Friday, December 31, 2004
And the list of resolutions is...
(roll of drums)

"Twenty five to go" has still twenty to go. Let's make 2005 the year I loose the 20! (I mean it is 1.7 kilos or 3.8 pounds a month!!!!Dooooooable!!! - with a little help of my friends...lalala...)

Relax about getting pregnant. Counting days and "oh baby I got eggs let's go!!" has driven me crazy and has also made me loose my libido too! Let's just pretend we are rabbits huh? ;)

Make the best of the treadmill I have here!Every day, even if it is for 10 minutes, I must use the treadmill!!!

After I loose half the weight, I will start a strength training program with weights.

Apply body lotion daily, not just during the srping and summer months! Let's start from tomorrow, after shower!!!

Use the bus from work to home. In general, minimise taxis taken daily, and save the money to buy girly silly stuff!

Gradually quit smoking. Do the trick my therapist told me. Decide on a number of smokes per day for a month. I now am smoking about 25 a day, lets say for January I will smoke - I am sweating and shaking as I try to decide- 14 a day. Then February I will decide on a smaller number!

I will post daily, with food, water and smokes consumed, and amount of time dedicated to exercise!

I will take my measurements tomorrow and post them too.

I will breathe more

I will take small breaks at work to calm down

I will go back to my manicure and pedicure twice a month. Back to the hairdresser's. I will start putting make up on again. My mom is not sick anymore. If she chooses to be depressed for longer, I will love her and show her my love, but will not follow her into her depression!

My list is big! And my dreams are big too! I want to celebrate this day next year by having checked all the items above. I will give my best shot, and I will do it with a little help from my friends. You!

Thank you for following my journey and for making me part of yours this year. I have been a richer woman for having knowing you. Have a happy new year. A healthy one. A loving one. A complete one too!!!!

Now I am going to get the rollers of me head, and become gorgeous to welcome the new year!!!! We are off to our friends party at 10.30 and it is 9.30 already!!!!!


Posted by Argy at 8:55 pm | 2 comments

Thursday, December 30, 2004
If...
I dare and make New Year's Resolutions this year, will you hold me accountable to them but in a nice way, without really making me feel guilty for trying but not achieving all or some of them? Because this is the only way I am making them!

P.S. Husband has agreed to it already, so if you do too, nothing stops me...hehe

Posted by Argy at 10:01 am | 3 comments

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I had a moment of enlightment
Perhaps you all remember that I am doing therapy.For almost three years now. With an amazing therapist. Of an incredible school of psychotherapy. Body Psychotherapy. That (in very simple and not at all sxientifical terms) believes that our bodies have memories. Of feelings. That where our brains have manifactured a scenario for our misery our bodies come and bring out the truth.

Yesterday, while half asleep in my favourite of latest position in the sofa, it stroke me.

I am depressed.

All these days of eating and sleeping non stop, were depressed days. I got on the treadmill yesterday and my back hurted and after five minutes I just turned the machine off and went to bed. And slept. I was not awake for more than a couple of hours and then went to bed again. And slept!

My body feels heavy. With no motion. I am not too keen on sex right now. Yet, I just finished my period and I should practice not-safe-sex like a rabbit since I want a baby. But I have caught myself wishing that babies were not made by having sex.

I do not care about what I will eat. As soon as I chew it. With this angry chewing I have talked about before. I want salty and then sweet and then salty again. Each bite that goes to my mouth makes me feel more and more bad and yet makes me feel I want more and more.

My whole body aches. All the muscles feel stiff. Like ready to run down with the worst case of flu. Only in my case it is the worst case of the blues.

My mother is a little better. And my husband says that my body is finally releasing all the tension. Truth is that I am not stressed like I used to be. And now I have this week off with basically nothing to do, I just sit and do nothing but feel numb.

The sadness feels ready to be released. I have been tryng to avoid it using the good ole way of feeding myself to numbness.

There is a part of me that is very happy. Happy that my mother got rid of her cancer. But there is a part of me that is so sad. Sad that my mother had to get rid of certain body parts in order to be cured. As a woman, I ache for the loss of her uterus and ovalries and tubes. I hurt when I see her wearing adult diapers.All this time, in the hospital, I was so preoccupied with her getting better, that I had no chance to cry and let my grief for her loss out. And I have kept it all bottled up. Inside me.

