ecxited to go, I'm relieved that Angelos liked therapy, I have hope, and a big smile on my face. Happy Easter to you all that celebrate Easter this weekend. I'm going to go get dressed and hit the road!!!!

Long weekends RULE!!!!

Posted by Argy at 10:03 am | 7 comments

Thursday, March 24, 2005
Measurements
Goooood Morning :)

I added you as friends, so now go see beautiful Amsterdam. The first two pics, by the way, are from last year's trip, and there is a bit of a comparison to make.

I have more for you, but I must now find another quiet hour at work to scan them. God knows when...lol

I still have to take pics of the boots, and I figured that since we are going away tomorrow for the long weekend, I will take more pics and finsih the film with the boots, so I guess soon more photos will be added in the account. I will also try to see how to link them in here, some of them at least. It is so frustrating to not know how to make this blog to look like me. Well, not with long hair and that, you know what I mean. To have the colours I like, to have cute links with your blogs, all the cool stuff the cool kids do.

But my english fail me in htlm tutorial pages. I am the kind who needs to have such stuff explained first, then try and find my way around. Oh well...

I have been feeling slimmer lately. Angelos keeps on telling me I feel smaller in his arms. But the scales today are up a whole whooping 700 gr. Its the 20th day of my cycle, and its usually when fluid retention starts.

So I got the measuring tape just 10 minutes ago, and I have lost a tinsy few cm's.

Here are Feb 22 measurements and March 24 ones. Not too much of a difference I reckon, but a difference anyway :) The increase in my abdomen most probably shows the fluid retention.

22.02.2005

Chest: 106
Waist: 90
Abdomen: 103
Hips: 115
Thigh: 69.5
Calf: 45
Arm: 39

24.03.05

Chest: 105
Waist: 89
Abdmen: 104
Hips: 114
Thigh: 68.5
Calf: 44.5
Arm: 38

I'll do measurements again on April 24.

Now I got to go shower and hit the pavement for my walk to work :)

Posted by Argy at 9:21 am | 3 comments

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Photos!
I have FINALLY uploaded some Amsterdam pics in flickr! I am thrilled I finnaly did it.

But you got to be friends to see ;o)

Email me at argyr at otenet dot gr and I'll let you see!!!

Posted by Argy at 8:49 pm | 1 comments

Goals and how to's
In the beginning of March, I had set myself a challenge that I'd get back to 88.8 kilos pre - Amsterdam weight. The cute three eights, remember? Well, I had said then that the challenge ended on March 16. But March 16 came and went, and I have had a hard couple of weeks, I had some pretty low days, went through a lot inside me, and ate my way though some of it too.

For an emotional eater such as myself, this is always going to happen. The good thing is that now it happens very consiously, resulting in lasting a lot shorter than it used to, and in better quality too. Smaller quantities too. The most important thing now is that it is aknowledged for what it is exactly, and therefore is treated as such. A weak moment, not a state of being.

It is very fortunate that I got on the scales today to see the cute three eights lined up for me next to each other. 88.8 kg again. Bliss! And it is fortunate, because I like to start with this weight today that I am in a clear mind set, after a very refreshing good night's sleep, and ready to share my goals.

When I started this blog last May, I wanted to share a journey with you, because I needed the support and the feedback. I also needed all the "bravo's" I could get. Don't take this wrong. During my weighloss journey the last four years, I have taken bravos in abundance. But it is always different to take them from people sharing the same struggle, people who understand what it means to work your arse off for a 200 gr loss. Support and encouragement from people who have actually been or still are there is so much different. So much more precious.

Back then I have hoped that I'd loose the remaining 25 kilos in a year. It sounded really rational. It would be about 2 to 3 kilos a month, really doable. I remember I started my blog middle May and I know from my notebook that on May 1st I weighed at 95. I must have been around 91 or 92 when I started blogging.

But then life comes in and throws her little tricks and plans go down the drain.

I was trying to see how I felt for this. Surely I did not meet my purpose. Surely all I managed to do since then was loose some, gain it back, loose some again, gain it back, loose it again.

However, this morning I am happy.

It is still March, and for the first time in my weight loss history I managed to not have gained at least 6 kilos during the winter. Which I have gained really, but have managed to loose again too.

So with Spring right here at my door (though hiding behind these clouds the last couple of days), I am pleased with myself for having lost some weight. For having learned to not allow more than 3-4 kilos to pile before I take action. Of course, I have been forced to learn this. And I have found a wonderful strategy to help me too. Every 3-4 kilos, I take all my trousers and skirts to the dress maker and have them taken in. She complains and complains. She even tries to stop me from doing this bringing the money issue. "You would have made a pile of new clothes with all these money you pay me to take them in" she tells me every time. And it is true. But if I did that you know what would have happened? The bigger clothes would have still been in my closet, and I would have something to fit in should I've taken more than the 3-4 kilos. Whereas now, I don't. Smart right? hehe

Every winter, even when I have been slim, I gain weight. It is the cold, the comfort of yummy food after a hard working day, the gathering of friends for dvd's or games with chocolate and wine and pasta and the likes. Small pleasures that I find so hard to deny.

But this winted now leaves with a luggage of a few kilos of mine gone. And this makes me happy. It is only a tinsy amount of ..what?...6.2 kilos if I take the May 1st weight, or ...hang on...lemme check...8 kilos if I take the end of March weight. Not perfect, but nor bad either. A loss is a loss, right?

So I have set myself some goals. Some dates too. From now to April 24 it will be a mad period at work. There is a big Festival we are organising, promoting and doing the press for that will really need at least a good of 12 hours of constant hard work. Nights too, because there is an event each and every night.

Then, on April 25, the Easter week starts. Easter for us Christian Orthodox is on May 1st.

