I weighed last Thursday. And I weighed this morning too. The difference is 3.5 kg. Upwards. No. I am not waiting for my period. I am ovulating. Is there a OS? An Ovulating syndrome or something equally scientific to the ear? Cos lately it seems to have severe PMS while ovulating. Am I getting that older? I dunno...

But I will not post a weight today. I refuse to accept that I have gained that much. I have not. I know it. Case closed!

I will post my thoughts about the plan.

Now, I need stuff that need no preparation. Stuff I can have here at work that I can eat. Soft stuff. Smooth for my stomach. Because with the stress I have here at work, the few times I have felt hungry during the last 3 weeks, and have tried to eat something, my stomach feels like a knot with the first bite. And then I have to deal with upset customers, upset journalists, upset assistants, and upset stomach too!

I cannot deal with upset me in the mornings too. Upset me will mean a me that will feel there is less room in my trousers than there used to be.

I cannot add such feelings to my currently overworked heart.

And I cannot think. I am not too fond of yogurt, and besides fruit and yogurt I cannot think of anything else. Oh, I thought of cottage cheese too, but I cannot find any organic cottage cheese no matter how hard I try.

So if you want to help me a little, or a lot, could you suggest a few things for lunch that can go to my frige here and stay till I eat them?

I have decided that breakfast will be fruit. I am too fond of apples and pears right now. Autumn is soft with a cinnamon and apple scent for me.

Lunch is to be filled in...

Dinner will be usual grilled protein, salad, occasionally brown rice or couscous or potatoes. I tried some baked chips the other day, a Jammie Oliver recipe and they were devine!

I did 10 minutes on the treadmill today. Not much at all. But last night I slept too late, and I hitted snooze in the morning. So when I woke up I was already late. I decided to be a little later and give myself those 10 minutes.

Tomorrow I will aim for more.

I am serious about this you know. I do not want to stay here for ever. In this weight I mean. Because if I don't get in the mood now, then it will be winter and winter is such a glorious homey season. It is too difficult for me to start a diet in winter.

I am rambling. It is 8.30 p.m., I am still in the office, and I still got stuff to do, which I procrastinate by writing in this blog.

A kiss to all

I have taken some decisions.

I still have to come up with their implementation plan before I post them, but for now, I have to tell you that maintaining is a virtue I must aquire when I have reached this stage where all that has to be done is maintaining. In fewer words, AFTER I loose all the weight!

I feel comfortable. In my own skin that is. After a looooong time. And this is a trap.

But luckily, my husband brought me the pictures from our holidays on Saturday, and let me tell you I look so much better than last year's holiday pictures. Soooo much better. Still... Soooo fat!!!!

I was so surprised! I thought I look better! But pictures don't lie. They are the proof of what I have accomplished and what is yet to be accomplished. I must be fair. I compared last year's pictures with this year's, and there is a great difference. But I still have a long way to go to reach where I was in few summers' back holidays pictures. And I want to be there.

So I have decided to resume. I hit forward, I paused, but I need to resume. Backwards is not an option.

Tomorrow I will wake up and hit the treadmill. With my feet I mean ;o)

And I will weigh and let you know the number too. It was such a relaxing weekend for me with such bad eating too!

There is so much going on in my life right now. My mom's illness, keeping this company all by myself, with more accounts than ever, me being down with a cold since Friday evening, my two bestests girlfriends needing me. But no matter what, if I am not fit and healthy, nothing is going to get better. As a matter of fact, I am not sure if I am fit and healthy will make everything go better. I hope that at least will make me stronger to deal with things.

This is all for now. I will let you know all about my plan as soon as I have it all worked out.

*hugs*

Our house is so beautiful when the soft sunset light enters the open windows. I have forgotten that. But yesterday, I was home at 7.30! I called my husband and told him that our house looks so gorgeous in that light. He laughed and said I was nuts!

After asking him what time he is supposed to be home, I took the folder where we keep all the restaurants delivery leaflets, opened it, and read through all of them. Thoroughully read each and every dish of about two dozen catalogues. I read them all to the point of literally drooling.