I think I need to get out and do something. Press myself to do something. Or else I will spend all this week sitting in the sofa, watching dvd's, trying not to watch what is getting in my mouth. Then, next Sunday will come, the day before going back to work, and I will feel miserable for spending a week doing nothing.

Tonight we have two friends over for dinner. But I have a clean house, all tidied up, and I am grilling fish for them, ebcause they love fish and my dad owns a fish shop, although I am not too fond of fish. My niece who is four and a half asked me on christmas day if we will bake cookies together like I had told her we would. I want to bake with her, but I have to go downtown and get all the food colourings and stuff to make it fun for her. I feel that getting dressed will be such an effort. But perhaps a good dose of my niece is what I need. To begin with at least...

Because the two chocolatey kilos I gained have become four. That must be a record mates. A gain of four kilos in a week.

I must definetely get Kiki and bake cookies with her. First because I love my niece to pieces. Second because that will get me doing something fun. And third, because, I am safe with cookies. I love baking them, but I don't like eating them!!!


Posted by Argy at 9:39 am | 2 comments

Monday, December 27, 2004
Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep.
This is pretty much how the holidays passed for us.

The lunch in our house on Christmas Day was fantastic. Let me be more explicit, since I am home without much to do, and all the right mood to write :)

The atmosphere:

Really very Christmasy. Very big christmas tree, with 1200 lights on, and tons of ornaments. Cinnamon gingerbread men and santas and stars, made by us a couple of years ago, about 100 different angels from clear crystal ones to small plastic gold ones, many porcelain santa's and reindeers and snowflakes and red hearts and kids singing carols. It looked so full and old fashioned, just the way we like it. Under the tree there were 24 boxes wrapped in golden paper with big red and green ribbons. 20 of them being the pressies, 4 of them being empty boxes wrapped up so that the tree won't get lonely when the pressies reached their destined hands!

Candles. Lots of candles. Cream candles in silver candle holders, in plates, on the floor, on the tables. Poinsettias and missletoe and all kinds of christmasy greenery in vases, jars, tea pots.

A table set for 16. With a red and green table clothe, golden sous plats, white porcelain plates, crystal tall wine glasses, and the following eatable items: a roasted goose, a stuffed turkey, wild pork cooked in wine and bay leaves, new potatoes roasted in fresh butter and chicken broth, potato salad, beetroot salad, green salad, spinach pie, mince pie, cheese pie, various cheeses.

Then the living room coffee table had all the desserts:

1. Melomakarona. This is traditional greek christmas cookies, like nothing you ever tasted. They are made of flour, olive oil, orange juice, cinnamon, cloves, and are filled with walnuts. Then they are dipped in a syrop made of honey, cinammon, orange peel and sprinkled with crushed walnuts. They are juicy, decadent and smell of christmas.
2. Kourampiedes. Second favourite greek christmas cookie. Made of fresh butter, sugar, flour, roasted almonds and then sprinkled with rose water and this sugar thats like powder. Buttery heaven I tell ya!
3. Applepie with cream filling and lotsa raisins
4. Chocolate mousse cake
5. Chocolates, lotsa chocolates. 72% black chocolate with levander, black currant, lemon zest, red pepper, orange, and coffee. The after eights as usual.Chocolate covered raisins.

Now, traditionally, presents in Greece used to be exchanged in New Year's Eve, after midnight, when the year changed. This was done for two reasons. Our Santa is Snt. Vassilios (Vassilis is like umm...Bill in English) and he used to bring the gifts for the new year. On Christmas day, traditionally people would give each other sweets and wine. But we have been "globalised" and as the years pass, we tend to give the gifts on Christmas day.

My mom got gifts only for my brother's kids. She asked my sister in law to get them what she think they wanted, since she wasnt feeling well for shopping. She said the rest of us get our gifts on New Year's Day :o) She is getting better, so I think she will do some shopping on her own. And I got gifts for everyone but my husband. We did everything in such a rushed madness, that we decided to shop for each other this week that is so much more quiet.