So my goal is to weight 83 kg by April 30.

I will eat by the basic detox plan - the scariest detox known to mankind as Kimba calls it - which really suits me in Spring. I been doing it for a bit more than a week now and it is so much easier than it was in January! Soon the organic tomatoes will be out. And last spring when I started this detox, I never felt deprived. On the contrary, I felt like I was eating like a queen. I'd have apples and strawberries all day, and then in the evening Id have a HUGE salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, capers, kalamata olives, peppers, fresh basil, fresh spearmint, olive oil, roasted zucchinis, roasted eggplants. And pieces of rye rusks cut in it, which absorbed all the tomato juice and olive oil. My mouth waters just with the thought! Only that now, every couple of weeks I will take one pleasurable meal. For the purpose of the soul pleasing and the leptin tricking...lol

My exercise will be walking. Brisk walks in the morning, on my way to work. half the way, some of the way, all the way. It will depend on each day's workload and mood. But never less than my 4 km.

So this is it, till April 30. I have exactly 40 days to loose 5.8 kilos. If I manage to get clean out of this long weekend, I think it will be totally doable. (We are leaving on Friday and are coming back on Sunday evening :o))

So, have you noticed? I am back, with a plan, and a better mood!

Posted by Argy at 8:57 am | 5 comments

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Silly mood rising from excess workload
So I have been making plans and reassesing goals and developing strategies. In my head. And in my notebook too. I am indeed in better spirits, and am still working on the best approach and on the short term goals, since the long term ones are pretty obvious. Look hot and sexy is all!

But work has been insane! The big arse festival we're working for starts April 1st. And the press conference is on March 30. And we are going away for the long weekend, while the rest of the people here at work are staying to work on Friday, so I have to do my share before leaving in order to be fair and able to leave with no guilt for leaving them back working.

But I am not in a mood to really write a serious post with all my thoughts and course of action to be followed.

Instead, while I am calling my beloved journalists not, to make sure they have gotten the invitation for the press conference, I am also going to do this fun thing I stole shamelessly from cat who stole it from emma who stole it from who knows who.

Here it is :)
Accent – Greek when I speak english. Greeks say I sound like a foreigner when I speak Greek. Go figure...

Bra size – 36 C

Chore I hate – I have a cleaning lady. But I really hate ironing

Dad's name – Mihalis (tis greek for Michael)

Essential make-up – Mascara, MAC clear lipglass

Favorite perfume – Sandalwood/pepper/cinammon/ginger/orange oils. Anything woody or spicey. I usually get essential oils from organic shops and make my own mixtures

Gold or Silver - I'm not really into "precious" metals. My wedding band is gold though

Hometown – Athens

Interesting fact - I am a born green finger. Gimme any dead plant I will make it blossom again

Job title – Public Relations Consultant.

Kids - Bring them on!!!!!

Living arrangements – we owe a small apartment. Really small studio actually. It was given to me as a present from my parents when I got married (parents in greece do this) But we rent it to a young girl and we rent a bigger one. We = me and my husband

Mom's Birthplace – Athens

Number of apples eaten in last week – probably 30. Tis all I eat for breakfast and lunch

Overnight hospital stays – 3 I think. 4 if you count my first night in this world. One when I had my appentix removed, 2 between the age of 18 to 19.

Phobia – Used to have fear of hights and acrophobia. But I am cured babe :) I even checked by going to the Mega Drop (50 m high...wooohooo!!!) Now all I am afraid of is death of the ones I love.

Question you ask yourself a lot - should i go back to WW?

Religious affiliation – Christian Orthodox

Siblings – a younger brother, 1.5 years younger actually

Time I wake up – 7:30 - 8.00

Unnatural hair color – Blonde, 2 years ago

Vegetable I refuse to eat – I love them all. Steamed spinach must have seasonings though, or it tastes like mud to me

Worst habit – smoking

X-rays – had some in my arm, when I broke it, in my right leg, when I broke it, in my teeth, not when I broke them

Yummy food I make – umm...I had second thoughts, but I will blow my own horn. I am such a great cook...hehe

Zodiac sign – Aquarius...rising sign is Gemini. Air in Air. My excuse for everything!

Here

I had fun doing this. Though the journos kept mentioning the noise from my keyboard...hehehe

Posted by Argy at 6:41 pm | 2 comments

Monday, March 21, 2005
Spring Equinox
March 21 2005.
Ready to celebrate the 36th Spring Equinox of my life. The official date that means more light to me. The days will grow bigger, the sun will honour me with its presence for longer. The day will come warmer and so will the heart. And then there is no return really. Though it might trick us with a few cloudy skies till the middle of April, like it does every year, there is really no return! Summer will follow!
Summer will follow?!?!
Shite!!!
You know what that means, right?!?!?
Less clothes!!!!
Bare arms!!!!
No pantyhose !!!!
This thought along with Cat's post about reassessing our goals, gave me lotsa food for thought today. And lotsa food for thought certainly means less food in the stomach. I will come back with more concrete plans.

Posted by Argy at 11:58 am | 1 comments

Saturday, March 19, 2005
Warning! This is yet another not weight-loss related post!
Saturday morning. 9.39 to be precise. I have been up since 8 am. The birds awake me. It really delights me to wake up with the birds. Living in the big city, such things are really to be treasured. The birds in the morning, the smell of the bitter orange trees blossoming in the pavements, the wild yellow daisies popping everywhere there is just a handful of soil, the farmers market smelling of strawberries, the new buds forming in the bare branches of the mullberry trees. Did you know that most of the trees planted in the streets of Athens - well on the pavements really...lol...in big round holes in the pavements to be precise - are bitter orange and mullbery trees? It's funny, cos the rationality behind this really beats us athenians. Noone eats the mullberies, since they are loaded with polution from the fog, so when they ripe the pavements end up purplle from all the fallen fruit, and the bitter oranges just drop from the trees in orange piles. Perhaps they planted them cos they need not much to grow and maintain. And the folliage is pretty too. But at that time of the year, it is really delightful to walk in Athens, because the scent of the orange blossoms is so gorgeous.