Then I called our favourite chinese restaurant.

We haven't eaten chinese all summer.

I ordered my hot and sour soup, his sweet corn chicken soup, and...

cantonese rice
chicken with black beans sauce
beef with wild mushrooms
teriyaki chicken wings
fried meat won tons
fried seafood won tons (with cream cheese if you can call this chinese!)
spring rolls
sesame shrimps

Then I put on my running shoes. Got on the treadmill. Did 25 mins. Then I took a shower, put on pj's, sat in the balcony, and was placing bets with myself who would show up first, my darling or darling food.

Well, both my darlings showed up at the same time. Perfect! I rushed my husband to the bedroom, made him get out of his work clothes and into something homey, while I was rushing to set the foods on the table.

And then we had dinner. Lots of dinner. Casually. At 9.00 p.m. Talking about this and that. Stealing from each other's plate. Discussing if we want to turn the TV on. You understand what I mean. We had dinner together. Like normal people.

I did not even call my mom. I did not went over her house before I went home. When we finished dinner, Angelos volunteered to put the dishes in the washer, so I took the phone and called my girlfriend. Then my mom. Then my partner. You know what I mean. Like normal me.

Then, we cuddled in the sofa and watched some TV. Again...you know what I mean. Like normal people.

We went to bed at 11.00 p.m. So normal!

And I woke up this morning at 9 a.m.

I feel new. I have had a very tough day at work so far, but I feel new! And I had breakfast too! An apple. And I had a salad with bits of grilled chicken on it for lunch. Soooooooo normal!

I had forgotten what normal is.

Now...having an appointment in 45 minutes (7.30 p.m.) with a shoe maker and a mad diva that will last at least 3 hours is not normal. Not on a Friday evening.

But then one cannot have it all... he he he

So much of it actually, I do not know where to begin!

Life has been so different lately. Work is always too much. I leave home at around 9 am and ... Monday I returned at 11.30 in the evening, Tuesday at 1 am, and yesterday at 10.30. Tuesday was the worse I think. I was in a studio from 6 p.m. after the office and the photo shoot finished at 12.30!!! We were doing photos for billboards, a cover, and promo pics. I was doing nothing productive, besides babysitting my artist that is. She wanted my advice on her clothes (she had two stylists with her), my advice on her hair-do, etc... etc...

Funny thing is that when I was younger, it was all this kind of crap that I actually loved about this job. The photo shoots, the interviews, the press conferrences, the buzz, the openings, the parties. Now I can't stand them. I can't sit in a studio full of people doing nothing and think all the real work I would have done if I was at my office. Or the dinner I would be cooking if I was home. Or the pyzamas I would wear if I was comfy on our sofa.

And I just got the contacts and the photos are not good. I think we have to redo it. It will be the third time!!!

I hope all this madness will end beginning of November. And I hope I will still be alive and sane. And I hope to get a week off the moment my partner steps back in the office after her maternity leave.

Am I hoping too much?

I think I do. This is my new concept actually. One day my husband was telling me something. A big plan. A very ambitious plan. And I said...you really think this is going to happen? And he said "Of course! If there is one thing that dies last this is hope honey!"

So yes, I am hoping. I am hoping that since my mom is feeling superbly since she started her treatment, I am hoping that the therapy works and that she gets to keep her bladder.

I am hoping that tomorrow morning, since I have no early appointments, I will come late to work and use the treadmill. Do you know I had to undust it to step on it on Saturday? And do you know I was feeling so less stressed all day after? But I worked out both days during the weekend. Half an hour on Saturday, and an hour minus 5 minutes on Sunday. And also had 3 meals each day during the weekend. Then Monday came...

I have to confess I eat very badlyI have coffee for breakfast, coffee for elevensies, coffee for lunch. I can't eat while I am at work because the few times I tried my stomach gets so sick. It is all this stress and tension.

Then I eat dinner close to midnight. I have something grilled with salad. Or some pasta. Or rice. Tis all I want. Oh, and pitta bread too! And I think I am almost asleep by the time I'm chewing the last mouthful.

I drink a lot of water. Does that help?