People came at noon and the last one left at 6 in the evening. Then Angelos and I cleaned the house, washed the dishes, put away the leftovers, and took a nap. Ever since, this is what we have been doing. Sleep, get up, go to the living room, lay down on the sofa, after putting the dvd on, then one gets up, prepares a tray with leftover food, another tray with leftover sweets, eat them all, pass away in the middle of the film, wake up suddenly, grab the still sleeping partner, go to bed, sleep some more, then wake up, prepare the tray with leftovers, go to the sofa, eat, fall asleep, wake up, prepare another tray with chocolates and stuff, eat, etc etc. My stomach feels so full that I am feeling sick still. We ate all the time, slept all the time. After Christmas Eve, that my mom stopped vomiting (shhhh she's so much better the last 3 days :) my whole body started to ache. All the tension released in my muscles and I would feel more and more pain and yuckiness every day. Then I slept - ate - slept - ate for 48 hours. And today I am feeling so FAT!!!

I got some cool pressies. I got a faboulous dressing gown, feather grey fleecy material, with poeder blue and white stars, a pair of fancy undies, cute butter 'n eggs coloured pj's with smiley teddies, a silk scarf, a new white bath robe, bath foam and salts and oils, money from my in-laws, hand knitted socks to wear instead of slippers, a key chain, a handbag. And I am still waiting for my parent's gift, my husband's gift, and the gifts we will exchange with our best friends on new year's eve at their home.

And now I have an announcement to make. I am going to finish this post, get my running shoes on, and hit on the treadmill. I have not used it since November 20. How long do you think I will last????

Posted by Argy at 9:16 am | 2 comments

Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas!!!!!
7.56 a.m.

And I have been up for 2 hours already! Now I know why I love having Christmas lunch at my mom's! Because I wake up around noon, have a coffee, and then simply go there...lol

Mind you, I am so sleepy! Yesterday, we went to our friends house, with christmasy pj's on, and had food and wine, played games, ate chocolate, and laughed till the little hours. So I must not have had more than 3 hours of sleep last night, which is ok, because I am feeling all festive! (And nervous too, because I have never cooked a goose before)

And I was thinking about you all last night and made a toast for you too!

I was thinking of Lee a lot! Do you all know Lee? If not, you have no idea what you are missing. You can find her at www.bluezfire.org/mtg. Lee is an amazing lady, who is who I want to be when I "grow up" (I am older than her by the way, but not as much of a grown up as she is!)

She a wife, a mother, and a legend.

And I want to thank her here for all she has given me all this time I read her :)

So what I have to do now is the following:

I got to wrap the pressies
I got to wash the veggies
I got to prepare the green salad. (romain lettuce, kos lettuce, fennel root, herbs, avocado, pine nuts, cabbage, red cabbage, radiccio, and a honey vinegraite)
I got to prepare the beetroot salad...now this is a great one, want the recipe? (what a woman has to do to remain awake...lol)
Ok...cut the beetroots in small chunks. Put it in a plastic container with vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic. Let it rest in the fridge for 4 to 5 hours. Then get rid of all the liquids, and mix the beetroots with walnuts and lotsa yogurt! The colour is stunning and the taste...mmmmm....

Yesterday I made the mince pie, and the spinach and feta pie, and they are in the fridge waiting for their turn in the oven. My mom is making the turkey :) And the stuffing :) And I will make the wild pork soon. With tomato sauce, cinnamon, cloves, and other spices too!

I have peeled the new potatoes and I have them marinating in tangerine and lemon juice, they will go to the oven at the last moment!

I am so tempted to go and wake up the hubby. And watch Christmas cartoons in the telly! While smelling the goose roasting. Feeling all domestic and festive. And loving. And loved. This is what Christmas is all about, isn't it?

Merry Christmas to you all beautiful people!


Posted by Argy at 7:51 am | 2 comments

Friday, December 24, 2004
Dear Santa,
I know I am sending you this letter at the very last minute, but if what they say about you is true, then you have an ear for everything no matter how far away or at what time. You know, I am counting on this, because there are some really serious requests I am going to make here!

Santa dear, I have to first thank you because last year you granted me some wishes. And I do not want you to think I am not grateful and that! I asked for the strength to forgive myself and love me all over again. And you gave me this. Well, you made me find it. And it was precious! I asked for inspiration, and you led me in the blogworld. Now that was a real gift Santa. If you allow me, I will make a parenthesis here.

Dietgirl, your achievement is beyond imagination. Your honesty and determination went beyond admiring!You have helped me get where I have gone and I will always carry you in my heart. Thank you and have a very merry christmas. May the new year bring to you the solution to all the questions you have petal!