As unexpected as it was, after weeks of rain and wind and grey skies, Spring has come and it shows her intention to stay. It has been sweetly sunny since last Saturday. I go out with a shirt and a jean jacket. I roll up the sleeves of my shirt when I am at work. I am not turning the heat in the aircon in my office. It gets a bit chilly when I get out the office in the evening, but I strangely enjoy the shivers while I am waiting for a taxi to go home after work.

I have been quiet this last week. Inside me that is. After Wednesday, I tried to calm the noise all these thoughts were making in my head, and concentrated to every day tasks. Wake up. Turn on the puter. Go put the espresso maker on. Return to puter to connect to the internet. Go get the coffee. Sit in front of the puter. Open mailbox and explorer. Choose the WeightLossSupport folder from my favourites. Look at the emails downloading. Read the first blog. Seeing more emails downloading in my task bar. Read through another blog, hoping that there are comments in the emails. Read though another blog. Opening the mailbox. Getting rid of trash emails. Savouring each and every one filled with support from you. Get to the next blog. Finish coffee. Chew on the remaining icecubes. Disconnect from the internet. Turn off the puter. Go to the bathroom. Take a shower. Take much time after the shower to put on body butter, face cream. Put on undies. Spend some time in front of my closet. Taking lots of care in what I wear. Choose jwellery. Put on make up. Do hair. Choose sunglasses. Put on perfume. Look for the keys. Leave home.

Walk. Walk. Walk. Not power walking to burn the fat. Calm walking, lingering in the fresh sunshine, cutting a couple of orange tree blossoms to rub on my nose to hold the smell, breathing deep, my mind quiet, my body not as tensed and heavy as a few days ago. Walk like this for an hour, then taking a bus for the remaining distance to work. Getting on the bus, opening my book, read for 15 minutes or so, get off, go to work. Work quietly, not talk much, do my meetings, eat my apples, get back home. Cook quietly for Angelos, slice my veggies, bake them, make my tzatziki. Welcome him with a quiet hug when he comes home. Have dinner quietly, talking about our days. Then quietly curl up in the sofa and watch a movie. Then quietly sleep in his arms in bed.

Yesterday it was my girlfriend's birthday. Her niece is born at the same day with her. She turned 8. My friend turned 37. They do their birthday together, in a playground. Shes such a lucky woman my gf, to still have her birthday celebrated at a playground at the age of 37! With more than 40 kids arround! So yesterday, I took my 4.5 years old niece and went there. The playground was huge, and the kids were happy, and we the adults were having coffees and chatting and all of a sudden a kid would pop in and say something, or give a kiss, or complain a little. I was surrounding by hyper red cheecks, by sweet little voices, by pure energy.

"Azylo...zou ale quiet" my niece said (well...she said Argyro you are quiet in greek of course, but should she spoke in english, this is exactly how she would have sounded!)

"Argy you are quiet" my girlfriends mentioned.

"Azylo ...zou ale butiful" my niece said a little later.

"Argy you look very sweet today" my girlfriends noted. Who, when they saw me at first, both said I look like I have lost more weight.

The truth is I feel "smaller". I have not got in the scales. Perhaps this is what has been part of the reason of my being quiet. After the big storm there is always peace. I am experiencing this peace right now. By being quiet I am not living in my head. I am sensing my body. I am focusing on the inside. But not on the logic or lack of it. On the essence. On the feel. On the core.

There are two bodies inside my body. There is this young body, full of energy, bursting for new sensations, the playful body who wants to feel and experience and learn how to be more pleasurable and more pleasured.The curious body that feels new things and is totally whipped up with enthusiasm. The young body that wants to jump, climb trees, run faster, ride the bike standing up. And then, there is this young body that has been made to fear all these. There is this young body that has been terrified of running fast, and climbing trees and feeling the sensations. Because it might fall! It might get hurt! It might be taken advantage of! Oh the big bad wolf! Oh the horrifying hights! Then this young body learns to supress. Because is made afraid of "danger". And although it bursts for some action, it really has to be careful. Polite. Well behaved.

Seeing all these kids yesterday doing all the "dangerous" things in the protected world of inflated hills and soft floors, of rounded corners and pillowed ceilings, because I was so quiet, and really because of this, made me feel this young body that loved to experiment and play, the one before the one that got scared and tensed.

On our way back to my brother's house, my niece and I were sitting on the back seat of the taxi. She was talking and talking and talking like a machine gun. Her excitement was so much for her little heart. She was telling me about the cute boy, the games, what he said to her, that she liked holding his hand, that she had never been in a trampoline before, how she loved flying there, how she jumped higher from all, yap yap yap. I was drinking in her words. I was thankful for the darkness that hide my watery eyes because I was so mooved. So touched with emotion. And then she wore herself out I think. Suddenly, it was all quiet in the taxi. And her body slowly leaned towards mine, and her left hand reached for mine, and then she locked her tiny fingers to mine, and she put her right palm on my heart, and breathed a sigh.

"what is wrong honey?" I asked her.
"Your heart plays music" she said. "I like music in hearts aunty."
"You do?" I asked "Why?"
"Why?" she said "You are silly Azylo" she said with a I'm-oh-so-smart tone in her voice. "Because you love me!"

I hugged her and held her close. She was smilling and I could not say a word cos she could tell from my broken voice that I was good into tears by then.

