Last night my mom told me she has to check in in the hospital today. She has to do an operation. There is a cyst in her bladder that has to be urgently removed, since it is making her bleed while she pees. It is supposed to be a routine surgery, but there is nothing that is routine for me when family and friends are involved. My best girlfriend just checked out from the hospital today, she removed 11 fibromas, the biggest one was the size of a baby's head! Actually this is why we returned earlier than planned. But she is fine now and that's what's important.

My head and heart is still filled with the blissful island images and sensations.

But I cannot put them into words now. My agony about my mum won't do them justice. And my mum is...well...my mum. I have always been too close to her, but not till I felt the need and desire to have a child of my own had I realised what a mum really is. So now I am all panicked and hoping it will all go smoothly and fine for her.

We will find tonight is she goes into surgery tomorrow or Thursday.

Wish her well my friends.

No matter how difficult it is for me to accept that holidays is over I have no choise really, since this is my first day back at work!

It was a bliss!

But it is mad crazy here at work and there is no time for updates!

There is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to write about.

Soon, I promise!

Before I go burry myself back to work, I have to let you know about basic things:

I lost a kilo during holidays. We came back on Friday August 27, early in the morning, I weighed in the moment we entered home and I was a kilo lighter!

Then the icecream feast begun. Post holidays blues my wise man called it...lol

So today I woke up and I weighed in 2 kilos heavier!

More tomorrow!!!! (words, not kiloss I hope)

It is almost time to go!!!! Stressed as hell since I still haven't bought my holiday books and I have no list for them either!!! So few things and I'm gone!!!

Timezones have got the best of me. I got some of your emails too late for returning them and ask for your addies. BUT I will get the postcards, write them and get your addresses when I'm back and post them. Deal?!

I weighed in this morning and I have lost 600 grams since last Monday. This means I lost 3,4 kilos in my 21 days challenge. I am pleased :o) The challenge now is to keep it off during this 21 days of holidays!!!!

And now I got to go. Take care all, enjoy your time and cheer for Athens 2004 for me please ;o)

*Hugs*

or else...why does the last day before holidays have to be hell-in-the-office????

I have been here since 8 am and the only reason I came sooooooo early is thinking that I'd be done by noon and then go finish with holidays preps. I still haven't bought my books, haven't packed, haven't had breakfast or lunch, and its friggin 16.40!!!!!

I think I must have had this window open for at least a couple of hours!

So this morning I was thinking that when I will come back from holidays I will have so much catching up to do with your blogs and progress. It got me all excited! I will have something to look forward to.

I will have to go back to work now hoping I will finish before the bookstores close!!!!

The postcard offer still stands. Tomorrow we are leaving in the afternoon, so surely I will have my morning coffee catching up on blogosphere! Email me with your address if you want :o)

Have fun these three weeks to come, enjoy life, yourselves, and the sun!

Ladies, you are amazing!

Thank you all for your keeping me more thankful today too! Your suggestions were wonderful and ....oops...I got lots to say so I better start now huh? (beware of yet another long post)

So, with your valuable contribution, I have come up with a flexible plan. Also, last night, after Tania's valuable advice, and since I am sort of the all-or-nothing type, we sat down with my husband and we went through all the things we like to have while on holidays, and I have a list of naughty delights, which I am going to eat with a pattern. But better go ahead and list 'em all.

So...