I have lost some weigh too. Not that it is lost weight I am proud of. But I won't bother you with fake numbers. I consider my current weight fake. I feel if I eat properly for a couple of days the scales will say a different story. If I was counting points, I don't think I consume more than 12 a day. Taint good and I know it. It just took me some time to realise. But my assistant today said that I need some sleep cos I look old. O L D!

I fired her and re-hired her on the spot!

I have plans for the weekend. BIG plans. I will unplug the telephone, give my mobile to my husband to hide, and let the only phone alive in our house be his mobile. No work contact has his number...hehehe. I will not open my computer. I will go shopping for a pair of trousers. I will go to the beach and swim if the weather is nice. I will see some friends. And I will have meals. And an ice cream too!

I had missed blogger so much! I am so glad I took this little break to update!

It has been quite a while. I have been running around all day long. Work is totally insane, and then there are doctors to see too.

I still have some tests to do but I will have to wait for my period to pass, I think tests will be done next week. My mum started her therapy today. It is a very easy procedure, and so far there are no side effects, which is good. She is so possitive about it all, makes my heart ache some times. I do not want her to get disappointed. I just want this thing to go away with the treatment. I guess we will know in 6 weeks from today...

I miss my treadmill. Who would have thought there would come a day I would say that! But I work from 9 am to 10 - 11 pm most of the days, and I just cannot wake up early enough to squeeze some exercise. And I need it so bad! I need the releif from the stress when I am on the treadmill. I need the feel of endorfines buzzing in my system.

On Sunday I went to the beach and swam like the sea was going to evaporate for ever the next day. It felt so good to actually move this body vigorously.

I am eating ok. I skip meals during the day mainly cos when I think about eating the phone rings and a disaster happens and then I forget all about it. But I am having a good dinner every day, and try to drink plenty of water and less coffees. And I have not been on the scale for I dunno how long. I feel the same, so if there is a change, it won't be much and I think it will be on the downward side.

I am really missing this blog. But you have no idea what is happening in this office. OH! My partner gave birth to a GORGEOUS boy, 3.8 kg on Monday. He is so beautiful and she is so happy. I melted when I saw them for the first time. Could not stop crying!

I am now getting back to work. You all take care and keep up the goodness!

I weighed in yesterday morning. And it made me think about dieting again!

See, I was 90.5 or something close to this when I started this blog. I left at 87.3 for my holidays I think. (Flunctuations are due to sheer boredom to go search on my archives for exact numbrers!) I came back from holidays 86.2 (this is a fact I remember how pleased I felt!) After the weekend feast I was back on 87.3. Yesterday morning I was 85. This morning I was 86.

Crazy, innit?

And not too much progress either!

I am not eating well lately. I can't have breakfast. I drink too much coffee and forget lunch. Then I have a big dinner with relatively healthy food. Last night I cooked and it seemed I had not cooked for ages! I boiled chicken legs (but had removed the skin ;). In the chicken broth I made us some rice. Then I took the boiled chicken legs and took all the flesh out in small chunks. I put it in a pan with a tsp of olive oil, squeezed 2 lemons in, added salt, pepper and curry powder, and as it was shimmering I added a couple of tsp of dijon mustard. Served it over rice and it was yummy! And relatively healthy too!

But when it is the only meal I have all day long, I tend to have more because by 10 in the evening I am ravenous, and then I feel sick because my poor stomach has prolly forgotten how to diggest food in the last 24 hours since its last meal!

Pretty silly, I know.

We will go grocerry shopping tomorrow and I will cook some things during the weekend so that I will be able to just pick a container out of the fridge and bring some food to work.

Cos work has been insane lately. This is my bussiest season in the year. I have theater plays starting, club grand openings, winter programs to announce for the radio, and the congress starts October 6!

So much work to do!!!

Which reminds me that this break was enough!

Take care you all :)

Thank you all for your kind comments.

I am better.

I read the previous post. Dark and gloomy, wasn't it? And lucking information too. I will clear out some things.