The feel of her little body fully pleased with the play, fully spent after all this energy, and fully abandoned in the security of mine, the feel of her small hands on my hand and on my heart was the most precious thing I have experienced in my last quiet days.

Angelos booked an appointment with my therapist for next thursday. He told me last night. For a year we have been discussing this. There are a few problems we have to work out together for the both of us to move forward together. For the both of us to totally clear all the hurt and anger of the past. Of my leaving him 3 years ago for another person. And a few more things. My therapist had suggested 2 to 4 individual sessions of Angelos with him, and a couple of joined ones with both of us. For a year Angelos tells me that he really feels he should take these sessions, and for a year he is procrastinating them. I do not know what made him make the phone call, especially since we have not discussed about it for the last two months or more. But I am so thankful to whatever the reason was.

Life seems brighter all of a sudden.

Posted by Argy at 9:16 am | 3 comments

Wednesday, March 16, 2005
I miss me too Beck
Sweet ms ralph ('xcuse me inability to do cute links, she's the mighty www.suckingitin.blogspot.com) left me a comment yesterday saying she misses me.
I was not going to come back and post till I clear this mess inside me, but the truth is that I miss myself too, and I thought that writting here might help me see some of me again. Or not. I don't know.
When someone is engaged in a long journey to loose a huge amount of weight, like I do, there is one thing that is certain. At some point, they will become impatient. I think this very impatience is what sabotages all the wonderful efforts at the end, and gets us back to the old habbits, back to the comfort of tacos and cookies.
Logic does not exist in any schism. There is no explanation in why someone will be meticulously diligent in eating and exercising for a long period of time to simply blow it in a couple of days. There is no way of having concrete understanding why the same body that will react in a certain way by a certain eating plan and a specific exercise routine will decide to stop reacting, or even have reverse results. Abyss is the human soul, and I am yet to discover the depths of mine.
Sometimes I feel I am two of me. I am the wife who wants to start a family. And then I am the woman who wants to experiment and explore the world of men and lust. I am the sensible dieter who have worked hard and have achieved so much. And then I am the rebel who refuses to be judged by the size of her arse. I am the P.R. consultant who likes to glow with pride in her fancy outfit at the intermission of yet another succesfully organised theatrical premiere. And yet I am the old fashioned woman who dreams of a house with a garden to grow her own veggies and be a stay-at-home wife and mom.
The schism again. Between the soul and the body. Between the who I am and who I wanted to be. Between me and mine. Between mine and theirs.
Compromise. I have learned that. I have tangled this task too. But the rebel awakes from time to time and she is so capable of creating storms. The rebel returns like a tornedo.
So the truth is that I am afraid of the rebel. I am afraid of her, really am. The more weight I loose, the more tempted I become. The more of me gets out, the more of what stays in gets panicked. Does that sentense even makes sens? I wonder...
We went out a lot during the long weekend. We went out with friends, who brought their friends and we were always with a big group of people, and there were many new faces around. And many of the many flirted with me. And I flirted shamelessly too. My husband is not happy with this. I can sense it. And I am not doing anything about it. Actually now I come to think about it, I did. On Saturday and Sunday I returned home to devour amazing quantities of halva, turkish delights, valhrona chocolate. On Monday, during the traditional lunch of vast quantities of seafood and ouzo, Vangelis and Sofia persuaded us to do the crazy thing again. We have another national holiday on March 25, our Independence Day. They said...come on...you know what would be nice for the long weekend? To hire Vespas and cruise Rome! So all Monday was spent in plans about a 3 day trip to Rome, a trip none of us can afford, but hey, we live only once and there is always plastic...
But Angelos yesterday told me we are not going. The schism again. A part of me was admiring my sensible husband, was loving him for his ability to talk sense to me. And yet, a part of me felt terribly let down because, remeber, we only live once and there is always plastic...
I know I cannot do this anymore. I do not have the patience for 3 kg losses in a month. I cannot diet another year. I want to know if the schism will cease to exist when the eager soul meets the slim body.
As of yesterday I am back to the detox. I spoke with my med last night. I sms'ed him after midnight actually, asking if he was awake and if we could have a talk. Luckily he was up and reading at home. We had a long telephone conversation. Two hour long! It is always good to be friends with your doctor. It felt good to talk to him like I'd talk to a friend.
He said I can do it. I can detox for 2-3 weeks, have a day off, then go back. Every 2-3 weeks he will change it a little. But the basics will be the same. Lotsa apples, lotsa baked veggies, lotsa salds, olive oil, tzatziki or rye rusks, depending if I am eating raw salads or baked veggies. Few Tsp of lentils or azukis every couple of days for protein. A stuck of herbs and supplements I got to go buy later today.
Kimba said in a comment that I am conditioned to see big losses after the January detox. She was so right. But I cannot have it any other way. Since August last year I have lost some, gained some, lost some, generally, I have maintained. I am confident about maintenance. I just need to loose the rest fast. This whole saga has really worn me out. Last night I slept in the sofa for the first time in the almost 8 years I have been married. Not accidentaly. Intentionally. And it has nothing to do with him really. I just had to be with myself. See how much I stand me. And I know he feels isolated. And I do not have the energy to approach. I just need to mend first.

Posted by Argy at 10:36 am | 9 comments

Friday, March 11, 2005
It posted!

So I will try my luck and hope blogger is not the type who digs in main dishes by just ignoring appetisers. Assuming the little sentense I posted before was an appetiser. And am heading for the main course now.

So...what should I serve you today? Fettucini Alfredo? A good portion of work stress? Self Saucing Chocolate Pudding? A big bowl of diet insecurity? Lemon capellini with caviar? An "I-weighed-in-800-grammars-more-than-yesterday" platter? Stuffed tomatoes? Perhaps a "EatGood-WorkoutMore-WeightAintDropping" triffle?Good ole fashioned shrimps in coctail sauce? Gimme your choise! Come one, we are friends here, don't be silent, here is your chance to order!