• Dinner will be our fancy meal (thank you DG :)
• I will have twice spaghetti with lobster (this is typical greek island food, and I am usually having it every other night...lol) so once a week will keep me satisfied I hope
• I will have ice cream once a week too, and when I have it, dinner will not contain alcohol
• Breakfast will be yogurt with fruits and a tsp of honey...this is what I always have during holidays, and the little bit of honey Im putting is not too much. After all I'm Greek and have been raised to beleive that a tbs of honey a day keeps the doctor away ;o)
• For lunch, since we go to the beach around noon and stay till 7-8 in the evening, will be fruits, coffees, water, and raw vegetables like cherry toms, and cucumbers. After all I can't eat much when I'm boiling in the sun ;o)
• For every glass of alcohol I am going to do 100 snips in the water. (Now I dunno if snips is the right word. What I mean is when you are in the deep water and your feet have at least a couple of meters distance from the bottom, and you sort of put one foot in front of the other, like walking? Same kind of exercise when you lie down and you lift one foot after the other? Urrrghh this is frustrating!!! I hope you understand!)
• On our way back to our cottage A. will leave me 4 km before there and I will walk the remaining distance
• Lotsa sex will be involved, I promise you
• I also put my jeans in the washer today, in hot water too, so they shrink and I will try them on every 4 days, and see if there is change. I never wear jeans during holidays, I am more on thinner and softer fabrics in the isalnds, so they will maintain their freshly washed snuginess. (I came up with this after Linda's advice :)
• And I will not stress too much! Thanks Lee :0)

And I promise...after holidays I will look for a Body Pump class. I have JUST been thoroughly persuaded ;o)

This is all for now. Not too long after all! But I have tons of work to do before I leave and I only have today and tomorrow!!!

Cheers for now, tomorrow will be the last post before holidays!!!! Oh...and!!! I am crazy about sending post cards from the islands. So if you want one, leave me a comment and I'll make sure to get your addy!

The mornings have become blissful. My husband is not working and we wake up together. After the cuddles, I go to my study, and turn on the puter to start reading on the blogs, while he is making me coffee, which he brings in, leaves it on my desk, and quietly disappears, till I properly wake up and am sociable and fun to talk to. Cos I'm a loner in the mornings, and need my time alone.

So after having my coffee and daily reads today, I turned the puter off, and went to the living room to see him. I thanked him for being so nice and leaving me alone to do my morning routine without complaining for not having breakfast with him, etc. I told him how thankful I am to have someone take care of me the way he does.

He looked at me very seriously. For about a minute he was silent. He then said "I am thankful too you know". I rushed to say something but he stopped me. He said "I am thankful for the way you take care of yourself " I was stunned! Because for a second there I had actual images of me, of us, of him. Images of before, and images of now. And I really felt thankful. So I decided to list some things that were and not are anymore. And some things that weren't and now are:

Things that used to be

* I weighed 130 kilos
* I woke up in the morning sick from the food I had the last day
* I detested what I was seeing in the mirror
* I was uncomfortable all the time
* I had back pains and swollen foot all the time
* I was sarcastic to every person saying anything sweet or nice to me
* I was angry from the time I woke up to the time I slept
* I was not brushing my teeth at night
* I was feeling horrible in the mornings when I was showering and had to actually touch my body
* I thought I was going to eat myself to my death some day. For minutes before I drifted to sleep I used to beg God to let me live and not die in my sleep cos of the amounts of food in my stomach.
* I always felt that my family and friends loved me cos they had to, since they were family and old friends, and not cos I deserved it, since, after all, I looked and was horrible
* I was smoking pot so that I would have an excuse for my late night binges being caused my the munchies and not by my humendous appetite
* I was distant to my partner no matter whatever effort he put on approaching me
* I was dreading meeting a potential customer because I was certain I wouldn't get the account due to the way I looked
* I always thought that no matter how much weight I loose I will always be fat, since loosing 60 kilos needed a good number of years of hard work, and I thought I was not capable of sticking to a diet.
* I was discouraged to try since I had gained and lost big amounts of weigh in the past to gain it all back plus more.

Things that actually are now:

* I have worked hard in many different ways since 2001 and have accomplished a loss of 42 kilos
* I shower twice a day so that I can put more body lotion on and feel myself
* I love going shopping
* I take time in getting ready and like spending time in front of the mirror!
* My family and friends are no more afraid to talk to me
* I wake up in the morning all happy for the new day and all ready for my exercise
* Food is a pleasurable fuel and not my death anymore
* I feel I can conquer the world some days
* I have made 3 new customers in the last month
* I actually dream about the future
* I brush and floss my teeth before bed
* I am having an affair with my husband
* I am confident that I will loose the remaining 18 kilos
* I am hopeful I will keep it off for good
* I feel grumpy if I don't exercise for a couple of days in a row
* I am thankful for the gift of life

Now I wrote all this down, I suddenly had a feeling of insecurity. I do not want you to feel that I am smug or egoistical or too fond of myself.