The doctor I spoke with that day was neither the ongologist nor the doctor who removed my mom's tumour. It was her general practitioner who got the biopsy first. There was no way I was going to tell her things before I had checked them twice with specialists. Nor was I going to say anything to the rest of my family. One person panicking was enough. There was no reason to add more to my list without all the info.

Ever since we saw two doctors with my mother. We went to both appointments together. Last one was today.

So my mom knows she has gall bladder cancer. It was important though to find out from the mouth of a specialist who could explain every little detail to her. And not from a general practitioner or a daughter who could not answer any possible questions. It was very important to listen from a specialist, the same specialist who will treat her, that "You have cancerous cells in your gall bladder, cells that are grade 3 aggressive but that have not affected the outside muscle tissue of your bladder. A cancer noone ever died from!"

So there are good news in the bad news. But even if I knew and had told her, there was no way she would have believed I knew what I was saying. She would have thought I am only trying to serve the horror in a nice way.

Her possibilities to be cured with the treatment and to not have to remove her bladder are 50%. Pretty high I think. She is strong. She is possitive. She will fight.

I feel a lot better. Do not think it was an easy decision for me to make to hold the news to her for a couple of days.

If you have good vibes in your heart, do send her some please. She is a magnificent woman who has gone so much struggle in her life and she deserves to have a lot more time in her hands now to do the things she wants the most. Spend retirement with my dad who retires in two years, with whom she has been together for 38 years, enjoy her grandchildren, see me have children, forget the bad situations she went through in her life. I come from a very hard working family with parents who worked their asses off and managed to built a good fortune, all lost when I was about 18. They had to rebuilt everything. They did the best they could. My mom fought. I know she will fight again.

On the weightloss front now, I been ok. I try to drink water because I have too many espressos to keep me working and dealing with things. I can't have breakfast or lunch, but I have a good dinner.I am not doing any exercise at all. And can you imagine! I have forgot to weigh!!!!

But I will tomorrow. Now I am going to go to see my gyno. I have some tests to run and I been having some pains, but I am sure they are stress related. But from my mom's story so far I have realised that prevention is crucial. And I have also realised that I must take good care of myself as well. Better than what I was doing so far. We are all links of the chain that is our family. If we do not appreciate ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves, we are disrespecting the gift of life they have given us.

I will be back more often. And thanks again for your kind comments of support and encouragement.

P.S. I will get those cards to the post office soon!

I could not come up with a title. How can you choose the right words for what words do not exist for? I spoke to my mother's doctor. A few hours ago. The news are not good. Yes the tumor was cancerous. And yes it has affected her gall bladder. Yes, there are things towards treating it. But from what the doctor's experience says, we will have to have her gall bladder removed in a few months.

We decided with the doctor that it is best to not tell her that her gall bladder is affected. To tell her that because the little tumour was cancerous she will have to go through the effusions for precautionary reasons. And we will take it from here.

She sounded great when she called and said to me her news. That was of course after I had spoken to her doctor. She said...honey I wish I could tell you that the biopsy was not positive, but this little thing was cancerous after all. However it is all removed and there is no problem with me now.

I do not feel strong. I do not feel. I am numb and pretend to work but my mind cannot concentrate on anything.

I do not know how to break the news to my brother. I have decided not to tell my father and have asked the doctor to not tell him anything more either. He has his own health problems and I am afraid he won't take it well.

Horrible images feel my mind. And as usual, like every day when I go home from work, I will have to stop by her house (we live very close) and pretend I am happy that the worst is over. I fear the moment I see her. I fear I will burst into tears.

I must be strong.

is situated in the North Aeean. An island with lots of history and even more mythology. Zeus punished Hefaestus and send him away from Olympus to his exile place, Lemnos.

Lemnos is an impressive volcanic island. Born of volcanic eruptions deep within the Aegean Sea. Today, with the exception of some strange rock formation, there is little to remind us of its origins. Huge jagged rocks on the western coast of the island stand menacingly over sandy white beaches and the azure sea as proof of the volcanic activity.

(I just stopped myself from typing the entire mythological story of Lemnos!!!)

Everywhere in th eisland one meets scenic little harbours, wide plains, pockets of dense pine forests, traditional villages, stone houses with red teracotta roofs, murals on the streets and gardens.