Kimba, you make me feel I have a sister in Sydney! Did you know I always wanted a sister?Your love for life, your vigorousness, your determination and your humour have been real gifts! Thank you! May the new year get you to your goals!

Denise, your trip to loving yourself more and more have set an example. Your achievement has been breathtaking. Your support has been priceless. I wish you more of all you want!

Yvonne, you struggle with such dignity and honesty, that it makes your accomplishments even more admirable. I want a copy of this book please! Have a loving christmas honey!

Tracy, you warmhearted Finlandese! Joyful and energetic, always leaves a pink air behind you. May your dreams come true sweetheart!

Angel, your name says it all! May this chritmas brings more angelic dust over you sugar!

Lynda, you wonderful lady you! I wish you this christmas to bring to you all the magnificent things your heart desire. Thank you!

Morphy, you wonderful man! I wish you this six pack I saw today!

Lyn, you gorgeous woman you! Thank you for your support, but more than that, thank you for being you, so inspirational and true!

Leigh, your kindness have toutched my heart! Have a merry christmas!!!

Karen, you are such a giving person. You have so much love to give, I am sure there is a soul out there looking for it. Here's for this soul to grow inside you soon!

Stef, sweet Stef. I wish you the merriest christmas this year and the most wonderful runs for the year to come!

DeAnn, your support to me have been wonderful! I wish you health and spiritual wealth dear!

Ok Santa. I will close the parenthesis now. But I didnt want you to think that I will come here just asking and not thanking you for what you gave me last year!

Now, having done this, I feel more ready to ...ahem...request ;)

So, may I please have the following from you this year?

I want all my family and friends and the world to be healthy. Physically and spiritually.
I want a baby.

This is all. Oh...well, and if you are feeling too generous, may I have the new mini Olympus digital camera, in orange or red please?

Merry Christmas my friends. My journey would not have been the same without you! Stay assured that there will be a glass raised to all of you tonight in a house full of love, christmas lights, and holiday spirit, in Athens, Greece.

Posted by Argy at 10:01 am | 4 comments

Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I want to be a Stepford Wife
My husband's efforts to cheer me up have surpassed my imagination. Last night, he came to pick me up from the club event after I was finished, around 11 in the evening, and he had this wicked look in his face. "There is a surprise for you at home" he said. "Oh come on, spare me, tell me what it is!" I said. "No" where his sole word till we rached home.

So he had gotten me The Stepford Wives in DVD for me to watch and chill out. In my favourite way too. You see, when we get silly girly movies, he sits in his favourite armchair, with the little stool for his feet, and always comments and teases and makes jokes during the entire film. This, by the way, is not my favourite way. My favourite way is for him to sit in one end of the sofa, to put a pillow on his lap, put my head on that pillow, and have him totally silent when I comment with my ooooooooh's and ahhhhhhh's. But my poor possum was so tired last night, that after half an hour of quietly yawning, he took my advice and gladly went to bed, while I stayed to watch the remaining movie.

I swear, I was jealous of them. I wanted nanochips inplanted in my brain, taking out all concernes, making cooking and decorating and looking gorgeous my sole tasks for life. I was thinking that actually there are women like that. I know a few myself. That when they wake up in the morning, after following a religious routine of cleaning their face, showering, applying thousands of creams, different to each body part, then wear something beautiful, and drink their coffees in nice porcelain cups, reading (the greek equivalent of) Better Homes and Gardens, and they are so content. So stress free.

Ah well....

This morning I got on the scales to see two chocolatey kilos more than the last time I weighed in. This did not make me happy at all. All through this time, everytime I had the chance to get home for showers and clean clothes, I would weight in and see that I have maintained regardless the bad food I ate at the hospital, and feel good thinking that finally my metabolism has stabilized and I have become a normal person, where a bad meal or a bar of chocolate would not man a gain of a kilo. Ha! Tough chance mates. Not with the ammount of fat cells in this body!

So that got me thinking. First came the excuses. I got my period in the middle of the night, so that's definetely water gain! Ha! Tough chance again! BEcause I have see that when I am eating right the scales are affected by my period only for 200-400 grammars. Some more excuses followed, like, although things aren't good with my mom yet, at least I get to be at home and it is only logical - in my current premenstrual state - to eat bad and relax with friends and oh it's christmas coming etc etc. And this excuse would have worked miracles, if I had actually enjoyed my binges. But I had not. They were neurotic, stressed, angry binges. The kind of ones you eat things you even don't really fancy, just to chew hard, and let all your anxiety concentrate on the mechanic chewing of your angry teeth. Do you know what I mean?