I just want to put this down for my own good. Because putting it down makes me remember and appreciate. Putting it down makes me accountable. Putting it down makes me to never want to go back. Putting it down proves that it is doable. And I want to tell you all, that if I can do it, then anyone can.

I am nervous about leaving for holidays. This is also one reason for putting my list down. Holidays mean no routine. No routine means challenges.

My husband eats a lot and adores a good meal with a good wine. And he is of the lucky kind to eat for four and maintain a six pack. Surely he works out a lot. He is the very energetic type and moves all the time. Last night he asked me hesitantly. "Honey, when we go to the island, will you still eat that little?" I laughed because I knew what he really wanted to ask: "Honey, when we go to the island, will we enjoy a meal a day together or will I go on feeling bad for eating what I eat while you only have salad?"

I know that lately it is a little frustrating for him. Now he isnt working I know he is having fast food lunches, pasta, pizza, etc. all the things that are sort of forbidden in our household. And he is the kind of person who enjoys a good meal with company. He loves commenting on the taste and stuff.

And the truth is I am nervous because I enjoy a good restaurant a lot when I am in holidays. And I am afraid to eat "normal" because I either binge or am dieting. The normal inbetween is still something of an almost unfamiliar territory. Surely, the last couple of months I was loosing and gaining the same couple of kilos and considered myself maintaining, but yet, I was at home, I had the treadmill, and most of all the scales to tell me every day how I was doing.

And surely the scales are hidden and get out once a week now, but they are handy if needed.

How do I do when on holidays? Weighin in some "foreign" scales might show a loss or gain that aint real. How do I control myself without being too picky and without depriving my partner from his beloved dinners in nice restaurants during holidays?

I have to come up with a plan. A flexible one. And I have to stop typing too. Because this post resembles a novel in length again!

Athens is hot! Athens is extremely hot! And I don't mean hot as in having high temperatures! I mean hot as in having too many Olympic Bodies walking down the streets, shopping, drinking something (high nutritional I assume) in the sunshine.

I have to admit that hosting the Olympics was not my dream. I was not overly excited about it. I assume I belong to this group of people that think more about what will happen next. I worry about the high maintenance costs, the possible rise in unemployment, and the likes. As a greek too, I am not too happy about the way the Olympics have deteriorated the last decades. And by that I mean that it is all about money. Sponsorships, doping, athletes poisoning their bodies with all kinds of substances that make them run faster, and jump higher and fight harder. It is not an ideal as it used to be. It is not noble anymore. It is plain competitive.

I have to admit however that the enthusiasm is contagious! And I feel it in the air. Athens is beautiful. Colourful banners are everywhere. Fuchsia, turquoise, yellow and orange banners with the Athens 2004 sign are hanging from the light pillars in all main streets. Flowers are blooming in pots and parks and street sides. The weather is gorgeous and for the first time in years it is pleasantly (around 30 C) and not boilingly (around 40 C) warm. There is a cool breeze. The brand new tram is cruising the streets. The new train is doing its rounds. More and more people wear t-shirts and caps with the Olympic colours and signs. Tourists are eveywhere. And please oh please don't forget the Olympic Bodies!!! Athletes that smile to you when they realise you been staring. And you smile back and try to restrain winking too!