The village we stayed at, Kontopouli, was peaceful and yet alive. People treated us as locals for the first day. I just feel so much more human in the islands you know. It makes me smile and it makes me happy when I go for the first time in a grocery store to buy some fruit and water and I give a note of 50 euros for a bill of 13 euros and the shop owner tells me...I don't have change, come tomorrow to pay your bill. It makes me feel that there is still trust in people.

We have traveled the Greek islands a lot with my husband. And we both concluded that Lemnos has the best beaches so far. Long and wide sandy beaches. The sand started white, but the more to the north you traveled, the more it changed its colours. It turned golden. It got almost red, like terracota. And then a few beaches with impressive rocky sides, small gulfs. You could wander a little in small dirt roads and you could find your own beach, sometimes just a small piece of sand, big enough for two beach towels next to each other, surrounded by rocks, sometimes a long golden beach strangely quiet.

I think most of the days we were alone in the beach.

We lived in a small house. It was perfect! Picture this. 5 little butter-and-egg yellow houses with hunter green windows and door and terracota tiles in the roof, each about 15 meters away from the other, in a property with lots of fruit trees and veggies: tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, pumpkins, melons, corns, damson trees, grapes, plums, quince trees, fig trees. See, EC is promoting something called agricultural tourism, and they give funds to people who will combine agricultural and touristic business. This can be a farm providing everything for a tavern, or rental houses built in agricultural properties (such as in our case), etc. The house was a studio inside, with a small kitchenette, a bath, and a bedroom/living room of about 40 square meters. And this all for 35 euros a day!!!

We would wake up in the morning, and I would walk to the village (the houses were about a kilometer outside the village in the plain) buy yogurt or eggs for Angelos' breakfast, cut some fruit or veggies, depending if he would have an omellete or yogurt, make his breakfast, drink my coffee, take the map, and plan the daily escapade.

We would look for a beach or go to the same beach as the day before, and we would usually be there at noon. And we would stay there till 8 sometimes 9 o clock in the evening. We would take lots of fruits with us. A melon, nectarines, figs, plums, grapes, and 2 bananas,,,lol,,,,Angelos can't live without bananas, while the only way I can have them is dipped in Nutella (but I had no banana in the last year or so!)

When we were alone in the beach, we would swim naked. I will tell you a secret now. The way to get in closer contact with your body is to spend time with it naked. You get more familiar and eventually more friendly towards it. I know ... Daze is just thinking that the mad woman has returned as she is reading this. But if you ever get the chance to swim naked, I promise you you will get out of the water and feel double appreciation of yourself than before entering the water!!!

We read a lot in the beach. We played lots of backgammon too (the holiday score was Argyro: 46!!!! Angelos: 45. we started with Angelos:14 Argyro: 4 hehehe...I still brag about it..and of course have refused every single game he has proposed since we returned! ) And we moved a lot too. We played rackets an hour a day. You know these wooden rackets with the tennis ball you play in the beach? hard work girlies. My legs and arms and buttocks hurt like crazy! We swam, snorkeled, played volley in the sea, and I walked each and every beach from one side to the other countless times. Sometimes vigorous walk, sometimes I spent 20 minutes in the same 100 meters picking up sea shells or pebbles or weird things I saw. And if we were alone in the beach, we would make love in the water. (It's so difficult for me to make love in our bedroom now!!!) The water was so warm! So crystal! So turquoise! When the time to go approached, I used to run and say one more swim one more swim! hint! lol

We would then return. The scenery on our way back was breathtaking. Sun setting in long golden harvested wheat fields, mingled with vineyards, tomato fields, pumpkin fields. Humidity mixing the eathy aromas. Lounge music playing loud in the car stereo, none of us talking, just breathing in the images and the smells. Lemnos has a lot of wild life too. Birds I mean. We saw so many wonderful birds the names of which I don't know even in greek! But there is one salt lake, Aliki, where hundrends and hundrends of flamingos stay. We never thought that flamingos exist in Greece. We were told that they come from Africa to spend the winter, but many of them stay the whole year! Aliki was about 7 km from our village, and no matter which way we were, we would always pass from there, and look at them as the sun setting made them all look almost purple...