So I had a banana for breakfast. And my coffee. And I will have some vegies for lunch. I will make some lentille soup for dinner, because today I have a phto shoot for a cover of a magazine for one of my clients, abnd then that's it work wise. So I will get up and go cook now, then shower and get ready cos the photo shoot will start at 2.30. And it is noon already!!!!

Yesterday my partner came to me and said that I do not look good. She said that I need a rest, and told me that after I finish with the shoot today, I can turn off my phone, and come back to work on Monday, after New Year's Day. That was a precious gift, that has made all the unfinished Christmas business that felt like a nightmare till then look more bright now. So tomorrow the entire day will be dedicated to shopping for pressies and the big lunch. Then Friday will be mega cooking day. Christmas Eve will be us and just our favourite couple of friends wearing fancy pj's and playing Trivial and Jenga and Taboo. Then Xmas day will be the big lunch, and the leftovers will be packed and go to our friends house and we will play more games.

Now I have all next week to relax and sleep, I feel some joy with having to do all this. Some. Not entirely. But I am getting there :)

Tomorrow I will wish you all a merry christmas!

Posted by Argy at 11:39 am | 4 comments

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Every time this particular window of blogger opens, the one where you actually get to type your post, I have this peculiar feeling of calmness. Kind of like I am sitting on my favourite cafe, all by myself, sipping my coffee calmly, chilling out, having it all to me.

My life is slowly getting back to normal. Slowly means:

I get to sleep with my husband in our bed instead of a hospital armchair.
I wake up and get to drink my iced coffee and read your blogs and shower in our own bath
I take my clean undies from my drawer and not from a hustily packed bag (gee...I got no clean bra!!!!)
On Saturday afternoon, my husband persuaded me to go buy new ornaments for our tree in an attempt to cheer me up. He succeeded!
We decorated our tree our bedroom and our living room and dining room. With our two best friends. Then we lit all the canddles and we watched Survivor while eating take away mixed grill and pitas and bulgur and chocolate covered raisins.
On Sunday we went groccery shopping in our favourite organic shop. WE got food at home again!!!

Slowly also means:

My mom is still vomiting a lot and that has made her very edgy. She always looks upset, angry, fed up, tired, weak. My heart aches to see her like that. And I will confess that I am so tired and depressed that sometimes it is extremelly hard for me to pamper her like she is 4 years old. And when I get this feeling, I honestly feel like a rat for having no more patience and the guilt almost chokes me.
The sound of the phone still makes me jump.
I have absolutely no desire for anything but sleep.
On the contrary, my poor husband has absolutely no desire to spend time in bed just sleeping, if you know what I mean.
I want to eat everything in site. Chocolate and sweets in particular. On Saturday and Sunday I binged to no end.

But I am trying. I managed to do a little christmas shopping. About 10% of what I have to do. And then my mom asked me to shop for her gifts as well. Only she doesn't know or want to think what she wants me to get for everyone. I can barely decide what to get them from us, let alone think of two pressies for each relative!!!

I am not too thrilled to cook for the family christmas lunch. Not right now at least. My brother came on Sunday and brought me a goose, a duck, a turkey, and 4 pounds of wild pork (? the ones in Asterix, the comic you know, don't you?) and I have to cook all these! Plus salads and side dishes and desserts.We will be sixteen people!

And unfortunately, I was in the office yesterday, and I will go soon now too, and something came up so I got to spend time there tomorrow too! So much for my free week huh?

And still all I want to do is sleep...eat...sleep...eat...sleep. Not sure I even want to shower!

Did I mention I am PMSing too?

I will see you tomorrow. I hope in better spirits. I am meeting with my two best girlfriends at 5.30 till 8, that I will have to be in the club for yet another event. One of them had her birthday yesterday, and since the other one always goes to the mountains for the holidays, it is an 18 years tradition to meet on the day after her birthday and have our own little Christmas before Christmas with pressies and all.

Posted by Argy at 1:35 pm | 2 comments

Monday, December 20, 2004
Back :)
I have meant to update since Saturday. The first day my mother spent back home. But it has been crazy ever since here, and I just managed to find a few minutes to let you know that she is back home, not fully recovered but better, with a few complications still happening but being under control, with me being more tired than ever, but with having decorated our christmas tree at last.