But then, looking at someone because they are gorgeous, and smiling back and all, could be considered a form of flirting. You know, not flirting with a cause, but just flirting for fun. Actually, to be more precise, feeling confident to look at someone else, feeling confident at smiling back at them, feeling all feminine and that. This is what is happening to me lately. I feel feminine. I take so much time picking my undies, clothes, shoes. My husband told me yesterday that I look so good all the time that he could, if he wanted, think I have a boyfriend! He made me laugh so much when he said that! But the truth is that I have started to love my body and feel good in it. Please, do not make the mistake and think I am looking half as good as I feel. I still have the entire package: flabbiness, cellulite, fat arms, fat thighs. After all, almost 88 kilos in my 1.67 frame is a lot. But I have discovered more things too! Nice collar bones are back in town mates! Round shoulders have come back! When I look down I can now see my panties! My tummy and stomach are flattening! My waist is 91 cm. It used to be 112!

And all this is not a result of just hard work. All this is not a result of just eating right and exercising. It is also a result of beginning to love my body. Touching it. Getting in contact with it. Remember the tank top post? Daze commented I was so funny talking to my fat arms and that. It was funny. But it was fun too. My therapist challenged me to do it. He said that the parts in our bodies that we detest the most, and consequently neglect, and don't touch, and resent them, are the same parts that block the right flow of energy in our bodies. And they tend to remain miserable.

I challenge you all! Feel your worst parts. Talk to them. Caress them. Make friends with them. I promise you. All they need is some sweet talk. I promise you they will react to your paying more attention to them. And their reaction will astonish you!

Now you can all go back to your days thinking I am completely mad. Thinking that loosing weight has loosen some screws in my brain and I am totally insane. Ah come on. You might be right. But you will not find out unless you try.

Come on...talk to your bodies the way you would talk to a beloved friend. As in every course of corrective action, one cannot move forward too much unless one forgives and makes peace. Forgive your thighs for storing the chocolate. Make peace with your bellies for storing the pasta. I am trying to do this. Some times I suceed. Others I struggle. Help me do it by doing it to. And think of me of a greekmadwoman. I prolly am in a way. But I promise you. I see it working on me. It will work on you too!

Cheers from madland for now *wink*

August is finally here! The long expected holiday month arrived with a nice cool breeze and the anticipation of holidays in its highest ever! I literally cannot wait for this week to pass and Saturday to arrive. And then I will be gone from August 7 to August 29... BLISS!!!!

August found me 1.5 kilos lighter. Isn't it nice? I now weigh 87.8 which is almost 11kilos less than last August, and this is good!

The weekend was challenging and I escaped again with the same weekend trick. Just eat a little more of the allowed stuff. And way too much water melon!

Saturday, on my niece's birthday party, my mom made me some kind of dessert. It was nice if you like jello - type of thingies. She mixed fruit juices from very ripe fresh peaches with zelatin and mixed all this with yogurt and vanilla essence and had it frozen. Nice, but I am on for more chocolaty than fruity things. But it kept me satisfied while everyone else was eating cake and icecream.

I was tempted more than once yesteday. My mom gave me tons of leftovers for my husband. Meat pie, cheese pie, a gorgeous pie she makes with peices of meat, tomatoes, feta and pees, home made pizza, sausage rolls, you name it, it was in the container!

Yesterday, early afternoon, we were watching a DVD with my husband after the beach, and I told him that I could hear all these things calling my name from the refrigerator. He laughed and said that I have been extremely good for 14 days and that perhaps I could have a little piece of something. So I went to the fridge, opened it, took a piece of meat pie, had a bite, then spit it out and then threw away the remaining piece. What went to my mind at that time was this blog, and the challenge. I felt I would feel so bad reporting that I broke my good program that I actually spitted the piece out! (sorry for being so gross with the description!)

This made me realise something. All my life, in all the several dietings I went through, I had my weekly weigh in somewhere. This was WW, or a nutritionist - dietologist. My holistic med doesnt have a scale. He let's me do the work and weigh in and he never mentions weight since for him other things are way more important. And when I am dieting all by myself, I can cheat a little, or change weigh in days, etc. But ever since I started this blog, I feel accountable to you all and that keeps me in track.

So thank you all for making me feel this way and for being so very helpful to me through this quest.

Also, I figured out a way to reply to comments! I will leave a comment to your comment on my comments...simple huh?

That's all for today. Have a great August!