We would arrive at the house, and we would turn the tv on! Angelos would take a shower and listen to the Olympics on tv, and I would make a coffee, and sit in the veranda and sip it slowly listening to the Olympics as well. We watched too little, but did listen some more! Actually we watched the opening ceremony in a tavern full of locals - quite an experience! - we watched the men in the rings (gymnastics? aint sure Im saying it right), we watched weight lifting, men's diving, and women's synchronised swimming - the next day in the beach we were doing our own numbers...lol

Then I'd shower while Angelos would do stuff like cutting his nails, look at the map to plan the next day (plans which always changed the next morning). Usually, we would then walk to the village, and have dinner in the same tavern almost every night.

Dinner was perfect. See, I was lucky! (Though not pleased with my luck while there) This island sandy beaches with not too deep waters are ideal for family vacations. So all the tavers and restaurants served more of their cooked foods for lunch, and by the time we were going for dinner, all we could have was either grilled fish or grilled meat, in a vast variety, but just that. Plus various salads and cheeses and smalls tuff, like fried small peppers, zucchinis or eggplant, yoghurt dip, veggie mixes, small fried cheese pies, etc. i would have one fried thing, lots of tzatziki (the yoghurt dip, pretty much like the sauce you have on your pitta gyros but thicker, more real), and something grilled for my main course. A glass of wine occasionally, and lots of water melon at home while we played cards at night in the veranda. That and the fruit in the beach was my only food. I ate big quantities though! I had wine 5 times, I had half an icecream cone once, I had one piece of walnut pie, I had some kind of local pasta (made with whole wheat and eggs) one night with chicken in a tomatoe sauce, the other time with lobster in tomato sauce, I had meatballs with 10 french fries once and that's it. All the other days I was eating so fine!

And I didn't really bother! It came natural. After all this energy I spent all day in the beach, the 4 km I was walking (2 in the morning to the village and back to buy things for breakfast, 2 in the night to have dinner) I just wanted to eat good stuff. And when I craved some icecream and the icecream cone was not that good, I ate half and gave the rest to Angelos! (But I ate ALL the walnut pie plus two spoonsfulls of his cos it was devine!!! In Greece we make walnut pies like cakes...with almost equal quantity of flour and crushed walnuts and when we take it out of the oven we make a syrup and pour it over when its still hot. mmmm I tell you it is !!!!!)

I have given you almost all of our holidays. Almost. Because no words can describe serenity. No words can describe the taste of etesian wind. No words can describe the smell of small pebbles. No words can describe the warmth of coolness. No words can describe the sight of nothingness. No words can describe the touch of sand.

But you know what else words cannot describe? The feeling of constantly moving your body all day around just because you feel that if you don't all this energy you fill will choke you! Words cannot describe the look of proudness in your beloved's eyes when they see you run for the ball one more time. Not just sit there and expect him go get it. Words cannot describe the face your partner had when they saw you after holidays and exclaimed: OMG you did not gain weight during these holidays!!!!

I had not always been obese. I have spend years in my life when I was thin. But never I was so vigorous. Never I was so happy. Never I was such a windwhirl!

Before I type one more word, I want to thank you. Really thank you. And I mean thank you. Sincerely. Not politely type thank you. Actually say thank you as I type thank you.

You see, it feels weirdly special to feel warm thoughts of people touching you. And not just any people too. People of all different corners of the world, people whom you never have actually met, people brave enough to open their struggles for the world to see.

Thank you Lee. Thank you Yvonne. Thank you Jenniy. Thank you Dazed. Thank you Lynda. Thank you Lucy. Thank you Linda. Thank you Morphy.Thank you jlyn. Thank you Ann. Thank you Tracy. You all touched my heart again.

I think I have written before that my husband and I try to take 3 weeks off the summer and run and hide in some island.