Are you laughing? You should not. You should pat my head and be sweet and nice and tell me oh Argy, you know hard work pays off, you know next week will be a great result, you took your jeans in ten days ago and you felt them loose yesterday again! You are loosing cm. To see me acting up on you, like I did on Angelos last night. To discover I can be a bastard when I want to be a bastard.

Yes. I am angry. I am tired. I am overworked. I am stressed. I have digged the big black hole in therapy and there is stuff there that has blown me away. And I am hungry most of the time. I am tired of pep talking myself about weightloss. I am too much of an egoist to give up. I am not feeling a nice person today. Nor have I felt nice yesterday.

I left my office at 9 pm and I bloody walked home. I did not understood it till I was almost a couple of km away from home. I got of the building and walked and walked and walked. Frantically. Feet hitting the pavement with a vengeance. Hands free from bags (cos I had a backpack kind of bag) in fists hitting imaginery people in front of me. I walked 10 km in 82 minutes. How do I know? Because my mobile rung and brought me back in reality. It was Angelos, worried, asking me where I was. See he had called me right when I was out of the building, at precisely 9 pm asking me if Im still at work. And when my phone rung it was 10.22. See? I know my subtraction. 10.22 - 9 equals 82 minutes. I can do decimals and all.

What I cannot do is work my arse off and see no results. It exhausts me. It brings me down. It makes me the bitch I sound to be right now.

I am asking myself now if I should stop posting, before I make you all think I am letting my Mr. Hyde out in the open. But its 8.59, and it is too early for me to go to work. So perhaps I should stop and maintain some of my "oh she's such a nice woman" reputation in the blogosphere, and work out my 50 minutes in the treadmill. Oh yes, have I told you? I have upped my time and am walking for 50 minutes a day in the 'mill now. And I ask you. For what? To built my strength? To make my heart beat in a better rhythm? To clean my cardiovascular system? To drop my cholesterol levels? To never suffer the threat of diabetes?

Well, no!

I have to inform you that I am in excellent health. My annual blood tests come always surpisingly bright. Of course I am young and have not yet hit the age where the problems begin to show. But still.

I read the skiny daily post yesterday and it said to prioritise our reasons for weight loss. Health? Vanity? A smaller size of jeans?

It all comes down to vanity for me ladies. Of course I want to get pregnant and loosing more weight will mke things in the process a lot lot easier. Of course now I can climb 3 floors of stairs maintaining the same rhythm in my breath and only in the middle of the fourth floor I can get a bit uncomfortable, but hey! I am still a smoker.These things happen to smokers!

But I want to turn heads. Bottomline is I am not as nice as you are. Who are loosing weight and exercising in order to aquire better health. I want to hear whistles when I walk in the street. I want to see the lust in men's eyes. Not just in my man's eyes.

But this will never happen. Never. Not even if I bit the bullet and live in chicken breast, fish and boiled zucchinis till I reach 59 kilos. Because I will never wear a singlet in pride. Never. Because of all this loosing and gaining and loosing and gaining fricking lots of kilos, my skin has waved goodbye on me. Miles of stretchmarks. Chicken wings for arms. Boobs ten years older than my 36 years of life. Flab. Cellulite. Excess skin.

And then I am also trying to follow the "natural path". I am not considering plastic surgery to remove the skin. It is against the rules for me. Like gastric bypass was against the rules when I was 130 kilos and 2 doctors reccomended it. My isurance agent even had said back then that in my weight the insurance would cover for the cost. No? Shocking! Preposterous!

Angelos touches my skin and moans from pleasure. He tells me how soft and silky and warm it feels and how it turns him on. And I secretely feel he is insane.

Then there are times I see myself naked in the mirror and admire my curves. My so well proportioned body. I feel like a renaissance woman, all fleshy and curvy and sexy.

I really love my body. I am thankfull for it each and every day. It carries me around. It makes me feel. My body is the only proof I am alive. My body is my existance and I am gratefull and thanking God for it each and every day. It gives me shivers. It gives me orgasms. It gives me sensations.

But it will never turn heads in the beach. Besides the ones who will think...man...this woman must have been huge once, look at all this skin!

I am not giving up. I am just tired. And discouraged. But I will finish this post now and hit the treadmill. Because I am also very very willful. And I will get to the 69 kilos. I will!

Now if blogger decides to eat this post, it will only mean you were not meant to read this vent. Of which I am not at all proud. But which came straight from the core of me.

Have a nice day all!

Posted by Argy at 8:43 am | 7 comments

testing
la la la ... blogger will ya post that?
Cos yetserday I spent a whole hour writting a post you so deliberately ate, I am still mad at you!

Posted by Argy at 8:43 am | 1 comments

Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Wednesday Weigh In
The facts first

age: 36
height: 168cm (5'6")
start weight: 130 kg (286lb) on February 2001
start BMI: 46.1start size: 22W US
start bodyfat%: 53.95%
start waist-hip ratio: 0.76

goal weight: 69kg (152lb)
goal BMI: 24.4
goal size: 10 top 12 bottom

current weight: 89.7 kg (197.6 lb)
current BMI: 31.8
current size: 14 (top) 16 (bottom)
current loss: 0.1 kg
total loss: -40.3 (83.6 lb)
current bodyfat %: 42.4 %
current waist-hip ratio: 0.78
total cm lost: -141.5 cm

Of course I did not bother to check changes in fat % and BMI for a 0.1 kg loss. And of course I am not at all upset nor discouraged about it either. I have been eating by the plan, besides the binge on fruits the first night of my period, I have exercised 5 out of 7 days last week, and I am still a bloated ballon with cramps, so I know the real loss will show next week that my period will be over. I know it for sure, because I am just going to do what I have to do. Eat by the plan and exercise.