I promise an update tomorrow.

In the meantime, thank you for all your comments of concern, you are all priceless!!!


Posted by Argy at 7:43 pm | 3 comments

Thursday, December 16, 2004
tiny update
I've been in the hospital since friday. Things got ugly, now they seem to get better. So today I came to the office around noon and will stay for another hour to do some emergencies, then I will go home and get some stuff, and I will go back there.

I hope to be back by monday.

You all take care :)

Posted by Argy at 2:42 pm | 8 comments

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
I jinxed myself :(
I been having the same kind of panic in the mornings again. Since Friday, my mom had some complication with her bowel and she is back into more tubes, one in her nose cleaning her stomach, and back to serum too :(

She was supposed to leave the hospital latest on Friday and now she will spend part of next week there too.

The thing that makes me mad is that it is a doctor's fault. Last week her (I dunno the word, something about her blood that shows if she is strong or not) was vey low, so they gave her two bottles of blood. After that, since her bowel was moving alright, they decided to help it with food. They gave her too much to eat, and her poor intestines blocked. So on Friday, they had to stick that tube to her nose and she ahs been vomiting ever since :(

All this made me realise what must be happening in our bodies after a binge... Scary!

Posted by Argy at 11:53 am | 7 comments

Friday, December 03, 2004
The big difference
Good morning :)

I slept at home last night. After the airport, I took Phil to the club, then I took him to his hotel to chill out a bit, then I went to my mum to surprise her - she was not expecting me due to work - then went and took Phil to dinner, then took him for a drive, then to the club, where I kissed him good bye, wished a great gig, and came home. I could barely keep my eyes open, let alone dance!

So now, me and my remaining iced espresso are here, catching up on blogs.

And while I was doing that, it hit me. The big difference really hit me. And I want to share it with you, because. let's face it and be honest, I love you!

So my darling friends, the big difference in our lives, is in the first 10 seconds after we open our eyes in the morning. These ten seconds are actually our whole day. For the last years, I have been waking up every day and the moment I opened my eyes, I felt happy. I felt the inner content of being healthy, being married with a wonderful man, having a healthy family, a job that pays my rent and brings food in my plate, friends I could kill for, smaller thighs, more movement. Surely this was a result of therapy and not enlightment or wisdom. But it was mine and it was my fuel for the day.

For the past 3 months I had lost this.

I would wake up and open my eyes and would instantly feel panic. I would try to go back to sleep so that I won't feel this. I would pull the duvet up and hide in its comforting darkness for a bit, and pretend to myself I feel nothing, but it was a lie and I knew it. I felt the panic of loosing my mom. I felt the anger towards illness. And this would go on all day. I would see a shop with christmas ornaments and would feel angry that christmas (my favourite time of the year) were coming.

I will tell you a secret. All this was not only due to being afraid of loosing my mom. Because it is the course of life. Surely I cannot have my parents for ever. Surely I dream of them passing away quietly in their sleep after they complete their 99th year. With no illness. No pain. But now that the worst is over, I can really comprehend why I was in such madness.

I felt there was unfinished business between me and my mom. Like there is between me and my dad and me and my brother. There were so many things I had not tell them. I have not showed them how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I have not apologised for things that still sadden my heart. And I felt there was no time for this. Besides the sadness the possibility of loss brings, here were also the guilt of not expressing all the feelings in their exact size, do I make sense?

I know I may sound like a paragraph of these "love yourself and others" silly books. But spare me for a second. The last days, my mom and I have grown so much closer. Deeper closer. Womanly closer.Not just like mother and daughter. More like two grown up women who respect and admire each other.

My mother feels proud for my strength. A strength I did not know I posessed, and a strength I found inside only because she had given it to me. I feel in awe in front of my mother because I realised that the person I am is something I owe to her.

My brother, who was in denial through her entire illness, told me the other day that the only reason he was able to hold his kids and sleep at night was knowing that I was with mom and he felt safe.

My dad looked at me and told me that now he feels sfe that if he gets sick he has someone to rely on.

And for the last days, be it the hospital armchair or our bed at home, I wake up happy again. Today for instance, I woke up still too tired, but the moment I opened my eyes I was thinking...should we get a huge fake christmas tree this year or a real one so that the house will smell of its freshness? And perhaps we need to change the ornaments and buy new and have a new theme?