The first days are always so relaxed. He can ask me in the third day for instance "Honey, wanna go to X beach today?" And I will usually reply "Can't we go tomorrow? Where we were yesterday was so peaceful!" This will happen the other way around too. "Let's go visit this little village and have dinner there!" I will say all enthusiastically "But but but...I want to try the dish I didn't have yesterday in that little restaurant we were last night" he will say with a drooling voice.

And of course, none of us will insist. Because at the time, we still have weeks of island holidays in front of us, or days and days, or a week. And the most important thing is that we are in an island swimming and relaxing and enjoying each other's company.

And then, the last 3 or four days will come. And there always are beaches we did not visit, and taverns we did not dine at, and villages we never saw. And I always, always get sad and sort of spoil my last days with sadness because we leave soon. I know part of it is only natural. Who wants to leave kilometers of golden sand and crystal clear waters to return to a 10 hour working day? But part of it is regret. Regret for not doing things while we could.

On our third day before leaving the island, I thought about all the places we did not see. I was sad because the days of bliss were coming to an end. And then it stroke me. Of course we cannot see and visit everything. Of course we cannot do all the things we plan. And of course, I do not want to go on leaving my life the way I live my holidays!

What I mean is, of all the things we are able of doing, seeing, visiting, acquiring, eating, discussing, buying, neglecting, smelling, tasting, trying, denying, of aaaaaalllllllllllll these things, some rank higher.

Let's make priorities. Let's not take things and life for granted. Let''s not think...oh...we still have so much time in front of us. Mainly, let's not reach the last couple of days regretting for the things we didn't do, the things we didn't see.

Let's make the most of what we have right now. This Friday. If you just hanged up the phone to a friend inviting you for dinner tonight turning their offer out thinking that it could be a good idea but you are a bit tired and have nothing to wear and have not budgeted enough points for dinnert and think that you will stay home and go out tomorrow, call this friend now and say you reconsidered and make plans!

Our ferry left the island at 01.00 p.m. I adore ferries at night. And long trips too. They are my way of smoothly reentering reality. 11 hours was this one. As the ferry smoothly sailed, I was alone in the deck smoking a cigarette, watching the moon, thinking of coming back. I thought my friend being operated early in the morning, I thought about my family, I thought about work, I thought about the Olympics, I thought about you too. I have all your postcards written and I was thinking that I will have to post them as soon as I get in Athens. I was also trying to think about the first post in this blog after the holidays. There I got so confused, lol

I did not know what to talk about. Overload of images and sensations. Oveload of tiny moments of enlightenment. Overload of Olympic and patriotic feelings.

And then my mom had to check in the hospital.

My mom is home now. The operation went very smooth as a procedure. But they did not remove a cyst. They removed a tumor. And they have send it for biopsy. Its texture seems cancerous. We will know Monday .. Tuesday the latest.

The doctor explained all possibilities. If it is cancer, she is lucky because it was in the lower bladder, which makes it treatable. She will go for a day for six weeks to do some effusions. And then she will have to check everything else of course.

If it is not, she and I will do something crazy together and she gets to decide what.

I am petrified and panicked. But I am also proud because last night she told Angelos (my husband) when he went over to give her back some things, that she never expected me to be so strong and calm when the doctor talked to us. And that she feels that she can rely on me. I have always been so overly protected of bad news, bad health situations from her just cause I always seemed (and was) so fragile into taking them, so unable of dealing with them.

I never knew I could be so composed on the outside although crying and yelling in the inside. I never knew I could act so well. I never knew I could stay in a hospital room straight for 33 hours with my mom full of tubes and catheters and needles and stuff and be fun to be with and helpful too! I will be honest. I NEVER want to do this again. NEVER NEVER NEVER. I want my mom to be fine. I want the doctors to proved incompetent in their guess and so wrong about the texture of this little tumor and stick my tongue in their face and call them names for scaring us all to death. But I will be honest again. I will do it again and again and again. Because it made my mom feel better and calmer.

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up, make my coffee with lotsa ice cubes, turn on my puter, update on the remaining blogs I have left unread, and tell you all about our holidays. Or Olympics. Or both :) Because I feel that we should not leave things we want to do undone. In case we regret not doing them...