We decided to not go away this weekend, instead to go away on the next long weekend, March 25-27. We hope for better weather then. Plus, to be totally honest, I never feel good to go away on this particular holiday. See, for us christian orthodox, this coming Monday is the Clean Monday. The first day before the big 40 days fast before easter. Traditionally, on this day seafood is consumed. No fish, just seafood. Then we enter the fast where no meat, eggs, dairy, fish is allowed. Just vegetables, legumes, oil, grains, seafood, and starches are allowed. I used to do the fast for the whole 40 days. Not so much as a religious thing, mostly as a "spring cleaning". But for this year, I decided to religiously stick on my diet for the whole 40 days.

So the weekend before Monday, my dad and my brother who both have fish-shops, are having the weekend from hell. Because they need to stock up on oysters and clams and crabs and the likes, and they are really sensitive, and we all pray for good sales, because otherwise the have to throw them away.

My dad's and brother's jobs are really tough. They get to wake up at midnight, leave for the port, get the fish from the boats that arrive in the wee moring hours, then be at their shops by 4 am, prepare the orders for the restaurants, then prepare the shop, then start selling. They go back home around 2 in the afternoon, eat lunch, sleep, wake up at midnight, start their day.

But at this particular weekend, they are lucky if they get 3-4 hours of sleep per day. The "fight" for the best stuff is enormous. Sunday night is the last carnival day, and people are always out till 4-5 am and then go by the fish shops to buy food for the next day, so they won't have to do it in the morning, so that they can sleep in.

I usually don't go by the shops. They are too stressed to handdle me being around. I also cannot stand seeing them so stressed. What I usually do is prepare some of the traditional things we have that day, and stay by the phone, waiting for my mom and sister in law to give me updates on the sales.

Traditionally, on Clean Monday we also fly kites. We eat a special kind of bread that is produced only on this day, we eat sea food cooked in many yummy ways, a lot of piccled veggies, and taramosalata, a kind of salad made with cod eggs, bread, olive oil, lemon, and garlic, all put in a blender and made creamy to spread on this special bread. Sounds awful but is strangely delish.

So although I was insisting on leaving, Angelos said that I would not enjoy it totally, because my mind would be in my family working and stressing. He said it is better for us to go away on the next weekend, since I will not have anything in my mind to keep me from total relaxation. Plus my hell of a festival starts on April 1st, and that means that being away on the 25-26-27 of March will give me the necessary break and recharge of my batteries for the big event to come.

Right, now I got to get in the shower and get ready for yet another day in the magnificent- not world of public relations.

Hold my hand, will you?

Posted by Argy at 9:23 am | 5 comments

Tuesday, March 08, 2005
First things first...
And the scans were brilliant!!!

Also, the sun is shinning in all its glory today too! And I am not going to work out on the treadmill. I did my weights this morning, and now I am having my nice iced coffee, then I will eat my cereal, hop in the shower, wear something simple that will suit my running shoes, and I will walk half the way to work, a good six km in the sun!

How funny will I look, with grey trousers, white shirt, red coat, grey and red Nike shoes, and a black Hermes bag?

I am feeling very tired, cos I woke up a couple of times during the night cos of the cramps. And last night...oh I could have been Miss Pacman so easily! Remember the video game back in the eighties? Remember how Pacman was eating the dots? This is exactly how I wanted to eat everything last night. The food, the fruits, the plates, the tables, the chairs. EVERYTHING! Bloody hormones!!!

But I restrained. I was ravenous when I returned home at 9 pm after hell at work, and I immediately ate my slice of bread and cheese which I was supposed to eat with dinner, while dinner was actually cooking. I thought I'd better have part of what I should have for dinner instead of "stealing" food from here and there. Then I ate my grilled chicken breast and portobella mushrooms, and then I had 2 oranges, 2 kiwis, 2 apples and 1 pear. I know it is too much fruit, but it would have been either this or the entire fridge (with the shelves and the door, and the cute Amsterdam houses magnets too!!!)

Today is going to be another long day. I will be at work till 7.30, then it is therapy at 8, which means I won't be home till 10. But I grilled more chicken yesterday, and cooked veal in tomato sauce with curry and cumin and sun dried tomatoes for Angelos, so all I have to do for dinner is cook some basmati for him and we will be eating in front of yet another "24" dvd. This series drive us crazy, we cannot stop watching them. We have only 5 more episodes to go and both of us are trying to keep each other awake to watch yet another episode. But it really relaxes me. Which sounds weird, because it is actually a very stressy kind of tv program with all the things that happen in just 24 hours. But it totally takes my mind of my own madness at work, so :)

Right, I am off to have my breakie and shower now. Then walk in the sunshine!

"I'm walking in sunshine...lala...walking in sunshine...la la"

*Update*

The walk was brilliant. I did the 6 km in 55 mins. However, I need to give you some advice.
Good running shoes is not the only necessity for a brisk 6 km walk in the nice sunny 16 C weather. Lack of make up is another serious necessity. Unless you want to enter your office and hear your assistant say "God what happened to you??!!!" when she sees you with sweaty red face with blush running cute pinkish rivers in your cheecks!!! Or unless you don't mind watching the same pinkish rivers of sweat making silly pink spots on your shirt's once white collar!!!

The question of the day is how do I clean blush from my shirt's collar?!

And...happy woman's day ladies! Let's all do something extremelly nice to ourselves!!!

Now I got to work...god I am hyper!!!!