And I was happy.

The big difference my friends is to wake up happy in the morning. To appreciate the simple stuff we take for granted. Like health. Like a bowl of warm cereal and an iced coffee. Like the choise between 6 different skirts, 5 different pairs of trousers, and various shirts and blouses to wear. Like the change left on the small table near my bed from my husband so that I can take a taxi to work and win some more minutes of leisuring at home. Not everyone has this.

Having spend 8 days in the hospital have opened my eyes. I have seen kids there. I have seen young people there. I have seen so many people crying in waiting areas. In the tv, every day in the news they show poor people with no money to buy food. Our economy is so bad, especially after the Olympics. This Christmas will be the toughest Greece's economy ever had the last decade. Every thing is going up, besides the pay checks.I have no idea how we are going to afford all the christmas pressies this year.

Yet, I feel fortunate. I feel blessed. I am healthy. So is everyone I love. I will host the Christmas lunch this year. I have made friends with wonderful women all over the world here. My mom made arrangements with her girlfriend, the one who stays with her every other day, and I will get to sleep at home both saturday and sunday night! I will cook for my friends again on Saturday! And I saved the best for last. My mother biopsies came out clean.

Gibran was so right. What brings us sorrow is what brought us so much joy in the the first place. And vise versa too, if I may add!

Now I will take a shower and go. Hve a great Friday all :)


Posted by Argy at 9:25 am | 6 comments

Thursday, December 02, 2004
Better and better...shhhhh
Shhhh indeed. I am almost afraid to scream that every day she is getting better. Afraid that the little bad creatures out there will hear and do something nasty! Silly huh?

I'm at work and got to go soon to the airport to pick my dj for tonight. I am looking so forward to this! He is Phil Hartnol from the Orbital and he is giving a dj set in our club. I met him last year when he was here for the same club and man does he rule! I am dead tired, since last night I did not sleep more than a couple of hours all together, but I will drink too much coffee because I am looking so forward to dancing till I fall down tonight. My body needs the movement and my sould needs the freedom too!

So it is to the airport soon, then to his sound check, then to his hotel, then to dinner with him, then to his hotel to change, then to the club. He will start his set at 12.30.

I am talking major coffee intake!!!

Kisses you gorgeousness!

Posted by Argy at 2:01 pm | 1 comments

Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Awesome you!
You make me loose my words so often. You bring tears in my eyes. You make me feel blessed. You, awesome you! Yes, I mean you Kimba. And you DG. And you Denise. And you Lynda. And you Angel. And you Tracy. And you Lyn. And you DeAnn. And you Steffy. And you Karen. And you Morphy. And you Yvonne. And you all indeed!

(Now I will stop the soppiness and give you an update because I got to rush)

So last night I slept at home again. And right now I am having my iced coffee and I just caught up in your blogs. Din't leave comments though, since it was either that or updating.

My mom is well. Her recovery is going smoothly. We are taking each day at a time. Slowly. Safely. I hope. We still have the biopsies to come. I spend every other night in the hospital. Then I leave around 10 am, when her gf arrives, to go to work. Then I go back to her to see her in the evening, and then I come home to sleep, then the next day I go to work, and then to the hospital to sleep with her. We have grown so much closer. All the family has grown so much closer. Horrors like that make you appreciate things.

My eating is weird. Some days go by with a couple of bananas and a toast, some days go by with amazing amounts of chocolate and pasta. It is all or nothing. I have not gained weight, still nesting in the 89 - 90 kilos. I am not stressing too much about it. I just miss exercise. Yesterday, after 24 hours in the hospital, I left to go to the office and without realising it I walked there. 5 km. I was so in need of moovement.

Now I got to rush to the shower, prepare my bag for tonight in the hospital, and hit the road to work. I will let you know more soon.

Happy December to all!!!!

Posted by Argy at 9:36 am | 4 comments

About Me
I have spent all 36 years of my life loving life itself and this will never change. I am a great lover of the smallest things. I am addicted to smells and I attach them to people and events. It is impossible for me to wake up without ice in my coffee.

Stats
Age: 37
Height: 1.68 cm
SW: 130kg/286lbs
CW: 86 kg/189.2lbs
GW: 69 kg/151.8lbs
Lost: 44 kg/96.8lbs
Left: 17kg/37.4lbs

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