Posted by Argy at 9:16 am | 3 comments

Monday, March 07, 2005
Let me vent please
The last few days will be classified as the big crisis in my book. All different kinds of bad things happened. Thursday afternoon we had a cancellation of a Nina Hagen concert that was the central event in a festival I am working for. Sponsors and media had to be notified, interviews and tv programs had to be cancelled, many many people were unhappy. Then, Thursday night I had a really serious argument with my husband that evolved to a big fight. Friday morning we lost a client. Friday noon, my mom's scan results were not ready yet while they should. Friday evening in a special event we had organised in a theatre, the main vip guests called in to say that they had problems and won't attend. We lost most of the cameras and the photographers cos of that. Saturday we woke up to yet another grey day with lots of rain. I decided to not let the weather affect me and instead get on the treadmill, then inflate the swiss ball and experiment. Well, there was a small hole somewhere in the swiss ball because it never inflated. Saturday afternoon we went to our nephew's 2nd birthday and I caught myself, after seeing all the kids there, to secretly pray that this one day late in my period meant I am pregnant. Sunday morning I woke up at 6am with horrible cramps from getting my period. This morning I woke up and got on the treadmill to stop after 10 minutes because the cramps got yet stronger again.

I am not saying all these to excuse myself for bad eating. Because besides all these, eating had been right on plan. Besides yesterday, that I had horrible craves for sweets and I ended up eating way too many fruits, but this is ok. I am worried about wednesday's weigh in because I am so bloated, that the jeans that needed a belt to stay in place on tuesday barely buttoned up yesterday.

I am just so very tired. I been having crisis over crisis for the last couple of months at work. I been coming home from work almost after 9 pm every day. My mobile is constantly ringing all weekend from several clients who always have something to say. And all I want now is a baby. And the national lottery too, so I won't work anymore...lol

I was dreaming of snakes last night. This can't be good, can it?

The only thing that keeps me sane is eating well. Exercising. Right now, these two things seem to be the only things I have any kind of control over.

Monday the 13 is a national holiday here. Angelos suggested going away for the long weekend. I want to go away so badly, but then, I am afraid to go because food will be a problem and I do not want to have to stress over this. And then, the weather is so bad still, that what if it just rains and rains again?

On a brighter and oh so vain note, I got a very belated birthday present from a filthy rich and yet crazy girlfriend this weekend. An Hermes handbag!

This post is very incoherent, not at all interesting, and makes me sound like a spoilt rat who complains and complains. I just feel this way today. And my mom's scan results are yet to come.

Posted by Argy at 9:26 am | 7 comments

Thursday, March 03, 2005
The challenge started yesterday and here is what it's all about
Duration:
15 days, ending 16 of March

Food:
The 15 day plan I posted the day before yesterday

Exercise:
40 minutes on the treadmill, alternating speed and incline. Weights for arms/shoulders. I lack the right words in english here, but Angelos showed me 4 different kinds of excercises this morning, and I am supposed to do 3 sets of 15 of each. On Saturday I will also experiment with the swiss ball, and I will start on working out with it after the weekend. I will work out for 5 days a week and do all of them on each work out.

Scales:
Will get out from their hiding place only on Wednesdays. No every day weigh ins!

Body care:
Apply the L'Oreal Body Expertise Perfect Slim Body Cream morning and evening daily.

Measuring tape:
Will do my measurements on March 16

Expectations:
To see 87 kg on the scales. To feel some muscles on my arms. To see my skin smoother.

Cooking:
Try to make the best of the ngredients I am allowed to eat daily. Transform them to different tastes for each meal so I will not get bored or feel deprived.

This last one is important for me. Last night I had a magnificent dinner and this is how I came up with the idea! I was supposed to eat: 220 gr of chicken, 40 gr of this special cheese, a slice of wholewheat bread, and veggies. I grilled the chicken with some portobello mushrooms and crushed garlic, steamed some brocolli, and had my slice of bread toasted. I put the brocolli on the bread, with black pepper and then grated the cheese and put it on top and in the grill for a couple of minutes till it melted. It was great!

Good morning to you all, I am going to work out now!

Posted by Argy at 8:23 am | 5 comments

Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Wednesday Weigh In
So I got on the scales today. Because I wanted to have my usual weekly, morning, butt naked weigh in, to record it here, like I said I will every week. I also wanted to know how much I lost on the “back to ww points” and I also wanted to have a fresh starting weight to compare for the new 15 day challenge with this new eating plan, which, after a thorough grocery shopping yesterday, starts today.

So I lost a kilo and am back to the wonderful – for now – land of the 80’s. Felt really good to see the magic 8 this morning.

I am also really pushing myself in the exercise front. After a great suggestion from Chris, I just bought myself a fitness ball this morning. Unfortunately I did not find one with a DVD, but this one I got has a flyer with a series of exercises, so it should be ok. I am so looking forward to start tomorrow morning. And I also changed the weights. Instead of working both hands simultaneously with 1 kg in each, I am now doing them separately by using both weights in one hand.

My treadmill has a 30 mins weightloss program. It keeps the speed steady and alters the inclines every 5 mins. But the speed is very low at 3.2 kpm, so I am increasing it at 6.0 kpm. I hope it doesn’t break the machine…lol. I know I should program it and make a couple of different programs to alternate each day, instead of just pushing buttons while I work out. But I would need to read the manual for that and me and manuals have never been close!

And another thing that is different ever since the incline and weights were incorporated to my work out is my hunger. I am really hungry all day long! I wonder if it is due to the extra effort. We will see.

Anyway, I got to work some too. So here is this week’s results:

age: 36

height: 168cm (5'6")
start weight: 130 kg (286lb) on February 2001
start BMI: 46.1
start size: 22W US
start bodyfat%: 53.95%
start waist-hip ratio: 0.76

goal weight: 69kg (152lb) (cos I was born in ’69 ;)
goal BMI: 24.4
goal size: 10 top 12 bottom


current weight: 89.8 kg (197.6 lb)
current BMI: 31.8
current size: 14 (top) 16 (bottom)
total loss: -40.2 (83.6 lb)
current bodyfat %: 42.4 %
current waist-hip ratio: 0.78 total
cm lost: -141.5 cm

Posted by Argy at 1:39 pm | 2 comments

Tuesday, March 01, 2005
A Surprise and the Plan
Lately I have been thinking a lot about how to eat. I undusted my old WW winning points books, have considered rejoining WW now they introduced the flex points here, have been thinking about my partner's blood type diet nutritionist, have considered going back to my holistic med for another "softer" detox, and have been finding it hard to decide.

Then I read all rebecca's archives during the weekend, and she kept saying how difficult it is to loose the last 1/3 of the weight. I know that most people start a diet at my weight, many even before reaching it, but for me, who started at 130 kilos, it really IS the last 1/3 of the weight that needs to be lost.

And I have been fantastic with my points all this week. But at my weight and with all these points at hand (24 - 28) I ate 3 slices of pizza, and some chocolate, had a couple of glasses of wine, pita bread, a naughty breakfast of bacon and eggs. The rest was all lean and nice, and not one day I went over my lower point allowance, but! This is not the kind of food I should be eating.

But you know how sometimes things take care of themselves. How sometimes when something suddenly finds its answer totally out of the blue.

Years ago I was seeing a nutritionist. He and I became sort of friends. He actually is a friend of Vangelis, and I used to see him once a year or so in their house. But he moved to America for the last three years, to do an entra course and some more research, and have not seen him ever since. But yesterday, I was walking downtown after an appointment, and I run into him. Apparently he is back from New York. So I practically run to him shouting his name, when he turned his head and looked at me and said...Oh my God...you did it again! You lost a 5 year old kid! I laughed. When we last saw each other, I was in my forever highest weight. I had time and he suggested a coffee in his office which was really near by.

We talked a lot. I told him how I lost the weight. I told him about the treadmill. He was happier about the treadmill than anything else. We talked a lot about WW. He told me that WW is the perfect program for someone to follow after loosing the weight. For maintainance and for leading a normal life with the occasional chocolate and alcohol and slice of pizza. But he insisted that especially in cases like mine, of a pro yoyo dieter with great ammounts of weight lost and regained and lost, the best program to follow is not WW. He said I need something to "rearrange" the fat cells in my body. He said there is a difference about maintaining a healthy weight by eating right, and having to be constantly in diet to maintain it. And he said that he thinks I belong in the second group. He offered to work a program for me. For free. He was indeed impressed by my hard work and wanted to help. He said I will be his personal project. And he also hoped that if we work together, Vangelis might want to join the effort.

Of course I was happier than happy to accept his offer.

So now, after my 40 mins in the treadmill, I am here to tell you how I am going to eat for the next 15 days. Then I will meet him and change the program for the next 15 days. He also got me in the scales. I weighted at 90.5. That's 300 gr less than last Wednesday, but I was fully clothed with boots and all, where last week's 90.8 was butt naked first thing in the morning. I promised I won't weigh at home but at his scales in exactly 15 days.

Here is the Plan:

Breakfast:

50 gr of cereal (Special K, Allbran flakes, Quacker, Muesli) with a cup of 0% - 1.5% milk
or
A glass of 0%-1.7% milk, 2 rye crisps, a tsp of honey, 1 fruit
or
A glass of 2 squeezed oranges, 30 gr of Gouda Milner (tis a low fat gouda), a slice of wholeweat bread
or
Same glass of orange juice, a boiled egg, a slice of wholewheat bread

Lunch

A sandwich with 2 slices of wholewheat bread, and
1. a boiled egg, 60 gr of cottage, tomato, and a fruit, or
2. 60 gr of lean turkey ham, 40 gr Milner, tomato, and a fruit

or
120 gr tuna in sprng water with salad and a slice of wholewheat bread
or
big salad with 100 gr feta cheese and a slice of wholewheat bread
or
a yogurt and 2 fruits
or big salad with 70 gr lean beef and a slice fo wholewheat bread

Dinner

220 gr of boneless chicken breast, big green salad, 40 gr Milner, 1 slice of wholewheat bread
or
220 gr of fish, salad, milner, bread
or
250 gr of green beans, or peas, or okra, or artichokes, or eggplants with tomato sauce, 1 Tsp of oil, 70 gr feta cheese, 1 slice of bread
or
an ommelete with an egg and two egg whites, 1 slice of lean turkey ham, 30 gr Milner cheese, any veggies, plus a salad and a slice of bread
or
220 gr potato, zucchinis, cooked in tomato sauce, 1 Tsp of olive oil, 50 gr feta, 1 slice of bread.

All quantities are weighted uncooked.
2 tsp of olive oil in the salad once a day
if necessary, I can snack in cuccumber, a piece of fruit, 1 0% yogurt, a couple of crisprolls
I should cut down on the spices and salt
No soy sauce at all, no mustard, no ketchup.
Lemon, pepper, vinegar, oreganon should be consumed in moderation.
And all I can drink is water and club soda. No diet coke.

This is it. It is what I call, an antisocial diet. You cannot really go and eat out, unless you go to a grill house and have a grilled chicken breast with plain salad and secretely carry your own bread and cheese in a foil.

But I will give it these 15 first days. And I am not sure I will keep my promise of no weigh in at all at home. I told him he had to choose between which promise I was to break. Following the program precisely, or no weigh in till I see him.

He laughed.

Happy March darlings. Spring will be here in exactly 21 days. In the meantime, it is raining hard and is so damn cold!

Posted by Argy at 9:04 am | 6 comments

About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Stats
Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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